But lately, it's my marriage that has started to feel a bit pudgy. It's nothing that appeared abruptly, like the extra few pounds the morning after Thanksgiving dinner at your mothers. This extra girth in my marriage is more vague.
Have you ever caught your reflection in a shop window as you pass by and for a split-second, wonder who that middle-aged woman is? The thought annexed to that one is "When did I turn into her?" I know, it's so pathetic, but my extra marital weight is more like that sensation.
Maybe I can describe a few "weighty" instances.My husband had many charming qualities and on top of that, he's very charming.But the very things that others view as cute-his odd stances on inflammatory topics, his thinking that the posted speed limit is the slowest you are allowed to go,his projectile cheering at our sons' soccer games-are the very things that make me want to build a panic room in our basement.
Don't get me wrong, we still have some good conversations, some as long as 10 to 15 seconds.And I guess I could play it down and just go pull some weeds, funneling my energy to the back yard like I've done for the past decade.Being disgruntled pulls weeds like no one's business.
But ,if you are like me, and would like to whip your marriage back into shape, weeding the yard won't be enough.What my husband and I both needed and have benefited from(even though he wasn't fully on board to begin with)was this fitness program that we undertook together to get fit AND work on aspects of our relationship at the same time.
I am a fitness trainer by profession, so I knew what needed to be done physically, but what I craved was to tone up my marriage. I also in my heart believe that people tend to turn into what we think we are and recently I've been channeling my mother's voice as I talk to my own husband.
And even worse, when my husband talks to me in a certain tone of voice over his half-glasses, I swear I can hear Dad's voice barking at, not my mother, but me! I hanker for that newlywed feeling from long ago and I suspect others do too.
We started taking twenty minute walks with the dog in the evenings three times a week, dedicating those minutes to different topics that were hot spots for us; communication one week, resolving conflicts the next week, followed by other topics where we are stuck, like showing gratitude and meeting each other's needs-you get the point.
Within two weeks, we were excited to see each toher when we got home! By the end of the third week, we'd tackled some more serious stumbling blocks, like how I react when I don't get my way, or how his tailgating makes me bark because I am nervous.
We were actually resolving issues That we'd both endured with gritted teeth for the past decade. As my husband surprised me with a short, sweet note on the bathroom mirror last week,I realized that I was ready to weigh in again on the marital scales. I sure felt like this marriage fit A LOT better, more like my favorite jeans did when I first bought them.Not to mention that our sex life was no longer verging on the theoretical.
We have three more sessions to cover on our fitness walks and by then,I intend to be in fighting condition. Luckily, with our marriage in such "great shape", fighting will be a thing of the past.
We have all been there standing there waiting to leave to go someplace while our spouse frantically attempts to pick the right outfit that fits the occasion perfectly and also flatters them and or hides the parts of their body that they hate. You the fool that you are who just picked out something that was clean or worse kept the clothes on that you were wearing or even worse yet put on your favorite jeans and t-shirt happen to wander into the line of fire and yep you guessed it get asked that dreaded question that has no right answer.
Does my ass look fat to you?
The blame of course is cast upon the offending jeans/pants and you have to not only somehow sideswipe that loaded question but also not roll your eyes shake your head or give any type of bodily movement which to them means She does have a Fat Ass and it isn't the jeans fault. You somehow have to get out of there by convincing her that those freaking jeans are no good that the mirror should be replaced and that she looks beautiful in whatever she ultimately chooses.
If you fail to convey those things while appearing sincere or worse yet try to answer the question or roll your eyes or shake your head or try to hurry up the whole process there is a very good chance you will be going alone or worse yet not going at all.(especially if the event was for you or your side ie your friends or family).
Now the problem is that without you having any idea whatsoever your wife girlfriend or significant other has been amping up, the stress building because she had already begun thinking about what she would wear and if it would fit well and who would see her at this event as soon as she heard about the event.
As the day approached unbeknownst to you she was already geared up to spring this loaded question at you if you happened to stagger into this trap innocently under the guise of seeing if she is ready yet. So where does this leave us. Why do they (the women) do this to us poor men? What are they trying to accomplish?
Are they doing it on purpose to ruin your good time and or make you late. (We have all seen the couple who shows up late both in a bad mood obviously still engaged in a pre event while she was getting ready fight that could also include some bitterness or anger towards the man for doing nothing with the house and or kids while she was getting ready).
Is this really just some kind of cry for attention and an easy way to diffuse this situation is to somehow convey to her that she is beautiful lovely smart funny and fashionable certainly more so then everyone else who will be at the party prior to her springing the Does my ass look fat question upon you?
Or is even attempting that by putting yourself in harms way too risky? Are we better off staying away maybe helping with the kids and or cleaning up a little while not looking anxious to go giving us a better chance to make it out of the house without conflict?
I sure as hell don't know.
But I do know one thing you must do if you do get hit with that dreaded question or other similarly loaded questions from your woman you must join forces with her and with all the sincerity you can muster curse those offending jeans and that no good mirror and also tell her how marvelous she looks in her next selection and if all else goes well enjoy youself at the event.
Remember to join http://www.ourdatenight.com for all the tips tricks techniques and tools that will bring that fire back to your relationship and put a smile on your face like the one I had after I orally collected my compensation for my article last night(counting on a similar payment tonight I think there are even more words in this article so maybe twice, one can hope right?
Both Penny Love Hoff & Gina Gray are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Penny Love Hoff has sinced written about articles on various topics from Physical Therapy, Fitness and Lose Weight. Penny Love Hoff, fitness professional and self-proclaimed marital coach, is the author of the revolutionary CD workout program"Does My Marriage Make Me Look Fat?", an eight week fitness program for couples to radically change your body and reawaken your r. Penny Love Hoff's top article generates over 22200 views. to your Favourites.
Gina Gray has sinced written about articles on various topics from Lose Weight. . Gina Gray's top article generates over 4400 views. to your Favourites.