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[D45]Dating Advice For Guys

by The Singles Coach Trisha Stone, The

You are a single woman who is frustrated because your life and relationships are humdrum and mundane. Time to make some changes. What are you really passionate about? What makes your heart sing? Are you waiting for a relationship to make your life begin? It's time to step out of your comfort zone and begin to live a life that has energy and momentum.

Step 1 - Move out of Indecisive

As a single coach many of the women I speak to are indecisive about their lives and particularly about relationships. They seem to be in a rut and don't know how to find the time, energy or focus to have it be different.

Ask yourself the question; is my life as I would like it to be? Do I have a picture of how I want my life to look in a year, 2 years, 5 years? I suggest that if you want you life to be different you first have to start with your own vision. Part of this vision will probably include a relationships. So Step 1 is to build your vision, give yourself time and space to do this - get yourself a notebook, look at all areas of your life, including relationships, and write down how you would life to look.

Step 2 - Moving from trying to doing

Part of the problem for single women is that you do not know how to make the changes in your attitudes and actions. Quite a lot of the time I hear women say that they will ?try? to do something. Have you ever just tried to pick up a cup? Just trying ends in failure because you will not complete the action.

So now you have a vision how are you going to make this happen? How are you going to convert trying into doing? Step 2 is about learning not just to dip your toe in the water but to make the first step. Look at the work you have done on your vision and ask yourself what is the one thing I can do today which will move me towards that vision? This action will often be very small but it is a step taken and achieved.

Step - 3 Change

Change is not half-hearted, it has energy and dynamism. It is about having a headline for your life that says "I know where I am heading and I am walking in that direction". So in Step 2 I talked about taking the first steps. Although these may be small at first the aim is for you to get your life in motion and find more energy for yourself.

Step 3 is about how to find that energy. If you want to achieve lasting change in your life you are going to have to feel successful in the steps you are taking. What are you really passionate about that you are not doing now? What makes your heart sing? I suggest you concentrate on those areas of life that will bring you the biggest gains first. That means don't necessarily look at the relationship part first, look at those parts that you can achieve on your own.

Step 4 - Commitment to yourself first

Guess what, you need to fix your life first and a relationship that you desire will follow. This sounds like a tall order but I can assure you it works like that. Your first commitment is to yourself and getting all the pieces of your life in order so that you can have the future that you desire.

How can you keep that commitment? Step 4 is you putting your agenda at the top of your list of priorities. This is not about being selfish but about being self-focused and self-disciplined. Take the situation when you have promised yourself that you will do a particular task that will move you towards your vision. A friend phones, she is lonely and would like to meet for a drink. It is easy for you to give up on your task after all you want to be a good friend but it is more important to remind yourself about your priorities. After all you can meet her tomorrow night. So don't put off those things that move you further down your path.

Step 5 - Making a plan and sticking to it.

It is so easy to let life get in the way and find yourself back where you were. Therefore the most important part is having a plan for your life and for relationships that will keep you focused on moving forward.

My suggestion is that Step 5 is for you draw up a plan. It will have different areas for the different parts of your life. Then ask yourself what can I do this week, this month, this 6 months to move forward? Now it is time to make appointments with yourself, but your tasks in your diary. Be kind to yourself and don't make them too big or too many just slow and steady. See yourself being successful in ticking them off week by week.

Rosh Hashanah is coming fast. Then there is Thanksgiving. Christmas. Hanukkah. Are you doomed to a miserable holiday if your relatives drive you crazy? What if you are just introducing your family to a serious date, someone who could be the One? Does Aunt Millie always cluck about what a shame it is that you are single? Even if your family is a battlefield, or you are super stressed-out you can turn any holiday one of the best holidays you've ever had. Simply use my five-step dating advice “secret sauce” for singles that have to deal with problem relatives at the traditional family gatherings:

1. Shock your troublesome ‘bad egg' relatives into being cordial or even likeable. List three things, even small things, like hair color or crossword puzzle ability, you truly appreciate about them. Work these things into your conversation in an authentic way at the beginning of the family visit. This will tend to shock these ‘bad eggs' into being ‘good eggs.'

2. Use the therapist's secret. When you're facing a battleaxe relative, win by refusing to fight. Accept comments about your appearance, weight or singlehood that used to upset you with a nod and say “That's the way you see it.” This really throws them and saves you from a lot of holiday stress.

3. Stop worrying about looking good. Maybe you've just broken up with someone who your parents liked. You feel loser-like, vulnerable and lonely coming to the family dinner. You worry about how you are dressed, the extra pounds you've put on and various other assorted silly ideas. Realize that the way they see you doesn't really matter. Underneath whatever they say, they probably love you to pieces. So forget about looking good. Your real job is to have fun and enjoy yourself.

4. Set up a positive bond when a new boy/girlfriend comes to a holiday dinner with your family. Beforehand, tell both the family and your friend all the “good news” about each other. Introduce discussion topics both have interest in. If you are the newbie in the family, bring an incredibly thoughtful gift for the occasion, ask questions and listen a lot. Appreciate any and all good things about the meal, the house and the family members and remember to tell them what you enjoyed!

5. Set your intention for this holiday. You can make up your mind to have a happy holiday, no matter what your family relationships are like. Decide something like, “This is the happiest Rosh Hashanah or Thanksgiving I've ever had.” Remember to use the present tense. Instead of engaging in family relationship battles, as soon as it's possible, give yourself your own fun—excuse yourself and go for a walk or make snow angels with the kids. As it is in other life situations like work and career, setting your intention, is the most important step. This holiday you will probably be just as happy as you decide to be.

You can learn much more about the latest research on creating intentions especially in dealing with friends, frenemies and family in my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

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Both The Singles Coach Trisha Stone & Dr. Diana Kirschner are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

The Singles Coach Trisha Stone has sinced written about articles on various topics from Flirting Tips, Dating Mistakes. Article written by You can also find Trisha Stone listed in the. The Singles Coach Trisha Stone's top article generates over 1600 views. to your Favourites.

Dr. Diana Kirschner has sinced written about articles on various topics from Flirting Tips, Home Improvement and Flirting Tips. Psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, appeared on Oprah and is a frequent guest on the Today Show. For 25+ years she has helped thousands of single women find love. Her acclaimed new book is. Dr. Diana Kirschner's top article generates over 3600 views. to your Favourites.