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Your Online Guide » Dating Guide » Online Dating

[D45]Dating Advice For Single
by Vivienne Flower, Viv

What is it?

Believe it or not, speed dating was introduced in the late 1990's by an orthodox rabbi as a way for single Jewish people to meet other jews and therefore avoid marrying outside of their faith. These singles could meet potential Jewish marriage mates in a supervised setting. The dating worked so well and was so well thought of that the secular community latched on to it, and a movement of sorts was born.

In commercial speed dating, prospects gather at a pub or cafĂ©, often on weekdays during dinner hour, and each is given a name tag and a scorecard. Couples are matched up, and the “game” begins. Everybody joins with their first match and five to seven minutes of getting to know each other ensue. A timer is rung when time is up, each person marks on their card whether they found this person to be somebody whom they wish to talk to again, and the men move on to the next table, to meet the next lady. Later, if both participants are in agreement, the coordinators of the speed date give out phone numbers. Generally singles make ten contacts during an event, and about 50 per cent of all members participating walk away with at least one phone number.

So How can this be done online?

There are at least two easy ways that a type of speed dating can be done online. The first involves using e-mail or private messaging through your favourite dating site, the second involves live chat rooms. Both require a little bit of energy spent setting them up so that they go smoothly.

For e-mail/PM speed dating, you would contact nine or eleven other singles, an even mix of men and women, with the leftover person being the opposite gender from yourself (if you're not participating, use an even number of singles, for example, five men, five women).

Set up the arrangements as follows:

• Allot five days for completion of the “speed dates”.

• All men would be given the e-mail or PM address of all of the prospective women, and vice versa.

• Each participant agrees to send a message to each of their potential dates within three days, asking five questions (decide the number before inviting participants!) which they consider to be “must knows” about singles they are considering meeting.

• speed Daters agree to answer those questions within two days of receiving them.

• After the five days have elapsed, each single sends the organizer the list of their five or six contacts, along with a note beside each name of whether they wish to talk more with that person or not. The organizer sends notes back to each single with the list of their potential partners who have indicated a mutual interest. From there, it's up to each single to continue contact or not.

Chat room

Chat rooms are in real time, so a day and a time would need to be planned, along with determining which singles you plan to invite. Keep the group small, no more than ten to twelve couples, and if you plan to participate, make sure there is an odd number, with the oddball being the opposite gender from yourself.

Some free Australian sites allow groups that can be set up just for this purpose:

An online speed date might work something like this:

• Decide the length of the speed dates. Five, six, or seven minutes are most common.

• You MUST plan out the order of the pairings in advance. For example, Woman Number One meets with Man One, Man Two, Man Three, Man Four, and Man Five, in that order.

• Everybody gathers in the chat room at the appointed time, and the dates begin. At the organizer's signal, each couple goes to private messaging for the duration of the five to seven minute date.

• When the allotted time has passed, each person private messages the organizer with a yes or a no for the person they've just met with. At the organizer signal, the entire group then move on to a private message session with the next person on their list.

• At the end of the speed date, the organizer privately lets each participant know who expressed a mutual interest in getting to know them better, giving each person the e-mail information for their potential future dates. It's as easy as that!

Why do this?

For singles whose lives are busy and who find themselves without much time to meet many other people, speed dating is a great way to establish a wider pool of people to choose from, in a short amount of time. Using one of the online versions of speed dating in conjunction with your favourite dating site, you can dig a little bit deeper than personal profiles show and get a better idea of whether these people are interesting enough to look into further. And besides which… it's fun and may net you some new friends!


You enjoy math, chemistry, and you thrash out algorithms to solve practical problems. You are smart; actually, you're a geek! But being a geek shouldn't stop you from actively dating. It would be possible that spending too much time studying, reading, solving problems, and pursuing other ?egghead? activities might leave you a little light on social techniques. Here's a scientific way to solve your dating problem.

Given

Geeks are afraid to date. That's a given. They are afraid they might come out too nerdy, weird or boring. But believe it or not, girls don't avoid geeks like the plague. In fact, many people find geeks interesting and even cute. So relax, there's no ?Do Not Date? sign printed on your forehead. Dating is something that everybody does, so there's no reason that a geek can't do it well.

Unknown

Your biggest challenge as a geek is to overcome this fright and ask girls out. Fear not, for what is unknown to you, is laid out step by step in the solution below.

Solution

Step 1: Overcoming Communication Issues

Probably the biggest dating problem facing geeks would be communication. Geeks tend to use too much technical jargon. In social settings, this gets worse because they tend to switch to sci-fi mode and lose non-geeks with their references to scenes from Star Wars or names from the planet Tatooine. So there: not everyone is into science fiction and video games.

Step 2: Bridging the communication gap

Quite simply, this issue can be most effectively solved by the techniques of effective communication. Effective communication states that misunderstanding can be avoided if parties try to understand the person they are talking to, and try to picture their conversation from that other person's point of view.

When you talk to someone, a potential date, imagine if she will appreciate your geeky terms. What is she like, her background? What is she interested in? Try to picture your conversation through her eyes, and visualize how she would receive what you're saying.

Step 3: Show Your Interest

Be genuinely interested in knowing her. Be aware of where they are coming from when they are talking to you. So, in turn, you can better understand them.

Remember that in most communications, the actual words make up only 7 percent of the message, while the remaining 93% is non-verbal (body language, facial expression, eye contact, voice tone and quality). So be mindful of the messages you send.

Step 4: Take It Slow

Date unhurriedly; take time in meeting people and asking more than one girl out on a date. There's no need to dive into a deeper relationship with someone unless you have had the time to know each other better and to see if you are emotionally ready.

Step 5: Inject Variety

Don't confine yourself to the usual dinner in a restaurant. Set up a date where one of you prepares a meal at home. Go outdoors for a picnic, kite flying, shopping for fresh produce, a fairground or carnival. Mix the routine with the adventurous venues, and you will have a wealth of diverse experiences and stories to share with your date.

Don't confine yourself in dating from school or the neighborhood. There are many online dating services available, even for the geek in you. Visit a dating network for geeks like you interested in science, chemists, and biologists. That's a good place to find a perfect match.

Step 6: Enjoy!

Date to make yourself happy. Who you date is entirely your choice. Whether she is a fellow geek or not, she must be someone you want to spend time with or you will be happy to go out with.

Enjoy the conversations that you are able to carry. Enjoy the busy weekends with several, interesting girls. Enjoy the places, activities and adventures that you embark in as you go on a date. Enjoy the fact that you are getting good at dating.

Being a geek should not get in the way of dating. You simply have to attack it like a math problem that you happily tackle. Know the givens; understand the unknown; and follow the procedure to solve the unknown; and, ?Eureka! Dating problem, solved!?

Article Source : Pg. 31

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Both Vivienne Flower & My Relationship Tips are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

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