In the previous section we began loking at a journal written by hary, an Alzheimer's family caregiver. The journal illustrated the connection between what we think and how our thoughts make us feel.
There's another very important point from Harry's journal. That is the fact that our thoughts trigger our emotions. When our thoughts are more sensible, we tend to have more moderate feelings. On the other hand, when our thoughts are more extreme we become more severely distressed and upset. And we lose focus and energy.
Don't believe it? Try this experiment. Take some sheets of paper, and begin to keep a journal of your thoughts. Use this outline:
Thinking/Feeling Diary
Each time you have an emotional flareup or a situation worth investigating, start by filling out the following:
"What am I feeling?" "What is going on?" "What are my thoughts?"
Each time you feel an especially positive emotion, write it in your journal. Then, write down what is going on around you-what actually happened? Then, write down all the thoughts, ideas, images, self-talk, and so on that you are having. Do not worry about making the journal look perfect, just note down as many of your thoughts as you can.
Now, each time you feel an especially negative emotion, do the same exercise. Track your thoughts. Before long, you can begin to notice for yourself the very close relationship there is between how you feel and what you think. You can become more aware of how the way you think influences the way you feel. This awareness can be an extremely powerful tool, as we shall see soon.
Here is an example from someone else's journal:
"What am I feeling? " Contentment
"What is going on?" Good morning with my dad
"What are my thoughts?" I can enjoy this time. Seize the moment!
This example illustrates the relationship between sensible thinking and moderate emotions. The next example illustrates how extreme thinking can trigger emotional distress:
"What am I feeling?" Anxious and upset
"What is going on?" Dad is repeating himself again
"What are my thoughts?" Will this ever stop'I can't stand this! It's excruciating!
This is a very important idea to bear in mind, so it's worth repeating. The fact is that the more sensibly we think about things, the more in control we feel- and the more strength and power we will have to deal with life's stresses and demands.
On the other hand, when we have extreme thinking, we feel worse and we have less control. This is especially important when you think about Alzheimer's disease.
Why?
Alzheimer's disease puts many extraordinary and continuous demands upon even the strongest of caregivers. The disease progresses, and as it progresses, the person with Alzheimer's needs more and more structure and help. The stresses and demands on the caregiver increase.
How will extreme thinking affect a caregiver's energy? If the best caregiver in the world tortures him/herself with extreme thinking about these very real stresses, he/she will only end up feeling weaker and worse. It's kind of like being punished again and again for the same thing. Another way of looking at it is that extreme thinking can make you put $5,000 worth of pain into a $500 problem.
Why is this concept so important? Because it gives us the power to change what we can change. In this case, we can change how we think about things. We can't change many of the realities of Alzheimer's disease. But if we can learn to think more sensibly, we can reduce our distressed reactions, and increase our personal power in order to be the best caregivers we can.
We can change our thinking and that can change how we feel-and that changes our power.
You can learn more about rational versus irrational thinking by reading the works of Albert Ellis, Ph.D.
Our Divided Minds
This is the second excerpt from the book "Strength in Caring: Giving Power Back to the Alzheimer's Caregiver." It shows how our thoughts influence our feelings, and how extreme thinking can actually increase a caregiver's stress level. This article is inspired by the work of Albert Ellis, Ph.D.
Harry is a caregiver. He takes care of his wife Alice, who has been recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Harry is beginning to feel some emotional ups and downs as he takes care of Alice. He notices that there are times when he is doing very well with helping Alice and he feels OK-like he is going with the flow. And then there are other times?
At those other times, Harry feels tense, under pressure, tired. His fuse is shorter: things that normally wouldn't bother him just seem to get under his skin. His emotions seem to be on a roller coaster, which he cannot control.
So, there are times when Harry feels more or less on top of things, and then there are other times when he feels that things are more or less on top of him. What accounts for the difference?
Harry keeps a journal. In it, he writes down his thoughts and his feelings. When he looks it over, he realizes some interesting things. He notices that he has a great many thoughts going on all the time. He also notices that sometimes he is thinking more sensibly, and those are the times when he is doing his best as a caregiver. His thoughts make sense, even when things around him are stressful. At those times, he notices that he is thinking thoughts such as:
? "Things can be more difficult now. I know that I can deal with them one at a time, and take advantage of breaks."
? "There are times when Alice will be confused. These are challenges, but they aren't impossible to handle."
? "It is very sad to see some of the changes in Alice, but I can deal with them."
? ?I sure don't like what is going on, but I can make the best of the situation.?
? ?How can I best enjoy my time with Alice??
At these times, he reports that he feels reasonably sad and stressed, but that he is able to cope and find some comfort. This makes it easier as well to help Alice. His feelings are not overwhelming him. He feels more in control. Things seem difficult, but not impossible, and he is able to notice some of the good things that are happening. He feels stronger and more flexible.
At other times, Harry notices that his thoughts are more extreme. They can be very strong and insistent. But they don't quite add up. They don't make sense, when Harry actually thinks about them. We can call them extreme thoughts: they seem more exaggerated, demanding, and irrational. These thoughts can come on very quickly and powerfully. Some of Harry's extreme thoughts are:
? "This will be terrible, horrible, miserable,"
? "This is horribly unfair, and I cannot stand it,"
? "What did I do to deserve this?"
? ?I am a failure because I can't do everything possible for Alice.?
At these times, Harry notices that he's feeling much worse-even overwhelmed- and that it is much harder to cope with his own distress or to help Alice effectively-or even at all. He feels like he is trying to swim upstream with his hands tied.
As Harry pays more attention to what he is thinking, he is beginning to notice a very important thing-he is learning that his thoughts affect how he feels. When he thinks more extreme thoughts, he feels much more distressed, upset, and less in control. When he thinks more sensibly, he feels calmer, stronger and more in control.
Conclusion: our minds are busy and filled with all kinds of thoughts. Some make sense, others do not, and some are in between- and these are just the ones that we are aware of. And, as you will see, this can effect how we feel under stress.
Mark Matloff has sinced written about articles on various topics from Health Care. With more than 28 years of professional experience as a psychologist, consultant, adjunct professor, and coach, Mark Matloff, Ph.D. brings his skills and passion to helping people and agencies improve and thrive. Since his graduate research in gerontolog. Mark Matloff's top article generates over 720 views. to your Favourites.