There are no formulas to protect our teenagers from all the dangers and demands of the world. They are being exposed to academic pressures, peer pressures, identity formation issues, and let's not forget sex, drugs, alcohol and violence. Adolescent behavior is erratic, oppositional, unpredictable, impulsive and at times, just unmanageable. There's the mood swings, the lack of motivation and judgment, and that sense of omnipotence. The good news is that most teenagers survive this stage (as well as the parents) with little long term damage. To parent a teen in today's society we need a great deal of skill, endurance, wisdom, strength and compassion.

The first step in parenting an adolescent is education. Learn about the developmental challenges, the changes in brain structure, the research on peer influence, intimacy and sexuality, drugs and alcohol and the internet. Get familiar with the new trends, clothing style and language. Second, knowing that teenagers will demonstrate unreasonable and unpredictable behaviors, acting out, depression, withdrawal etc, learn to distinguish normal adolescent behaviors from serious mental disorders. The rule of thumb in these situations is "when in doubt seek professional help NOW." Be sure you consult with a child and adolescent psychiatrist, psychologist, mental health counselor or social worker. DO NOT wait, it may be too late.

Now that you've been educated (there are wonderful books and resources on the subject) there are things you can do at home to travel this road more smoothly. Here are some other suggestions that might help. First, pick your battles. They are at the peak of identity formation, they will dress and listen to music you may find disturbing, but there are bigger battles to fight. Place priority on respect, responsibility, self-esteem and academic achievement. Second, keep your cool. You will be challenged like no other time in your life. Practice active listening, which means without judgment, putting yourself in their position, seeing the world form their vantage point of view, collecting information. This will encourage communication and a sense of connection with your teen. Last and most important, model appropriate behaviors. Avoid screaming, threatening, violence, out of control and inappropriate behaviors. You are the most influential person in your teen's life. The bottom line is "do as I do not as I say."