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[D662]Dr Phil Relationship Advice
by Fabricio Cruz, Fab

If you are single, dating, or trying to get to “I DO” and spend too much time hurting and not enough time loving this may be the most important love relationship advice you could ever receive. In a long term love relationship, you are either drifting apart or getting closer. There are two kinds of history in a long term love relationship.

Over the course of a long term love relationship there are times when the best thing to do is try it the other person's preferred way. Ironically dating that leads to a true love relationship is terrifying to the hidden part of us that's responsible for our safety and survival. One of the challenges faced by the couples whom I coach is what to do with this history when you are trying to change and improve the relationship.

This surprises many couples at first, but my goal is to begin to help them focus on the strengths and positives in the relationship before we get to the problem areas. In most situations, these characteristics begin to be problem areas in the relationship. No, I don't mean leaving the current relationship to begin a new one, which is often just a geographical change anyway.

My belief is if you take action on and use just one of these suggestions in the coming year, you just might like the “new” relationship you can create. c) If the conversation escalates into angry words, you can de-escalate by talking about how much the relationship, your mutual project or whatever you have in common is suffering. Along those lines, here are 3 things you can do on a regular basis to keep the connection alive in your relationship.

So if I am in a relationship with a person whose love language is seeing it, then I need to show her I love her through the things I do. Each person's love language is simply the way in which love is best communicated to him or her. Knowing that Bob's love language is through touch (feeling), I asked Mary to say the same words to him, only this time simply to put her hand on his arm while she said it.

If you don't deal with the essential issues that damaged the relationship, it's quite likely those same issues will pop up in the next relationship. However, being "supportive" of something we fundamentally disagree with, for months at a time, is a sure way to disrupt the emotional intimacy in the relationship. If you are going to make a long term relationship work, you have to go into with the notion that you are playing for keeps.

This is because in long term love relationships, you are given the heart of another person to hold in your hands. If you want to find the love of your life, you are going to have to go out to places and events where you can meet people. If you are single and dating, pay attention to the above words of advice if you want to find and stay with your soul mate.

=> Pay attention to the effect you have on those around you. This four-step process can help you to design consciously the kind of relationship you both want. Resentments are held - Old grudges, hurts and resentments are like a cancer in the relationship that eats away at the closeness of the couple.

Couples begin to take each other for granted - A close cousin to letting life get in the way, taking each other for granted slowly eats away at any connection a couple might feel. Celebrating memories bonds couples to each other and sustains and increases the emotional connection. Here are a few tips for celebrating the memories in your relationship.


What a long time for my wife to live with someone depressed! In the beginning, we didn't know any better. The critical sullenness that became more prevalent over the years was tempered with hope that the next job, or the next move, or even the next TV show would shake me out of it.

How I regret that she had to put up with my mood all those years!

What about your relationship? Is there hidden depression? Is it out in the open? Now is the time to face it. Let's not put it off any longer.

We're not talking here about situational depression, that some call a case of having the "blues." Situational depression comes, but then it goes. Right now we're talking about the real thing that hangs on and on. The person's mood is chronically low, self esteem suffers, and there is a pervasive negativity.

It may be "Major Depression" which is the big deal, or more likely, it may just be like mine: a chronic inability to take joy out of life, while otherwise being able to function just fine.

I always looked for distractions. Television was a common avoidance mechanism. Sugar was a payoff for feeling "low." Caffeine was the stimulant of choice. And, my relationship with my wife was more often a "should do" rather than a "want to" or a "get to."

What about you or your partner? Are there too many distractions? Are there things that get too much attention while your relationship suffers? Are there any addictions starting to show: alcohol, drugs, over-eating, over-working, or over-something?

There are many things that can cause some of these problems other than depression, but if you suspect depression, mild or severe, consider these things:

1. Talk it over with your doctor, minister, or counselor. You may need more than one opinion. Mild depression is so normal that some professionals will just dismiss it. It's fine to feel good about quick assurances, but it is also OK to seek a second opinion.

2. Increase your exercise routine as a couple. Exercise releases those feel good chemicals called endorphins and elevates mood. It's also a positive activity to do together that builds positive expectations for being together.

3. Increase your social activities as a couple (unless this is already one of those excessive things.) Depression normally leads to some degree of isolation. Being with people also elevates mood by producing those endorphins. (Hugs do, too, so hug a lot!)

4. If the doctor suggests anti-depressant medication, definately consider it. I first tried such medication around the age of 40. While my results were quite dramatic and out of the norm, it was as though I could see in color for the first time in my life! I suddenly knew what I'd been missing all those years, as well as, what my wife had been missing in me!

5. Buy an inexpensive copy of "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns, along with the companion workbook.

This "new" mood therapy isn't so new, since I've been recommending this book for the last 15 years, but it is still the most user-friendly cognitive therapy you can find for depression. It is simple to use, but still a sophisticated approach.

6. Encourage "positive anticipation." This means to look forward to things. We now know that this simple mental exercise causes the brain to secrete more dopamine, a neurotransmitter essential for a better mood.

This mechanism is what really changed my life two years ago. I learned that I can control my mood simply by looking forward to what is before me.

For instance, I might consciously look forward to the experience of writing this newsletter for you. I can enjoy the possibility that a percentage of readers willed be helped. I might anticipate my first client of the day and feel some level of joy that I get to see that person again. And, I will remind myself to look forward with positive expectancy to seeing my wife this evening.

All these conscious choices of "how to be" will add dopamine to my system and will make me feel very good.

Sometimes, just these simple steps will do what you need, but at times it is far more complex. That's why we have professionals to help us out. So, make use of them! I regret the 15 years of married life that could have been so much better if only I knew of the treatment options. I don't want you to have a similar experience!

Depression? Take care of it now. It is so possible to feel good again. I know.
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Both Fabricio Cruz & Steve Roberts are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Fabricio Cruz has sinced written about articles on various topics from Online Dating, Flirting Tips and Flirting Tips. Quieres ? Fabricio Cruz will show you how to attract the world's most beautiful women, regardless of age, looks or income! Check out his Spanish book at ht. Fabricio Cruz's top article generates over 49500 views. to your Favourites.

Steve Roberts has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marriage, Dating and Romance and Dating and Romance. Steve Roberts, "The Couples Guy," is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight and Wisdom for your Relationships at: www.WhatWorksForCouples.com. Steve Roberts's top article generates over 22200 views. to your Favourites.
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