If we have been a partner in the process of change, if we have been attuned enough to have caught a whiff of the winds of change even before it arrives, if we have been dreaming and planning and making ourselves ready, and if we are aligned with the Tao that is moving within the seemingly chaotic wind that change comes on, the beauty in that change is ours for the beholding. We are not blindsided, we are a co-creator with a front-row seat.
To make matters better, as an insider, we know when to hold still, and when to move. When to take cover, and when it is safe to come out again. We are not lost and tossed about when the storms inevitably come by. We are intuitively strategic, gleaning the very best moments that arise while others who had expected only sunshine are running in circles, damp with fear.
But How?
Most of the time, we see ourselves as fixed. My name is Robin. I am a writer. I live in Annapolis, Maryland. I drive a gold Saturn four-door. I live with my partner Brian. My mother and father in-law are good friends. I eat mostly organic food. I can't run anymore due to bad knees. This is my life.
This is what the folks in the Harry Potter books would call the Muggle view of life. Yet we are not fixed. Like Harry, there is more to us. More than even we know. And when we take on the role of mother/artist in relationship to the changes that move around and through us?especially the ones that seem forced upon us from an outside event?that ?more? is our god-send.
Doing The Two-Step
So, the first step in this new dance is to accept that we must become more than we thought we were, which includes letting go of more than we thought we could as well as offering more than we thought we had. In doing so, we draw on the inherent magic within for the creation of our true intentions to come forth. We step out of the role of victim, and determine ourselves to play with whatever materials we are presented with. With such an attitude, we can replicate the Taj Mahal with soda caps and Popsicle sticks.
Then comes the even more courageous step two. If you are going to find the beauty in being a creator in this life, and the mother of anything, you must accept that not only will you die, but what you create will die as well. (All of it will be reborn of course. That is just another layer in the larger creative chaos-to-harmony and harmony-to-chaos merry-go-round that is our existence.) The flower, the child, the businesses, the books, the marriages (even the ones that last until death), the name you carry, the car you drive?all of it is going to go.
Even That Miraculous Something More
Yes, even that which creates the ?more? in you will move in and out of your direct experience. That is the nature of the creative beast, and you can be assured you've done nothing wrong when this happens. As the saying goes, sometimes you are the windshield, sometimes you are the bug.
Yet with death held respectfully in one hand, we have immediate access to how precious and beautiful all of life is. What is changing will never be again'so our only option is to enjoy it in all its stages. If the finished product is ultimately dust in the wind, then the process becomes what makes up our moments, our days, our months and our years.
Change happens unceasingly around us and we are called upon constantly to adapt and grow, or wither. Carl Rogers believed that all living organisms have a tendency toward growth, and that as people we strive to actualize our inherent potential.
Then what makes change so challenging? A situation that frequently comes up in coaching is the client who feels he truly wants to change but is baffled by his inability to do all the action steps that he has agreed to do. He started with the best of intentions ? what's going on?
Think for a moment about a successful change that you have made. For example, if you are in recovery from an addiction you know that the change didn't happen all at once. It probably took quite a while to work through the denial, the attempts to control, the realization that something had to be done but not knowing exactly what, the knowledge that you weren't sure you really wanted to stop, the decision to stop, the actual stopping, and the integration of new habits and behaviors.
Other changes, too, unfold through a series of steps. Psychologist James Prochaska and his colleagues studied people who made successful changes and identified these stages:
? Precontemplation ? the person denies having a problem and has no intention of changing their behavior. They might be demoralized and resist talking about their problem because there doesn't seem to be a solution.
? Contemplation ? ?I want to stop feeling so stuck.? The person acknowledges their problem and struggles to understand the causes and wonder about solutions. They may be far from making a commitment to action, however.
? Preparation ? the person is planning to take action within the next month. They are making final adjustments, and have made their intention to change public. They may have instituted a small number of changes already, but they have not necessarily resolved their ambivalence.
? Action ? this is the most obviously busy period. The changes are more visible to others and receive the most recognition.
? Maintenance ? change never ends with action. This is the period where the changes are incorporated and the time to be alert to the risk of relapse.
? Termination ? the former problem no longer presents a temptation or threat, and the cycle of change is exited. (We know in the case of some changes, like addiction, that there is no ?cure? however.)
You can be at different stages with different issues in your life. Also, the stages are not linear; you can ? and probably will - spiral back to previous stages, such as contemplation and preparation, before you are actually able to proceed with effective change.
This is what is so important to realize: spiraling back to previous stages and being ambivalent are all part of change. This does not constitute failure.
So what does that client, whom I mentioned above, need to do?
1. Suspend judgment. It's important that he recognize the stages of change so that he doesn't judge himself a failure. This is not the time for self-criticism.
2. Recognize what he has already accomplished. Behaviors ?travel in packs? and nourish each other. He might be altering other behaviors or attitudes that will have an influence on the main thing he wants to change.
3. Not give up. It's good for him to sit with those feelings of ambivalence instead of running away from them because they're uncomfortable. Being present with the ambivalent feelings is a step toward change, while putting off change isn't.
A lot of coaching happens in the contemplation and preparation stages. Just because someone has hired a coach does not mean they will be able to immediately take all their desired action steps. But even people who are not ready to act can set the change process in motion.
Think about something you have been meaning to change, or are actually trying to change right now. What stage are you in?
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Both Robin Rice & Martha Ruske are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Robin Rice has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marriage, Writing. Robin Rice is a visionary leader and social change artist. She writes transformational fiction, offering two books online for free, and one novel that is published in three languages. She creates spoken word meditation CD's and has a private shamanic heal. Robin Rice's top article generates over 2900 views. to your Favourites.
Martha Ruske has sinced written about articles on various topics from Disease & illness, Nutrition and Home Improvement. Martha Ruske is a marriage and family therapist in California. She currently works with people in long-term recovery from alcoholism, helping them step out into the fuller life they deserve. Find out about the benefits of recovery life coaching and get. Martha Ruske's top article generates over 60500 views. to your Favourites.