[D520]Does Love Really Exist

I am a 42 year old married man with 4 children living in a 4-bedroomed home in the southern suburbs of a city called Cape Town. I have a little out-building in my backyard and this is where my Mom stays. A day in my life is as follow, get up in the morning, drop off two young children at their respective schools, drive to work, drive home from work, eat supper the lovely wife made, watch TV and go to sleep. My weekend is the same except for the work and schools part that you can substitute with taking family to shopping Mall and sleeping.



What happened? It seems like only yesterday I was still a young budding teenager and boy, what is that saying again so many women so little time,yea right, by my 4th relationship I was in love and speaking words like I love you,forever,and make me the happiest man on earth and say you will marry me.



When young, you think you know it all, a word like forever is easy to utter, face it, forever seems to short a time. I was 17 years old when I joined a local senior cricket club playing in the amateur leagues. The club consisted of 4 youngsters like me and 12 other members whose ages ranged from 26 to 45. Everything our senior colleagues tried to tell (or warn) us about life still to come fell on deaf ears. After all what did these old immature Oldies know, they kept rambling on and on about how well they played in days gone by and about their so-called escapades with the fairer sex, yeah right gives us a break.



When certain rumors were proven true about 3 of the forty-year olds that were cheating on their wives, I for one was disgusted. What happened to love, honor, obey, cherish and forever, what was wrong with these guys? My Eldest brother, who happened to be one of the 3, and I had a little blow up over this issue and I remember him saying that he was going through a mid-life crises and this is something every man goes through in their life. His closing argument was a killer, these words I will never forget. He said, talk to me again when you experience what I am going through and believe me, you will experience it.



After experiencing 6 years of marital bliss I felt I was the king of my country. I had a beautiful wife, two lovely daughters, a house and a nice car and a satisfying job, what more could a man want? Hmm, the Lord works in mysterious ways or was it that evil bastard Ibliss (better known as Satan), all I know is my 30th birthday was fast approaching and suddenly the fear of growing old hit me from nowhere. To make things interesting a beautiful 31 year old, who also happened to be single and unattached, came to work at the company I was with and yes, she and I hit it off immediately.



All of the sudden the lady is constantly on my mind, I cannot stop talking about her, I mean she is the most exciting person ever. It did not take long for her to be a topic of argument between the missus and me and my closing statement for the missus was to love someone is to trust someone. The lady and I somehow automatically started spending a lot of time together and here I sincerely blame the workplace. We got to know each other very well and the attraction was mutual. Oddly enough for some strange selfish reason on my part, I started comparing her to the missus. Suddenly the grass looked greener on the other side, I mean she was much more exciting, she traveled the world, she had vast experience and knowledge and she was so independent, boy, she was everything the missus was not. Well, the moment of truth finally arrived, opportunity came knocking, and I mean we could do the thing and nobody would ever know but I never went through with it. I still have not got a clue as to what stopped me, was I too chicken, was my love for the missus stronger than I thought, was it because of my children or my reputation of wanting to be a good honest guy or best of all was it my determination to prove my brother wrong. In the end I broke if off before it could start and a big part of me felt proud of what I did but a bit part of me did want to kick myself where the sun do not shine for passing up on the opportunity, God please give me just one night with her with no repercussions, please! A month later the wife fell pregnant with my son.



Years went by and up to now I am proud to say I have never been unfaithful except with my eyes and in my fantasies. My two older daughters have become teenagers and it has been hard keeping away all the horny teenage bastards sons of bitches trying to get fresh with my babies but I am up for the challenge, my son is about to go to High School and then there is my 4 year old baby girl who just happen to be my favorite for now. The job and the finances have meanwhile gotten better but something is amiss.



A few months ago and into my life pops this young 23 year old. After only speaking business over the phone for over a year, we decide to get together for coffee to meet each other personally. Now this was exciting, out of the blue and Mr. Forty-something, suddenly feels like a young teenager again, I am actually giggling like a school boy with a major crush. All of a sudden I need some new clothes that are hip, yes I need a major hair cut and most definitely a good clean shave and some clorets sweets for the breath and manly smelling deodorant and God knows what else.



The days leading up to the coffee date are exciting. We E-Mailing each other, flirting like hell and when she somehow hints that she is developing some sort of feelings for me, I conveniently neglect to tell her that I am married with 4 kids. Finally the day of reckoning arrives and it is hard hiding the excitement from the missus and the rest of the family but somehow I manage. As I am supposedly riding in to work I call the young lady on this marvelous invention called a cell phone and I press the call button as my phone listing reaches AFS Marketing Manager because that is what I got her number saved under just in case the missus gets hold of my phone and God forbids starts playing around with it. There is this air of happiness surrounding me, we agree that I am to pick her up at the train station in town and as I arrive at the station my heart is pounding out of control, I have not felt this kind of nervous excitement in a very long time I am practically jumping instead of walking, out comes the cell phone again and we enquiring about each others whereabouts in the station and then we see each other and she is everything I pictured her to be, at first there is an awkward silence coupled with childish smiles and then almost from nowhere we get past the awkwardness and a connection between us is made.



We off riding in my car to a nearby coffee shop I know in Century City Mall. We seem not to run out of words to say to each other and I am finding her very interesting. I feel like someone that has traveled back in time because these feelings I am feeling were the same ones I felt when I had my first teenage crush. Strange enough for the moment nothing seems to exist except her and me and I am thinking again will the grass be greener this time around. Then as we get to sitting down in the coffee shop somehow it starts feeling like everybody is staring at me with this young girl or maybe I was just being paranoid, I do not know, and as I look at this beautiful young creature sitting opposite me with this youthful enthusiasm bumbling out by the seams and talking to me about her life and the next thing I know the topic changes to our respective ages and obviously there is no way I am telling her mine but madam is not afraid to tell me her age, so the only thing going on inside my head now is the lady was born the year I graduated from high school, crap, next I am thinking had I gotten my freak on in my teens she could have been my daughter. Sometimes I think too much.



Later on as I am riding back to work I have this smile on my face and I am picturing life with her instead of you know who but then it dawns on me again that she is young enough to be my daughter and maybe she has given me all she can already and that was to feel young again if only just for a brief moment. I have tried my best to cool things between us and every time she calls for a second meeting I pretend to be busy at work or I make up some fake business trip I have to undertake for the company. However for some insane reason I had a second meeting with her and she looked even more prettier second time around and still I could not for the life of me get round to tell her that I am an old married man with children but her being a bit youngish and naivish thinks of me a mature eligible bachelor. The idea that this young beauty fancies me is actually very flattering.



Today is the day, I swear, i am telling the young lady who the real me is and I am ending it with her before anything detrimental for me starts. The missus and I just made love this morning and now I am finishing writing this memoir if I am allowed to call it that. I must say even though the missus matured in looks a bit and put on a few pounds here and there, a big part of me realizes that the love I feel for her now has grown into something bigger and deeper over the years. I looked at her this morning with real eyes and discovered she is my rock, my better half, the air that I breathe and I cannot comprehend life without her in it. With her there is no pretending of any kind, she knows, accepts and loves me for who I am and what I have become, I mean what more could a man ask for?



So in conclusion I think that for me forever love does exist but I do not judge anymore those who have stepped out of line because I was just lucky that I did not taste or sample the forbidden fruits. However before love can conquer all it needs to be tested with trails of difficulty else it cannot claim to be above everything. After all is said and done who is to say the missus never got tempted herself, come to think of it I have seen how other men look at her and must say she still is a hottie. Sometimes you neglect to notice the beauties and bounties of what you already have and yearn for what one thinks is better. Tomorrow I am taking the day off from work and I am going act like a young teenager in love with the missus after all we promised each other that we would grow old together. I just got to get past today first.