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[E140]Effects Divorce Has On Children

by James Walsh, Jam

75% of teenagers who commit suicide and 70% of juvenile delinquents are children belonging to fatherless homes. These facts and figures are in direct proportion to the divorce rates. Evidential proof to support this has not yet been gathered. But the fact that increases in crime rate and divorce rates are linked, has been proved by circumstantial evidence over the past few years.

The link between child offenders and divorce rates has perplexed many. Single parents have brought up successful and happy children. But this is not the case in majority of the situations. Nature has intended that children be raised by both the parents. A single parent cannot satisfactorily fulfil the role of two.

Both the parents are important in the life of a child. Neither parent can duplicate the role of the other. Unfortunately, the increase in divorce rates has created an increase in children from fatherless families as the mother is often given custodial rights.

Children from Fatherless Families

Cause and Effect

Children love their mother and father. When the father is forced out of their life, the love they feel for him is rudely rebutted. This fills them up with anger. Aggression and anger are closely linked. Aggressive children are 50% more likely to have problems with their teachers. Subsequently, these children turn school dropouts. This sets in motion a chain reaction.

The low educational qualifications of these school dropouts fetch them only low-paid jobs. Low-paid jobs are a direct route to job dissatisfaction and unemployment. Unhappy youth resort to drug and drink for comfort. Predictably, their indulgence in crime or other risky behaviour is also quite high.

Such youth marry young, divorce fast and perpetuate the negative cycle.

Emotional State of Mothers

Lone mothers are more likely to suffer stress-related depression. Their emotional state affects their relationship with their children. They also suffer more physical sickness compared to other married women. This effectively prevents them from giving the requisite loving attention.

Lack of attention creates behavioural problems in children. Unruly behaviour of children is a cause for concern for 30% of single mothers. And they have a serious argument with their offspring leading to other complications. 90% of the runaway children are from single parent families.

Effects Right from Birth

Death of infants due to the sudden infant death syndrome is seven times higher among children born to cohabitating couples.

Growing up, these fatherless children are 56% more likely to exhibit signs of mental sickness. Children staying with the maternal mother and a step-father are 70% more likely to be subjected to emotional or physical abuse.

Children in single parent families thus suffer severely. This unhappiness of theirs has given rise to severe repercussions.

Absence of a Father in a Girl’s Life

Absence of a father figure in the life of children affects both boys and girls equally. However, the absence of a father in the life of a daughter was never recognised.

· Fathers are the first role models for the girls. Girls, who turn young women under their father’s loving care, turn assertively independent. They do not resort to aggression.

· Aggression is normally the characteristic exhibited by girls who know no father. A father in the house is necessary to provide the girls the required security. Insecurity leads to aggression.

· Women without fathers desperately long for male attention. They probably need men outside the family to make them feel secure.

· Though these fatherless girls often long for the love of men, they are unable to create loving relationships. Their father had abandoned them once. This creates a fear of abandonment. This ever-persistent fear of rejection prevents them from forming healthy relationships.

· They ultimately find men who are abusive and the unfulfilled love leaves deep void.

· They hope to fill this void in their life with a baby. This leads to increasing teen pregnancy among fatherless daughters.

· Fatherless daughters often enter into a depression. The reasons are not far to seek. The absence of love in life creates anger. Anger turned inward is depression.

The role of a father in the life of children is vital. Children devoid of a father figure marry early, and divorce soon. They, thus, transmit the negativity associated with the lack of a father figure to the next generation. This is greatly damaging the fabric of society and has to be arrested.

Although it is impossible to completely eliminate the pain surrounding a divorce, it can be considerably reduced with due effort from the parents. When the parents mutually agree to divorce, also known as an uncontested divorce, it helps to avoid courtroom battles and helps in saving the children from a lot of emotional disturbance.

On the other hand, when the decision to divorce is challenged in the court, also known as a contested divorce, it involves lengthy legal proceedings affecting the peace of mind of members of the entire family.

Uncontested Divorce and Children: Caught in a Storm

Thousands of studies have been carried out all over the world by government as well as non-government organisations, education institutions, etc. to study the effect of divorces on children. In most of these cases, the research has been carried out on children from families where the parents divorced after a bitter struggle in the courtrooms. Although there are a few conflicting results, for the most part, the scientific findings remained the same.

Apart from a few exceptions, most of these children seem to be affected by the divorce process. However, the level to which they were affected varied in each child. While some of them were able to overcome these problems with help of their parents, some were affected for a lifetime. Here is a consolidation of all these important and credible findings:

•Academics: Divorce seems to have badly affected the academic performance of most of these children. Following divorces, a lot of children had problems adjusting to the changes and were emotionally too disturbed to concentrate on their academics. As a result, children from divorced families performed worse than the ones living with both the parents. Also, due to reduced family income, there is twice the number of college and school dropouts compared to children from normal household.
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Emotional Responsibilities: The divorce proceeding makes the couple upset and lonely. Hence, sometimes, parents confide all their problems in their children. This has been found to add emotional stress to the children and deprive them of their childhood happiness and innocence.

•Criminal Activities: When they do not have the control of both the parents, children are found to get aggressive and involve in criminal activities such as petty thefts, drugs, etc. In a particular survey, most of the inmates in a prison were found to be affected by the divorce of their parents at their childhood. Also, the girls having early pregnancies are mostly from single-parent household.

•Continuation of Problem: In a considerable number of cases, the divorce seems to affect the next generation too. Research indicates that children growing up with divorced parents have a high probability of divorce when they get married. Some of them even resort to domestic violence having gone through their parents’ divorce in silence.

•Other Problems: Apart from all this, other common trends noticed in these surveys show these children become susceptible to child delinquency, dejection and having problem with peer acceptance. They also stand chances of mental problems due to emotional stress leading to depression.

Common Trends

Although the custody of the children is usually granted to the mother, boys growing up with father tend to fare better. Also, if mother is the custodial parent and remarries, boys tend to bond with their step-fathers in contrast to girls who have problems adjusting to this situation. However, when these children grow up, they are able to adjust to the condition with love and care from the parents.

So, in case you are considering divorce, make sure you have made every attempt to reconcile the differences. If it is not possible, divorce would be the only solution because, in a survey conducted among children, more than 75% of them prefer to live with divorced parents rather than having to live with both of them fighting every day at home. But make sure the divorce process is carried out amicably to avoid any negative influence on your children.

Article Source : Divorce Form

James Walsh has sinced written about articles on various topics from Small Business, Binding Machines and Divorce and Infidelity. James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information about getting a see http://www.quickie-divorce.com. James Walsh's top article generates over 368000 views. to your Favourites.