Fear of rejection is also another obstacle to making small talk. Remember that small talk in a conversation merely serves as a point to warm up to each other and get to know each other - the point is that you can get things going by talking about mundane and trivial topics, which is more acceptable than suffering from an even more awkward silence. Take a look at some of these tips for small talk conversation:
1. Try to make the other person feel comfortable.
Some people, no matter how successful they are at work or how confident they are with themselves, just seem to shrink at the thought of having to make small talk. They find the entire process uncomfortable, awkward, even pointless. However, if you stick to this way of thinking, you will have a pretty small world if you refuse to let others in, so to speak.
The key is to think that the other person may feel even more uncomfortable than you do - so if you will not make the first move to start the small talk, who will? Try to make the other person feel comfortable by starting off with a casual comment or question, or even greeting them with a simple 'Hi' or 'Hello'.
2. Find a general point of interest and start off from there.
Once you have made the first move and uttered the first word when making small talk - there is no turning back. You need to keep things going - at least for the next couple of minutes or so - before you can gracefully say your goodbyes and make a polite exit. So what do you talk about in the meantime? Think about the things that you yourself would like to share to a new friend and that is what you can ask the other person about. Work, family, where they live, and their hobbies or interests are some general points of discussion.
To keep the ball rolling, you can use follow up questions to show that you are really interested with what they have to say. Restaurants, movies, music, news, the weather, traffic, favorite tourist or vacation spots are other things that you can use as small talk topics of conversation. Once you find common points of interest, things will definitely take off from there.
3. Remember that small talk equates to casual and brief conversations.
Small talk can turn out to be a pleasant and gratifying experience. What you need to remember is that your conversation should be brief and casual without turning it unnecessarily into a long, drawn out and boring conversation that could even take an awkward turn. Listen intently, ask questions and go out of your way to make the other person feel as comfortable as possible.
If it is the other way around and you are the one who is being asked to join in a casual chitchat, do not turn out to let yourself dominate the conversation. Think of small talk conversation as a juggling act, where the ball does not need to stay too long in one hand and everybody should get to participate. Stop worrying about how big of a fool you may appear to be, instead focus on what the other person has to say.
You may even find out later on that you have the 'talent' of getting people to open up to you by engaging them in small talk. In no time at all, your insecurities about being rejected should you make the first move in a casual scenario will be all for nothing - because you may actually have the knack for making small talk conversation!
It can be a terrible ordeal for many of us. It seems to particularly strike when you are out on a date. The symptoms include: sweaty palms, forced laughter, awkward pauses, extended periods of uncomfortable silence and occasional desperate glances toward the nearest exit. It respects no person or title and has an incredible track record of ending relationships that otherwise would have blossomed. I am sure medical people have a term for it (they always do) but for the rest of us it is pretty basic. We are in trouble when it comes to making small talk.
Some people can be the life of the party with chit chat skills that rival Oprah. They seem to know what to say, when to say it and how. Is it gift? In a lot of ways the answer is yes but the ability to connect with people is not only for the chosen few.
You may not ever get your own daytime talk show but with a little practice and patience you can overcome any small talk obstacles in your dating relationship.
1. Develop Self Confidence
Without this one, it is extremely difficult to break thru the small talk barrier. It is not just a matter of speaking without being too self conscious; it also comes down to conveying the right body language. If your date sees that no matter how much you talk, you still look uncomfortable then the chances are pretty strong they will also feel uncomfortable.
Develop self confidence by engaging strangers in small talk. Whether you are in the grocery store checkout line or a crowded elevator, turn to the person next to you and start chatting. What do you talk about? Anything within reason and good taste; remember they are strangers. Talk about the weather, how slow the checkout line is moving, or ask people, "Is it Friday yet"? That one can be a major icebreaker to anyone who holds down a nine to five job.
2. Tone Down Your Self Consciousness
You can think about what you will say to your date and have it all worked out. Worked out that is until the self conscious police take over. How should I say it, what will it sound like, what will my date say,should I even say it? This is only the tip of the iceberg after the self conscious police get thru with you.
Part of having confidence and enjoying yourself on a date is the ability to think of someone other than yourself. If you want to do a personal evaluation save it until the date is over. And even then do not trash yourself. No one is perfect so critique gently and make the adjustments accordingly.
3. Stay Informed
This is an incredible dating tool. Keeping on top of news and current events is perfect for overcoming any small talk obstacles. Staying informed allows you to speak intelligently on a broad range of topics. Keep in mind however you are not doing this to show off so do not study current events like it is a college exam. The whole point is to engage your date so that both of you can feel more comfortable. Mentioning a news story you read may lead to an extended conversation where you can really get to know each other.
Again do not go overboard. Be observant to the words and body language of the other person. If the conversation is starting to drag, get a little too one sided or uncomfortably passionate then end it quickly. Try to have a few lines handy to segue into another subject or exit the current one politely.
There is no getting around dating small talk but it is also nothing to fear. Just practice your confidence, leave your self consciousness at the door and stay informed about news and currents events. Good small talk has the capability of putting your date at ease so they feel comfortable enough to share things about their life with you and vice versa.
Both Peter Murphy & are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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