A happy and long term relationship can be very attainable, lasting well past the over-glorified honeymoon period. All that is needed is the willingness to work at it even when things get tough - because as with any partnership, there's no doubt that at some stage, things will definitely get tough.
A healthy relationship can be likened to a healthy body. We are all very aware that your body requires the essentials of proper feeding, consistent exercise and adequate rest, and these requirements can be applied equally to your relationship. It too needs constant reassurance, sufficient time together and, in my belief the absolute key - communication.
Communication is the element within a relationship that ensures that it is kept in good shape, much like exercise to your body.
A very common misconception is that communication needs words, and a rigid schedule that requires the parties to sit down and talk. If anything, sometimes these things could prove more of a downfall than a benefit to your relationship.
While its true that couples should find the time to talk regularly, communication extends to non-verbal, and in most cases, far more powerful attributes. One of the most powerful means of communication is, of course body language.
For example, it's pretty much of a certainty that if your partner has their arms crossed while you are talking to them, they are not at their most receptive. An obvious sign of discomfort or stress is to watch for when your partner's body reacts by stiffening and tensing when you bring up a particular topic.
Another example of non-verbal communication is taking note of how certain everyday, habitual tasks are being performed differently. Maybe he is spending more time with his mates, maybe she's spending more time at the hairdressers.
Hopefully you know your partner well enough that you feel you can interpret these different actions, and this should be the case if you have been together for awhile.
Sometimes these things can be perfectly innocent, but they could be a key that something is not quite right. And it may not be anything directly to do with your relationship, but it's a good thing to become aware of these situations, and perhaps show some sensitivity, compassion and understanding.
You can use these non-verbal cues in many ways, and you need to attempt to deduce what is happening within your relationship. Maybe your partner is reluctant to say something, but they really want to.
As can be seen with your body, where instant results don't come with a few exercise sessions, this same principle applies equally to your relationship.
Communication is the key. Although it doesn't mean that you will never have relationship problems, it definitely can help in fixing future problems.
Most techies don't call psychic hotlines, but it's obvious they still believe in ESP. They believe that the non-techies learn technical knowledge just by contacting a techie, even though the techie does not actually explain anything.
The techie thinks they just have to mumble something, and the non-techie of course understands it.
Because the techie themself understands what they mean to say.
What is that but a practicing belief (an unconscious assumption) in thought transferance?
That must explain why so many techies do not feel they have to explain technical problems and solutions to non-techies using mere spoken or written words.
It's as though you went to a doctor and after they checked you over, they mumbled some Latin and then expected you to understand that meant you had a viral infection, and what you should do about it.
It will greatly help your career if you do actually learn how to speak and write clearly -- in a way that the rest of us who don't have Computer Science degrees or MCSE certifications will understand.
I realize that we can be frustrating. Computers have gotten so cheap that some PC owners can barely read and write. They think they bought a magic box. Other users could pass the A+ exam themselves.
That makes it necessary for you to actually listen to the other person, gauge their level of understanding and word your questions and answers to their level.
If you don't nail it right away, you must decide whether you failed to fully communicate because you skipped over details you know so well you take them for granted and forget that that others don't know them, or you failed to get to the point.
That is, you use your increasing understanding of their level of thinking to modify the words you use to ask questions of them and then solve their problem.
I understand it's frustrating. But you know that if you want to query a database for some information, you must use the proper SQL commands in the proper format -- or you don't get an answer. If you want to add data to a database, there are standardized fields you must use -- or it won't accept the new records.
People are the same, just infinitely more complicated.
You want to learn something from them, ask in a way they will respond to. You want to tell them something, do it in a format they comprehend and respond to.
Both Sharron Nixon & Richard Stooker are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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