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[B720]Black Married With Kids

by Terry Ross, Ter

Married with kids? Lost the romance in your life? Have intimate moments and uninterrupted lovemaking become a thing of the past? Do you sometimes wonder if you ever knew each other and do you just yearn for the odd candlelit dinner, special moment in front of a roaring fire or just an evening with your feet up drinking wine?

With the children around have you just forgotten what it's like to have some good adult fun?

So often you hear stories of the great love life that once was and that has just become a distant memory after years of putting the children first. If life is beginning to get you down and you are in desperate need of some light adult relief now is the time to make an effort and get some personal and relationship time back into your life.

If you are faking sexual enjoyment or constantly saying no just because you have lost the time, energy and desire now is the time to put your marriage first and resolve one of those common marriage problems that can develop into real relationship killers.

My advice to couples that are struggling with the intimate side of their marriage is to rearrange the priorities in their life. Make time to be together, no matter how much you love your children you need time without them, time to enjoy adult company and time to be alone.

Your marriage needs to move up your list of priorities, don't wait for spontaneity, it just isn't going to happen, when can it when the children are around? Learn to plan time together, arrange for someone else to look after the kids, plan for all your children to be visiting friends at the same time, have a reciprocal arrangement with friends or neighbours which allows you both to have some relationship time. Look at summer camps and kids clubs and any other activities that your children will enjoy leaving you free and relaxed to enjoy each others company.

Couples with children often become concerned about the loss of intimacy, the relaxed lovemaking and romantic evenings they enjoyed earlier in their marriage. It's a common marriage problem but certainly not impossible to resolve.

Don't just assume that once the kids have grown up you will be able to work on your marriage. I can tell you for sure it just won't happen. Just look at the number of marriages that end in divorce once the children left home and look at the number of loveless lonely marriages that exist just for the sake of the kids.

Your children are precious and should be cherished and adored but your relationship is where it all started, where the love between you and your partner created such special lives. Don't let the balance swing towards your children at the expense of your marriage. Your children don't need you 24/7 they need to know that you are there if they need you. If you asked them would they really begrudge the time that you need to give to your relationship if they knew that they would have two parents rather than one!

Is not making time for each other really that good for the kids when it means you are constantly arguing, not speaking or avoiding each other because you've let your marriage go to the dogs? Becoming parents shouldn't mean no romance, no love and no sex, it just means you need to learn to make time for those intimate moments that could ultimately lighten up your life and save your marriage.

For a start, make sure you make time each day for cuddle, even if it's ten minutes after the children have gone to bed. Always kiss each other hello and goodbye, caress each other as you pass (the odd fleeting caress when the children aren't looking is exciting and can heighten desire, it will focus your mind beyond the more mundane chores that come with parenthood). Flirt with each other, rent a romantic movie and watch it after the kids have gone to bed. Plan to be alone for the odd evening, afternoon or even a weekend.

Schedule personnel time, get your hair done, go shopping for yourself not the kids, by the odd present for your partner, do all those things that used to make you feel special.

If you feel good about yourself you will feel good about your relationship and if you feel good about your relationship you will spend more time focusing on how to get time alone and what to do when it happens. Who needs spontaneity when less time together means that every moment is that much more special……

Of course, like anything else worthwhile, maintaining a healthy husband and wife relationship with children underfoot takes effort. The following tips can help keep marital bliss alive:

Happy Marriage Recipe

Every happy marriage begins and ends with the same ingredient; the willingness to negotiate. The stumbling block in some relationships, however, is that while the husband was taught to take the upper hand, the wife may have been trained to cooperate. Marriage partners in an equal marriage need to define their husband wife role, to themselves and each other. This lays the groundwork for mutual respect; and the understanding that when there is a conflict, both parties must be ready to negotiate.

A Touch of Romance

Every bit as important as remaining best friends throughout married life, intimacy in marriage is vital. This includes emotional intimacy as well as sexual intimacy. Time alone together to share feelings is a must. An occasional romantic dinner or romantic weekend getaway can work wonders in bringing the two of you closer together and reducing stress. Go on a date with your spouse! And remember, intimacy doesn't always have to lead to sex; nor should it. Time to just hold hands or cuddle is crucial for maintaining a close, happy relationship.

Rituals and Routines

A family ritual such as mom gets to sleep late every other Saturday morning while dad gets up with the kids, and visa versa, is a habit that can become a fun, meaningful ritual. And although having a daily routine sounds mundane, routines are essential for a happy, harmonious family life. For instance, weekly or monthly family activites, and a pizza and movie night every other week can be fun parts of a family routine. Agreeing upon rituals that support family values and a daily routine as a couple is another key to a happy marriage.

In Summary

The best advice I received was from my sister, "You have to work on your marriage. The children will grow up and move away. You still want to have a relationship with your spouse after they are gone." Your relationship with your spouse has to come first if you are going to be a good parent. The children will be happier and more secure if they see you have a strong relationship. Besides, after your children grow up and move away, you don't want to look at your spouse and wonder who this stranger is because you do not know each other anymore.

Article Source : Marriage Vow

About Author

Both Terry Ross & Bonnie Foshee are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Terry Ross has sinced written about articles on various topics from Writing, Parental Care and Hypnotherapy. For more information on Common Marriage Problems and how to save your marriage visit my websites: . Terry Ross's top article generates over 33100 views. to your Favourites.

Bonnie Foshee has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family, Marriage and Flirting Tips. Bonnie Foshee, Parenting Expert, Discover 11 Free Powerful . If you need help with your marriage, go to. Bonnie Foshee's top article generates over 2400 views. to your Favourites.