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[W397]What Are Warning Signs

by Dr. Robert Huizenga, Dr.

Yes, infidelity is complex. You probably know that or perhaps feel overwhelmed and confused.

Most I work with find tremendous relief, a sense of control, confidence and power once they pinpoint the situational signs of infidelity.

Understanding IS the beginning of healing.

Yes, there are general signs of infidelity that indicate that your husband or wife may be cheating. After you finish reading this page you will find a link for those general signs of infidelity.

But, to accelerate breaking free you need to dig into and nail down the signs and patterns of infidelity.

Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and research, I've identified 7.

And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much grief.

Let's begin here.

One kind of affair I write about in my e-book is called, 'My Marriage Made Me Do It.'

Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of affair:

Expect that your spouse will have a very powerful attachment to the other person. The other person will consistently be on her mind. Your spouse will shift energy away from you, the children, the household and her career to her affair relationship. She will be focused, but not on you. Your spouse will attempt to push you away by avoiding you, ignoring you, closing off communication or walking away.

The affair will most likely be a long-term affair. It will be very difficult for your spouse to walk away from the other person. He may try on a number of occasions but will continue to gravitate back to the other person. He will hold on tenaciously. This is probably the first or only affair for your spouse. Your spouse is not interested in playing or fooling around but powerfully attaching to the other person. The other person is the savior!

Don't believe that the affair was planned before hand because of a bad marriage. These affairs usually just happen. They usually happen with someone in close proximity: co-worker, neighbor, friend (frequently of friends with whom you socialize), etc. The other person is usually the aggressor, your spouse lacking the confidence to seek out the affair. The rationale that it happened because of a lousy marriage comes after the affair is in bloom.

The more you try to persuade, convince or pursue, the more strongly he will attach to the other person. He will perceive your efforts as weakness and will want to attach more intently to the other person whom he (at perhaps an unconscious level) deems to be the powerful and loving answer-to-all.

Efforts to use moral or religious arguments to call a halt to the affair will be strongly resisted. Your spouse is not guided by rightness or wrongness. These standards have not been internalized and do not carry much weight, especially when it comes to the important chunks of her life. The actions and thoughts of your spouse primarily originate from her need to attach to another person. Any behavior or concept that serves the purpose of maintaining the attachment will be valued. Others are discarded.

Expect you will spend a significant amount of time and emotional energy in the next 2 to 4 years (especially if there are children) attempting to resolve the relationship. By resolve, I mean, coming to a point where each of you are fairly free of the emotional entanglement that holds you together and generates the pain and fear. It will be important for you to resolve the relationship whether you continue to be married or separate and divorce.

Does this fit your situation?

Do you see the importance of understanding in-depth the signs of infidelity. Once you do, you will have many more options available that will help you break free.

Mental illness is not just an affliction that you are born with; mental illnesses can develop over time, whether as something that was predestined to occur or as an illness that develops over time. While some mental illnesses are certainly not generally found in young people, like Alzheimer's disease, others such as depression can strike as early as childhood and mental illnesses like ADHD, though over diagnosed, does affect many children and adults.

Young adults can suffer from a wide range of mental illnesses, and are more commonly afflicted for the first time than any other age group because of their rapidly developing brains and the many new circumstances to which they are exposed to during their late teens and early twenties. Young adults are not necessarily particularly vulnerable; however, whatever mental illnesses they were possibly born with are more likely to come out of dormancy at this point in their lives.

Schizophrenia is one mental illness that often strikes for the first time in young adults. Individuals may suffer moodiness or paranoia, which can both be potentially recognized by a loved one and reported to the individual's physician. Other warning signs might include the young adult hearing voices or seeing things that are not there. Schizophrenic individuals may also experience apathy or lack of emotions and might become worse at social functions. They may also begin to have trouble concentrating or following directions and completing tasks, and their memories might suffer. Schizophrenic patients also almost always begin feeling depressed before their symptoms degenerate.

Depression is another mental illness that is very common in young adults. It is characterized by feelings of extreme helplessness, hopelessness, and is not nearly the same thing as "feeling blue" or being "down". Depression is a serious mental condition that affects millions of Americans, and can cause suicidal thoughts as well as over, or under-eating, over, or under-sleeping, and a change in moods. Depression is not something that people can just "get over" or "snap out of", and may in fact require medication or therapy or a combination of both before the individual begins to see a lifting of their symptoms. The symptoms of depression can come and go, and are similar but slightly different from the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder, which is also known as manic depression, can be managed with medication. It is characterized with intense manic or "high" periods in which the individual becomes overly enthusiastic or optimistic and may begin tasks or plans that are not feasible. These high periods are followed by crashes and intense "lows", which can involve sleeping all day, feeling hopeless, suicide attempts, and other symptoms shared with depression.

ADHD is more of a disorder than a disease as it does not often seriously impair a young adult's ability to function normally in society, however it is possible for a young adult to have ADHD that does affect their ability to hold a job or otherwise function individually. This disorder often involves an inability to focus, being easily distracted, and similar kinds of symptoms. It may be made apparent in forgetfulness that is almost chronic or in an inability to hold still, and also with a hyper-focus on certain activities.

The diagnosis of a mental illness should be left to medical professionals; however it is often up to the family and loved ones of the affected young adult to recognize the symptoms before the individual can get treatment. Many mentally ill individuals do not know that they are suffering, or do not wish for various reasons related to their illness to seek treatment on their own.

People who love anyone affected by the above mentioned mental illnesses and by other mental illnesses should make a list of the specific symptoms that they see so that they can present these symptoms to a mental health specialist. Symptoms that you should look out for include changes in sleeping and eating patters, weight gain or loss, changes in personality, an inability to function normally, paranoia, aggression, and other unusual behavior. Even a feeling that something is "off" with a loved one might warrant extra attention or even investigation to help them get help with their mental illness.

No matter what symptoms are displayed, no diagnosis can be made until the individual who is suffering is taken to a doctor. A person taken to the hospital by police is likely to be treated and released quickly without enough attention paid to their actual needs. It is up to the family and loved ones of young adults affected by mental illness to get them help.

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Both Dr. Robert Huizenga & Ti Craig Elliott are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Dr. Robert Huizenga has sinced written about articles on various topics from Cheating Spouse, Cheating Spouse and Infidelity. Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at:. Dr. Robert Huizenga's top article generates over 5400 views. to your Favourites.

Ti Craig Elliott has sinced written about articles on various topics from . About Author:Craig Elliott is a freelance writer who writes about mental health topics including . Ti Craig Elliott's top article . to your Favourites.