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[T939]Tips For Giving Great Head
by James Delrojo, Jam
Here are seven tips for giving effective criticism that will generally achieve the outcome you want without harming your relationship with the person you are criticizing.

1. Potential Solution

Make it a rule to never criticize without offering a potential win-win solution. If the other person sees that you have thought about the situation and that your aim is to improve the outcome for all concerned then they are much more likely to accept the criticism and act on it.

2. Short And To The Point

Keep your criticism short and to the point and always start by pointing out what you ARE happy with before pointing out what you are NOT happy with. Precede the criticism by asking ?do you mind if I speak bluntly for a moment??

3. Talk In Terms Of Your Own Mistakes

It is a lot easier for a person to face up to their mistakes if you talk in terms of your own mistakes. By drawing a parallel between the current situation and one in which you made a mistake you are allowing the other person to realize that it is okay to make a mistake and that they can go past that mistake to achieve good results in the future.

4. Allow Others To See Their Own Mistakes For Themselves

The best form of criticism is to create a situation that allows the other person to see their own mistakes (before you need to directly criticize them). This is not always possible but with a little thought you will be able to do this a good percentage of the time. It also has the benefit that people generally learn better when they become aware through their own experience.

5. Allow The Other Person To Retain Their Dignity

Being criticized has the potential for being embarrassing. If a person becomes embarrassed they may react by arguing for there limitations rather than opening their mind to a better way of doing things.

Allow the other person to retain their dignity at all times throughout the criticism and, wherever possible, deliver the criticism in private.

6. Finish On A Positive Note

Always finish on a positive, inspiring point and maintain good rapport. Let the other person know that it's okay to make a mistake and that you have confidence in their ability to improve the situation.

7. The End Result

There should only ever be one reason for criticizing and that is to get a better end result than the result you are getting now.

Before you start criticizing make sure you know clearly what result you want. If you hold that desired result in mind and you apply the tips you have just learned you will find that most of the time you will get the result you seek and all concerned will be happy about it.

#1. LET YOUR HANDS READ THEIR BODY
As your fingers and palms move over their skin it's important to use your whole hand and let it follow their curves. Lighten your pressure as you go over boney areas and modify your hand or finger position as you move into smaller areas such as behind the neck or around the elbows.

#2. APPLY ENOUGH, BUT NOT TOO MUCH PRESSURE
As you go along, ask your partner to tell you if they want more or less pressure. Different areas of their body will require different amounts of pressure. For example, in the muscles of their back they will tend to want a firmer pressure and in their arms and legs, you might need/want to lighten up. Apply steady, secure pressure. You can also use your entire hand, not just your fingers or thumbs.

#3. OBSERVE YOUR PARTNER
Watch to see if your partner is tensing up their muscles under your pressure. If so, this means you are pushing too hard.

#4. USE THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF LOTION
Lubricant can be anything you have at home or you can buy sweet almond oil from the health food store. Any lotion or massage cream can also be used. Choose a lotion that will provide a nice glide across their body. If it is not oily enough, you will have to re-apply it more often which breaks the rhythm of your massage. (If they're hairy, you'll need to use more lotion!)

#5. THINK OF THESE 3 VARIABLES
Whenever you apply your strokes in a massage, keep in mind these three variables so you and your partner don't get bored. You can mix and match any combination of these:
1. Fast / Slow 2. Deep / Light 3. Short / Long
Keep in mind, each variable will have a different effect and produce different results and you should consider your partner's needs.

? Do you want to relax the recipient? Use long, slow light to moderately deep strokes.
? Do you want to get rid of tight ?knots?? Use fast, short, deeper pressure or find tight spots or ?knots? and press in and hold the pressure constant until you feel the knot release (or release when your thumb gets too tired!)

#6. KNOW WHEN TO USE LIGHT MASSAGE AND WHEN TO USE DEEP
Light Massage is often referred to as Swedish massage. It is used for people who want to relax, increase circulation and de-stress. It is also used on athletes who have just recently concluded an athletic activity because their muscles will be fatigued and possibly even have slight muscle tears due to the physical exertion that was extended. It is ok to massage someone immediately after an event and even after surgery, but be aware of their pain levels, inflammation, etc... (When in doubt, ask their doctor if it's ok for them to receive a massage)

Deep Tissue Massage (DTM) is often referred to as Sports massage is used with people who have knots, spasms, chronic contracture of their muscles, limited joint range of motion due to soft tissue shortening or muscular aches or pain. As long as there is no bruising or swelling it is appropriate for you to use deep pressure.
Deeper pressure should be used only if someone has had massage before and is familiar with a deep pressure. If your partner has tight areas, which they ask you to go deeper into, then it is probably ok to do so but ONLY to the point of a "good hurt". If they are tensing up against you, back off a little and see if they can relax into your pressure. The deeper you go ? the slower you need to go so it won't be uncomfortable for the recipient!
When in doubt, don't go deep and just focus on creating a relaxing, nurturing massage. After some practice, when you feel confident to do so, you can apply deeper pressure, but in the beginning just use light pressure!
I recommend you always keep in mind that the amount of pressure you apply should elicit a feeling of contentment, not pain. If the recipient feels it is too painful, it actually defeats your intent to relax the tissue. Remember, deeper is not always better! At Diamond Wellness Center we use a 0 -10 pain/discomfort scale and believe deep tissue massage should be at about a 7 or 8 on this 0 ? 10 pain scale. (9 or 10 is too much!)

Remember ? You really Can't Mess Up!
Just tune in to your partner ?
Everything will be great!

#7. MASSAGE THEIR BACK
(I always suggest you start massaging the back since this is where most people carry their tension. The sooner you can get them to feel better and relax the better and the easier your job will be!)
Stand or sit at the top of their head facing their feet.
To apply the lotion to their back you can rub anyway you want. Then:
? Place both hands on their back with one hand on either side of their spine and start at shoulders and slowly glide down to their hips. (If you're a short person glide as far down as you can reach.)
? Once down at their hips let your hands go out to the side and pull up along their sides to their arms and then slide out over their shoulders and up their neck.
? Repeat this 4-5 times.
? Start at their shoulders on one side of their spine and with both of your thumbs make small circles working your way down to their hips. Repeat this 4-5 times.
? Repeat other side 4-5 times.
? Repeat number one and two again

#8. MASSAGE THEIR FEET
Stand or sit at the bottom facing their feet. Do everything to one foot and then switch to the other foot?Have them lie either face up or down.
Most people will actually want deeper pressure on their feet than you might think, so be sure to check in with them and ask if they want more or less pressure. (You need very little lotion on feet)
? Lots of squeezes to heel
? Press 5-6 times into instep
? Press 5-6 times along ?balls? of foot
? Rub anklebone 5-6 times with both hands around the big anklebones in a circular motion
? Squeeze toes starting at base and gradually work your way out to ends.
? With both hands start on one lower leg and reach up and surround hands around calf and holding tight, gently pull all the way to the tips of the toes.

#9. MASSAGE THEIR NECK
(Face Up) You stand or sit at the top of their head facing them.
? Gently pull all their hair out of the way and up towards you
? As you move their head around ? do it very slowly and smoothly.
? Make two fists and alternating hands apply gentle presses using the flat parts of your fingers into the tops of their shoulders. (The pressure you apply should cause their head to slowly roll from side to side)
? Gently hold the base of their head and pull VERY SLOWLY towards you. This creates a gentle traction down their neck and even into their back.
? Slowly massage with both hands at the same time on either side of their neck and shoulders in a kneading motion.
? Gently pull head over to one side and with your thumb or fingers start at the base of neck and gradually work towards their head using small circular motions. (Always press along the BACK of their neck, not on the sides or front of neck to avoid nerves and arteries)
? With hands facing up, cup their neck and with one hand start at the base of neck and gently pull towards head, then use other hand and continue to alternate 5-6 times.
? You can finish by doing some gentle, slow stretches for their neck and shoulders.


Again, it is important to note that as long as you are not inflicting pain ? they will love you for your efforts and it really is a lot of fun once you get the hang of it!

#10. AMBIANCE & ENVIRONMENT
Table:
Set up the room with either a massage table (if you have one) or an area where your partner can lie comfortably. Have a blanket to cover them to keep them warm and only expose the area you are massaging.
The room should be warm, with soft lights and relaxing music. Some people like to use candles for a nice effect and even aromatherapy such as incense or scented candles or lotion.
Supplies:
You can do your massage on the bed or floor, but of course the right tools make it easier on your own body and provides a better experience for your partner.
Lotions ? You can use any lotion or oil you like, scented or not. We prefer a lotion with a nice ?glide? so it is not too slippery but you also don't want to keep re-applying cream every few minutes. (Quick tip: Put the cap back on each time so it doesn't spill!)

More Insider Secrets To Giving The BEST Massage:
1. Start with the recipient face down. If you are not using a massage table with a face cradle, have them turn their head to one side so they can breathe.
2. Use as many pillows as needed to assure they are comfortable!
3. Start slow and move your hands less than you think, don't rush through it.


5 Things NEVER to DO:
1) Don't pull their hair by accident with your hands or arms
2) Don't have your breath exhale directly onto them
3) Don't ?crunch? their ears as you are holding their head.
3) NEVER press directly on BONE! (Only press on soft tissue of the muscles.)
4) Don't press so hard person tenses up!
5) Don't press into the side or front of their neck. (only massage the back of their neck) Or any other vulnerable areas.

For more complete details on learning how to give a great massage go to our website.

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About Author
Both James Delrojo & Irene Diamond, R.t. are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

James Delrojo has sinced written about articles on various topics from Outsourcing, Self Improvement and Motivation and Health. James Delrojo would like to help you by giving you hisebook "Unleash the Success Power of Your Mind" (valued at $27)completely FREE. Go to
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