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These are all good and relevant questions, and as advice for the older dating man, for us, they are all very important. We have usually worked now for the majority of our lives and like most older women, we have a lot to bring into a relationship that we could end up loosing. This is a world in whose moral fibers seem to be slipping into darkness.
At the same time technology has advanced to the point where we have more options at our finger tips for finding that elusive soul mate or trying our hand at a second or third marriage.
My advice for the older dating man is this; as a connoisseur in this arena and over fifty, it is to get to know your perspective mate. Is there any hurry? In some cases there may be, only to avoid temptations that would go against any spiritual beliefs. On this subject I can only say that faith is an essential additive in your progress. If the potential mate that you finally find is of your spiritual persuasion then you need to look for the spiritual fruit that only comes through maturity in the belief that you share. Even a mature Christian or whatever persuasion of faith that may be shared can fall into their own willful rut of relationship suicide. This is sometimes unavoidable. In these matters, the only advice I can give is to grasp a healthy and potent dose of forgiveness for the offensive person's actions and heal thoroughly before trying again. For some, this seems to be an insurmountable task.
I want to address the questions posed above one at a time. A resounding, Yes, it is worth it! Man nor woman was not meant to be alone, nor to grow old without that intimate love and sharing that makes a person complete.
Do you have what it takes? Yes, all of us are of value, all of us have something to offer a potential spouse. We, no matter how ugly we may feel, we can be someone else's dream husband. There's an old adage that applies even to us men, and it goes like this, “one woman's trash, is another woman's treasure!” Of course it actually was, “one man's trash is another man's treasure,” but that had to do with real trash! My advice for the older dating man is, remember what you're made of!
What's important is that we have to be able to accept ourselves, before we will be acceptable to our potential spouse. Men, it is imperative that we know who we are and where we have been. It's important to know what you want and where you want to go! While competence and maturity is an essential part of our character, keep it from becoming pride and arrogance. Your relationship, if it even begins to evolve will fall flat on its face in the midst of those two negative attributes. Women want a man who is confident in himself, but mixed with enough humility to create a proper balance.
As advice for the older dating man, women need a caring and loving man; not a boastful, cunning, arrogant, idiot. By the time we reach that over the hill status in our life we need to have shed those childlike qualities that say- this man never grew out of adolescence!
Can you find a woman who is not too independent? That is a good question! There are a lot of women out there who although their lifestyle or actions may say, I don't need a man, deep inside; they need us as much as we need them. We were made to be together and to be in love, and not any other way!
To answer the last question, we can be attractive in many ways. Women aren't as concerned as much at an older age about external qualities as they are with the inner man. We need to be mature, consistent, have integrity in what we do, be honest and being able to be romantic is a very necessary ingredient. At an older age, vanity is not as prevalent and many women can see through the love handles, the pitted facial qualities, the saggy skin and the bifocal lenses to the heart of a sincere, honest, humble, and warm heart and embrace your other qualities as well. So my final advice for the older dating man is this; show them a man who is real and that will last through the rest of the senior years. Better grow old together than to grow old alone.
Divorce is a very traumatic incident in the life of an individual. It is equally painful for both the partners, as well as for the children of such broken homes, who tend to develop feelings of fear, sorrow, uncertainty, insecurity, and anger. Some children of disrupted homes also tend to suffer from depression, panic attacks, suicidal tendency and fits of rage and violence owing to the stressful environment at home and due to the unbearable sorrow of separation from the non-custodial parent.
However normal you may project your life to be, your life does not remain the same after you get divorced and separated from your spouse; especially if you have confused kids, who are subjected to the trauma of divorce. They cannot come to terms with the reality and show a degree of resentment towards the custodial parent and hold him responsible for their plight. Under these circumstances, it becomes extremely difficult for a divorced man to get back to normal life, let alone to start dating again. Here is some useful advice for the divorced dating man which will ease out his journey into the dating world.
1. Relax, you are not committing a sin – The stigma associated with divorce is such, that the society may pity your children and hate you for going ahead and making an effort to restore normalcy in your life. The first and foremost advice for the divorced dating man is to realize that it is not a sin to want to lead a normal life even after you get divorced. Everyone has a right to be happy, so you are not doing anything wrong if you are seeking the company of a person with whom you can be happy and forget your past sorrows. Unless you relax, and understand this, you will be weighted down by a guilty feeling, which can make your life unfulfilling.
2. Ascertain your needs – The next important piece of advice for the divorced dating man is that you should not take any additional responsibilities and burdens in your life until you are emotionally, mentally and physically strong enough again. Ask yourself whether you want a casual friendly relationship with your dating partner, or, whether you want to get involved in a serious relationship, which entails a certain degree of commitment from both the partners. You need to seriously ascertain your needs and expectations from your partner because you obviously do not want any additional shocks in your life.
3. Place a clear picture in front of your partner – Suppose you are sure that you want to go ahead and have a committed relationship with your dating partner. Here is the next important piece of advice for the divorced dating man – tell your partner the truth about your past life, your kids, your commitments, and anything else that would affect your partner's life later on. In case your partner also has kids or other commitments, discuss your stand on the issue. If you are expecting her to be supportive and indulgent, then you also need to reciprocate with an equal degree of compassion and generosity. Only then can you expect your relationship to grow strong with time. In case your partner is not supportive or does not demonstrate any empathy, then in that case, just stop seeing her because there is not sustainability in such a relationship.
4. Discuss the possibility of starting a fresh relationship with your kids – Perhaps the most important piece of advice for the divorced dating man is to be open with the kids. Tell them of your possible relationship with another woman and let them know that they are the most important priority for you. Appease their fears, confusion, or feelings of rejection or abandonment. Make them feel secure, safe and wanted.