What is it that makes it possible for these people to heal their depression? The following actions to avoid, and steps to take, are essential to the resolution of depression for domestic abuse survivors.
1) Stop Negative self-talk
Even though you might be accustomed to hearing how you can't, you won't, you don't, you aren't, there is no need for you to pick up where s/he left off. Doing so only sustains the battering. Only difference is it's from the inside out.
2) Un-shoulder responsibility for battering
Un-shoulder any remnants of your shouldering responsibility for the abuse. Battering is fully owned, operated and controlled by the perpetrator and no one else. Your willingness to shoulder the responsibility for the abuse is part of what keeps the abuse dynamic going. Let it go! It's not yours.
3) Avoid self-deprivation
Self-deprivation may have been the norm in your former kingdom and that's where it must remain. One may be accustom to being consumed by, and preoccupied with, taking care of the needs of the "other" (a demanding perpetrator), rather than recognizing and caring for oneself. This keeps you in the "I am abused position." Instead, it is time to know, honor and nourish yourself in every way, shape and form that is physically possible for you.
4) Cultivate Self-compassion
When the blow hurts and the pain aches, embrace it. Running from it prevents it from resolving itself. Exercise self-compassion. Be with yourself just as you would be with a small child who is wounded in a playground.
5) Find and rekindle that which you love...that comes from within
"That comes from within" is the key to this one. Now this may be the hard one because so much time has been spent on not recognizing anything is within. It is of utmost importance that you find that which you love...that comes from within, and make this your primary focus. As you focus on it, it will expand. You know what you focus on expands. That which we bring energy to brings more of it onto us.
Bonus Tip: Focus on what you have; not what you don't have.
You've been inundated with the message that you aren't enough...you're amiss in this, that and the other. Over time you develop the habit of seeing yourself as the half-empty cup. Shift your perspective and see yourself as the half-full cup. With this your cup will fill with more of what is right with you.
If you do all of these things, your depression will lift. And under that you will discover the goodness that you are, the happiness you can be and your love of life again.
Battered women also come in all shapes and sizes. And I'm convinced that what they choose to do with their circumstances, after the fact, is far more important to the bigger picture of their lives than anything else.
Here are some things that will increase your well-being after an abusive relationship.
1) Keep yourself in a place of pure positive energy
Certain things we do and think elevate our feelings, our energy state. That is the state at which we vibrate. Please now take a deep cleansing breath and come with me out of the boxing ring of the social legal crime back to your mind, body and soul. Find those activities that elevate your mood and make them a routine activity.
2) Do what you love and the money will follow
While it is true that the financial issues of leaving an abusive relationship are often overwhelming, they're not insurmountable. Do what is necessary to keep you and your children, (if they are in the picture) comfortable with the basic life essentials. And with whatever time and energy you have left, do what you love. The more you do it, the more time you will have to do it. Over time, "the what you love" can become your primary source of sustenance.
3) Let inner peace be your top priority
If inner peace is your primary priority, then your battles are ultimately over. Why? It takes two to tango. And if you have chosen peace, there is less war. Now don't take this to mean that you'll never be attacked or assaulted by another, as you don't control that. More importantly, I bring your attention to two points: a) you have a choice and b) peace can be yours.
4) Choose to be calm and centered over being right
My comment above, leads right to this one. It's not about being "right"...it's about maintaining your inner "rightness." Let's face it, you didn't like it when your whole life was about his/her being right and you being on the other end of that, did you? So rather than change sides simply because you may be able to, or think you "should" (as you have learned that is how those in power do it), choose to be calm and centered over being right.
5) Know that whatever has happened in your life, happened to serve you and those you serve
There are truly no coincidences. Rather than holding on to the misfortune of "it," look to the possibilities remaining. As you do, you will see how that which happened to you serves you—in spite of its inherent sacrifices—and ultimately can be put to the benefit of serving others. If you know of my story, you know I'm living proof of this.
6) Make peace with the universe
When we are battered we become conditioned to believe that we are easily taken advantage of, or people simply take advantage of you. Not so! The larger fabric of life is inter-universal-support. Let this become the wallpaper of yours.
7) Indulge in that which gives you a natural high
I think if you do this, all the other things mentioned will find you. And from here, you will increase your well-being following an abusive relationship.
Dr Jeanne King Phd has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity, Legal Matters and Writing. For more domestic violence healing tips and insights, visit and claim y. Dr Jeanne King Phd's top article generates over 6600 views. to your Favourites.