The fact is that strong willed children need a different approach than the average child. Every child is individual and it is important to cater for these unique differences in some small way.
A great example is how I handle my daughter at bath time. I never say to her, "Becky, it's time for your bath" as I have learnt that this can instantly cause a power struggle. Not the fact that I want her to have a bath, but the fact that I want her to do something right now.
Instead I go for the option of giving her a choice in the matter. So I would say, "Rebekah, you need to have a bath. Would you like it now, or would you like it in ten minutes?" The answer is always "in ten minutes".
But the secret here is that you are happy with both outcomes. She feels like she is getting a choice in the matter and everyone is happy.
Often if I know that something is coming up soon, I will also give her warnings. Say we were at a friend's house and I wanted to leave, I would always give her warning. First I would tell her that she has ten minutes left to play. Then I would remind her at five minutes, again at three minutes and yet again at one minute. This way she can begin to wrap up her game ready to go home.
It is important not to enter into power struggles with oyur children so we as parents need to do whatever it takes to help our kids. Remember, the goal of parenting is to help our kids become happy, healthy and confident in the outside world. And if that means giving them choices then you should do it.
I'm not saying that I give my girl choices all the time. I use this method mainly when Becky is already in a non-compliant mood.
I also try not to give Becky many direct commands as this gives her opportunity to say "no". When I want her to do some dishes for me I might say to her, "I need a willing helper to do some dishes. Anyone want to volunteer?" This way my kids have an opportunity to willingly help rather than have it demanded of them. This works particularly well in my family as there are four kids and often they want ot be seen as the best volunteer.
Another tactic I sometimes use is to try to make Rebekah suggest what I want her to do anyway. An example would be if I wanted to go shopping with her at K Mart I might get out a catalogue and say out loud, "I wonder what is for sale at K Mart today?" It may sound like you are playing a game but you need to do whatever will get your child on your side and not feeling like you are against you all the time.
When you do have disagreements, the most important thing to do is to let your child know that you are listening to them. When they are unhappy they need to know that you understand why they are feeling the way they are, evben if you don't agree with their feelings.
These tips will pay great dividends with your strong willed child. Good luck!
What you hear, though, is that parents should prefer the faint heart, that is, the passive heart. It's promoted as the answer to their prayers.
Authors make fortunes with books bemoaning the problem of strong-willed children. They preach passive, all day, every day. Parents, they decree, need to break their children's will'or at least their willfulness.
Are these people kidding? Passive isn't wonderful. Passive is lumpy, as in "sit there like a lump." Passive hardly makes a dent in the world, let alone changes it. Passive sits by and lets life happen, whether for good or ill.
Passive is easy to ignore, easy to take advantage of and easy to exclude. If watching your child be mistaken for the wallpaper sounds good, work on the passivity level. If you like the idea of your children not speaking up when others take advantage of them, by all means, push passivity. Passive kids spend junior high crammed in their lockers, if that appeals to you.
The absolute fact is, a strong-willed child is exactly what we should want. Strong enough to fend off peer pressure. Strong enough to set good goals and work toward accomplishment. Strong enough to put off current, brief pleasures for better, long-lasting rewards.
A strong will creates a determination that grabs life by the throat and makes it happen. Channeled for good, it can make wonderful things happen.
Unchanneled, the optimism and good cheer that come from being born with the ability to make decisions can get lost. You could end up with a bully or a brat, which, while more likely with a frustrated, inadequately-parented, passive child, can happen.
Without committed parents, a strong-willed child can run amok and create all kinds of chaos. Raising these kids is bracing and a lot of fun, but it ain't easy.
The parents need to be grownups. They need to be parents who realize being a parent is different from being a buddy. Parents who accept the fact that raising kids means it's about the kids. Parents willing to do the right thing when it's not the easy thing. Parents whose lives set an example to follow. Parents who understand that strong-willed children usually don't ?fit in? all that well because they are, in fact, exceptional.
All kids, but especially strong-willed children, need to know they're loved ?just because.? It's not about performance, although self-control and good behavior are good. It's not about being better than others, which is a calculation for losers. In fact, it's not about a lot of things. It's about raising emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy children, confident that the strong will so many people fear will give them the gumption to face life with enthusiasm and courage.
Keeping up with'or even harder, staying ahead of?the strong-willed child takes determination, creativity and energy. And humor. Lots of humor. They'll put you on your knees, in prayer or exhaustion or both. Fortunately, the prize is worth the effort.
? Copyright 2007 by Bette Dowdell. All rights reserved.
Both Kim Patrick & Bette Dowdell are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Kim Patrick has sinced written about articles on various topics from Children, Family and Children. Kim Patrick is a single mum with four children, living on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. She is author of the book,