Teaching children responsibility is the goal of education whether it takes place in a regular school setting or through home schooling. Many parents feel that the regular school can do this much better than they can, but this is not so. Parents are the child's first and most important teachers and it is through the parents that children learn the quality of responsibility. This means that all parents are responsible for providing this education for their children.
In order to teach responsibility to their children, there are certain things that parents must do. These include:
- create an environment where responsibility is an expectation
- become in role models for the children in the area of responsibility
- teach children to be responsible for their own actions at an early age
- let the children know that responsibility is the norm
- reinforce any responsible behaviors with praise rather than rewards
- provide consequences for irresponsible behavior to deter any future episodes
How can parents create an environment where children know they are expected to be responsible? In a home schooling situation, the parents demonstrate responsibility by making sure they pay attention to the children's needs in education and have times when children are expected to complete their schoolwork as well as their regular chores around the house. They should provide the children with time when they can work on their own and times where they can help the other children of the family.
Parents that admit when they make a mistake and take steps to correct it show their children that they are willing to take responsibility for their actions. They should not try to hide their faults from the children and if there is something that they cannot do or do well, they should say so and find another person that can help the children.
Even as toddlers, children should learn right from wrong. They should have rules set and know that when they break these rules, there will be consequences. Toddlers can learn to put away their toys when they are finished playing with them. Children can learn to speak politely at home and to ask for help when they need it. Teenagers usually have an allowance that they can spend as they wish. They will learn quickly that if they waste it or spend it all at the same time, they will have to do without until the time of the next allowance.
By breaking large expectations of responsibility into small manageable chunks, children can comprehend the concept better. Instead of assigning a large chunk of material to be completed by a certain date, parents can divide the material in manageable sections with a date of completion for each section. Then as the child gets older, the sections can become larger.
Every time a child shows responsibility, the parent should recognize it with praise. Praise is it s own reward by making the child feel good about himself/herself. When you provide rewards for showing responsibility, the child may get the idea that he/she should be paid to act in this way and may not do so when there is no tangible reward presented.
Being the father of five; I hope to teach my child with my actions and my words. With the Labor Day weekend and a finally moment to reflect - I thought about the things I hope I can pass on to my children.
This is not focused on teaching them how to add or spell but how to face life and be of character. We all have a responsibility to resource, equip, teach, and provide for those who are coming after us, and who are preparing to take our place. We mus focus on their growth; to teach them the things you value the most. Teach them to learn from your mistakes and not necessarily repeat them. It's probably your most important and fulfilling tasks as a parent - passing on the values that will sustain them through their lives of challenging tasks and difficult decisions.
What, then, should we be careful to pass on tour children? What values do you want to instill? Here are my ten torches I hope to pass on:
To value money less: I want my child to not let their careers dictate their time and who they are. Learn them to find joy in their family and friends; in serving others and to find your stock in life in god and not in your workplace. Saving - you must teach your child to learn to save more and spend less and to not have to continue upgrading your spending habits to match your earning increases. Teach your child to enjoy their current status and what they own. Your child should want to find their satisfaction in worship and not in your toys.
Reflection time: I hope to instill in my children how critical free time is and how valuable your time is. I think as a generation our worst fault is our "busyness" and ability to overbook ourselves. We never ever have any time to reflect or to meditate; to spend time alone or for that matter to book a lazy time at home with the family. The first lesson is about time - to have more free time and to be less busy; less scheduled; less stress - to value your free time and to learn to schedule "nothing" or time to do nothing. The time to meditate; to reflect; to dream and plan is so critical to a healthy life but is often completely missed. I want to teach my children to leave the office an hour early to spend more time with the family instead of working late.
A Servants Attitude: As Americans most of us are blessed to have more than we will ever need. Most of us live in excess - having more toys and spending our free time enjoying our toys and leisure. We should want to teach my children to use their blessings on helping others - to use their free time serving others. It takes a long time to realize the joy of helping others far exceeds the pleasure of driving a new boat or playing the latest video game. My second torch to pass on is to teach my children it is far greater to serve others than to serve yourself.
The importance of friends - deep biding relationships. One of the best things we can bequeath to the next generation is how helpful, how rich, and how essential it is to have abiding and vulnerable personal relationships with one another. They need deep relationships that they can not only share with but who will also hold them accountable. They need connections that transcend friendships and ones that go deep within to give each other safety, grace, acceptance, comfort, and truth - relationships in which we provoke each other to love and good works. (Hebrews 10:24) They need to have a small group that is biblically based and will help them grow spiritually.
Less perfection. It seems with emails; computers and better communications - errors seem to get magnified and publicized. Unfortunately this has led to huge pressures to be perfect. Everyone now strives to be so perfect. We shouldn't teach our children to be perfect! I hope to teach my children to be able to accept the truth about faults, weaknesses, and failures and not hide in shame, self-judgment, and condemnation. Teach your child to be more forgiving and less judgmental. I want them to learn to be honest beyond honest; about confession, forgiveness, grief, restoration, healing, and moving on. This will help them deal with the baggage they will naturally carry and learn to grow as imperfect people who have a living message of hope for a world that is lost. Learn them to experience more joy and happiness in their imperfection.
Less judging. This seems to be such an issue I decided to make it a point in itself. We all judge OURSELVES and others too harshly. Culture is constantly setting standards no one can meet and then we judge ourselves too severely. We judge each other way to much. It seems these days those who call themselves Christians end up being the most judgmental. The most important value to teach them is honesty; about confession, forgiveness, grief, restoration, healing, and moving on. And once they learn to be less judgmental of others they also stop being so concerned with judging themselves and if others are judging them. It's so freeing.
Praise. I hope to model to my children how proud I am of them; how wonderful they are and how much God loves them. Our children need our blessing. They need to know we aren't holding on to power, territory, or authority. They need to know we trust them and love them and we believe in them and Support them, take initiative to help, mentor them, and guide them. Give them confidence in who they are so they aren't so apt to change to make someone else happy.
God's blessings don't mean being wealthy. Unfortunately we have somehow tied our wealth or lack of it to how much God is blessing us. And if we are successful it's because God is blessing our actions. True we do owe everything to God but somehow we attribute our success to his approval and that's far from the truth. You should want my children to learn God's love and blessings are the same whether we are rich or poor and aren't an indication of either.
Worship values. We need to teach and model the realities of what is truly important in life. Our time to worship and our faith in God should be the most important thing in our lives. Worship is a seven day per week pastime not a Sunday morning date. Our children have to know that everydat starts with God. And Sunday also needs to have more reverence. Sunday is THE day of worship, a day of reverence and rest not a day to schedule birthday parties and little league games. They need to learn how to and model the reality of God and his grace, being loving in our relationships, the truth of the Word of God, the salvation that comes through Jesus, the importance of a life surrendered to God, that God is first and foremost, that God sees all we do so being an honest person, living holy lives, and living in community - is the only way to live. Once we trust in God and put our faith in him and worship Him as He deserves - the rest of our lives become much richer and become much easier to manage. I Hope Our children have to know that all of reality and all of life is spiritual at the core. This is God's universe, whether we are dealing with marriage, dating, finances, careers, or our mission in life. We have to teach our children to see that God has principles, answers, solutions, and guidance for every single area of life, so they will look to him and trust his ways. Learn to trust in the Bible for our answers not our culture.
The Importance of Prayer - The Most Important Value is Last. We need to pass on to our children how important prayer is; what a blessing it is to be able to talk to God. You will not find a better person to listen to you or to guide you. How often is HE and our prayer time the first thing we cut out of our busy schedule. Teach them to have a set prayer time; to start the day in prayer; to pray in the same quiet room; to become a habitual prayer. Pray, Pray and Pray.
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