[O52]Office Space People Skills

We have all had the experience of feeling an instant connection or bond with someone after just a few seconds of being in their presence. This is the Law of Connectivity. We have probably all met someone whom we instantly did not like and did not want to be around. This is caused by a lack of connectivity and usually takes only a few seconds to manifest itself. The Law of Connectivity states that the more we feel connected to, part of, liked by, or attracted to someone, the more persuasive they become. When you create an instant bond or connection, people feel comfortable around you. They will feel like they have known you for a long time and that they can easily relate to you. When we feel connected with someone, we feel comfortable and understood; they can relate to us and a sense of trust ensues.

There are four main factors in connectivity: attraction, similarity, people skills, and rapport. Let's talk about people skills. However, before proceeding, it is important to note that really connecting with others requires an attitude of sincerity, a lot of practice, and a true interest in the other person. Whatever you do, don't take your relationships with people for granted.

The ability to work well with people tops the list for common skills and habits of highly successful people. Studies show that as much as 85 percent of your success in life depends on your people skills and the ability to get others to like you. In fact, the Carnegie Institute of Technology found that only 15 percent of employment and management success is due to technical training or intelligence, while the other 85 percent is due to personality factors, or the ability to deal with people successfully. A Harvard University study also found that for every person who lost his job for failure to do work, two people lost their jobs for failure to deal successfully with people.

In this era where technology is taking over our lives, it is tempting to think that personality and the ability to deal with people are not important qualities. On the contrary, we crave personal interaction now more than ever. People still want to get to know you and like you before the doors of persuasion and influence are unlocked. We most often prefer to say yes to the requests of people we know and like.

Goodwill in persuasive practice comes courtesy of Dale Carnegie, one of the "greats" in terms of understanding human nature. He told us that by becoming interested in other people, you will get them to like you faster than if you spent all day trying to get them interested in you. Having goodwill entails appearing friendly or concerned with the other person's best interest. Aristotle said, "We consider as friends those who wish good things for us and who are pained when bad things happen to us."

This caring and kindness means being sensitive and thoughtful. It means acting with consideration, politeness, civility, and genuine concern to those around us. It is the foundation for all interactions and creates a mood of reciprocity. You will win hearts and loyalty through compassion.

You invoke goodwill by focusing on positives. Don't be harsh or forceful when dealing in areas where the other person is sensitive or vulnerable. Additionally, make statements and perform actions that show that you have the audience's best interest in mind.

Network marketing companies rely on the effects of people skills. Marketing techniques are arranged in such a way so as to capitalize on the fact that people are drawn to buy products from people they know and with whom they are friends. In this way, the attraction, warmth, security, and obligation of friendship are brought to bear on the sales setting. For example, at Tupperware home parties, the strength of the social bond is twice as likely to dictate whether or not someone will buy a product as is the preference for the product itself.

People skills are crucial because they have a huge impact on our success. First impressions are made within only four minutes of initial interaction with a stranger, so we don't have time to not have good people skills.

One of the quickest ways to form an immediate bond with people is by using and remembering their names. How can you effectively remember a name? When someone tells you her name, clarify the pronunciation, clarify the spelling, relate the name to something, and use it again quickly--before you forget. Research shows that if you use a person's first name at the beginning and end of a sentence, your chance of persuasion increases. It's a simple technique that is easy to implement and which creates an instant bond.

Humor can be a powerful tool of persuasion. Humor makes the persuader seem more friendly and accepting. Humor can gain you attention, help you create rapport, and make your message more memorable. It can relieve tension, enhance relationships, and motivate people. The actor John Cleese once said, "If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth."

Humor can also distract your audience from negative arguments or grab their attention if they are not listening. Herbert Gardner said, "Once you've got people laughing, they're listening and you can tell them almost anything." Humor may divert attention away from the negative context of a message, thereby interfering with the ability of listeners to carefully scrutinize it or engage in arguing. If listeners are laughing at the jokes, they may pay less attention to the content of a message. Humor can "soften up" or disarm listeners.

Humor must be used cautiously, however. If used inappropriately, it can be offensive and may cause your audience to turn against you. Humor should only be used as a pleasant but moderate distraction. As a rule of thumb, if you are generally not good at telling jokes, don't attempt it when you are in a persuasion situation. Be sure that you have good material. Non-funny humor is not only ineffective; it's also irritating. Modify your humor so that it is appropriate for your audience.

The safest way to increase people skills is to give away smiles. A smile is free, generates a great first impression, and shows happiness, acceptance, and confidence. Your smile shows that you are pleased to be where you are, meeting this person. As a result, he in turn becomes more interested in meeting you. Smiling also conveys a feeling of acceptance, which makes your listener more trusting of you. It has been shown that sales representatives who smiled during the sales process increased their success rate by 20 percent.

In order for your audience to take your message seriously, they have to have some level of respect for you. The more they respect you, the more successful you will be. Building respect often takes time, but there are things you can do to facilitate it. You need to show gratitude--be thankful of others and for what they do for you. Never criticize others or talk about your problems. People want to talk about two things: themselves and their problems. If you listen when people tell you their problems, they will think you are wise and understanding. Remember, how someone feels about you is often influenced by how you make him feel about themselves.

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