Understanding “Winning" Child Custody when you are a divorced dad requires a new way of looking at what “Winning" really means. For example, let's say that you went to family court, spent $50,000.00 and won custody of your kids. You think "Ahhh, I've won."
What if Mom drags you back into family court eight months later because she doesn’t like how you’re parenting? You've technically got custody of your kids, but what is that custody actually worth? Who is going to make the decision about your kids?
The judge. In effect the judge, on behalf of the government, has custody of your kids. Why is this good news for you? Even though that the majority of custody orders favor moms and designate "sole custody", the important thing to remember is that her custody in itself is an illusion.
This means that the fight for custody is also an illusion.
Say it out loud: "Custody is an illusion." Just keep repeating that phrase to yourself until understanding starts to sink in.
Use Mom's desire to gain custody as a negotiating chip to get time with your child. When she is faced with getting what she wants for little cost versus having to spend a lot of money, she will likely opt for giving you what you want: TIME with your kids.
Make sure to connect time with your kids to how it benefits the kids. Don't look at it as away to reduce child support. Get time with your kids and get that established. Pay the child support. Once that’s established, you can take a look at child support arrangements. If you fight over money, it becomes the main issue. They’ll claim that the only reason you want more time is so you can spend less on child support.
The best counter to that argument is: "By your logic, the only reason you want your kids so much is so you can use them to get that child support..." When you go back to court, you must litigate over the right issues. Be a peace maker, not a trouble maker...
BE FOCUSED: Your issue is you want time and influence with your child and it is fully possible to get that without having a custody order.
In many places custody only means the right to make: a)Religious Decisions b)Medical Decisions c)Educational Decisions d)Legal Decisions
For medical, legal and educational decisions, if there is a strong disagreement, the family court judge decides. However, a judge will generally allow both parents to participate in their religion. They will not listen to any objections because, after all, the parents knew or reasonably should have known this might have been a bone of contention when they picked each others as parenting partners.
Most times going back to Family Court is either about child support, alimony, more access time or enforcement of access time. Most divorced dads confuse custody with access or time. Recognize that having custody does not end your problems with parenting time, it only trades one set of difficulties for another.
During my divorce, I wished for a divorce roadmap. That’s why we created a weekly telewebcast, to help men like yourself.
If you've lost in Family Court, don't give up. There is always hope. You've likely lost because you didn’t understand that winning requires effectively "waging peace" for your children.
If you base your game plan and strategies upon those of successful fathers, you will improve your chances of success immeasurably. You need help from dads who have done what you are trying to do.
Child Visitation – 4 Quick Tips on Improving Your Court Papers There are few events in life that challenge a person’s nerves more than wrestling on your child's behalf for the legal right just to parent them. If you were there when your child was born and felt the connection and bond running through you, you nurtured that bond through their infancy and now find those feelings, you feel to be a sacred trust, challenged by the other parent. You must understand how critical it is to get this right. The biggest problem you face in a high conflict child custody battle is that your foe probably knows you better than anyone else. At one time you divulged your largest hopes, dreams and fears in this person and now that trust is not only shattered, that insight is being used against you in the most painful and harmful way imaginable. It is being used to keep you away from your child. The purpose I mention the obvious is that the total lack of trust you experiance now will make you uber cautious when it comes time to submitting your court documents. You will be tempted to cut back on what you are requesting and resistant to provide documentation to show your position. Who would fault you after the total and full violation of your trust that you have just had with the other parent. In fact, your hope is that you can catch them off balance and show them to the world for the extremly evil person they are. You hope to make them squirm and worry which of the things you know about them that you will spring on them in court. You have a grandiose vision of making it look like some TV scene. Well, get hold of yourself. This isn’t TV or a movie. Two important pieces to keep in mind are: 1.Time is most important to the judge. They are going to see many cases not just yours. 2.The judge will go over your case before they go to court and therefore be versed on what you are asking for and why. If you planned on springing something the two reasons above should stop you. Now that I’ve shown you what you can’t do, let me tell you the 4 fast tips for submitting you can do. 1.Make advantage of the fact that the judge will view your filing before they listen to the case. Put in the details you need to judge to see. 2.Include any evidence you have to support your motion. (don’t worry that they will not be surprised) 3.Deliver your motion with plenty of time for the ex to respond. This is important for numerous reasons including keeping your legal motion valid. 4.When you receive the response to your case be prepared to reply one more time with any follow-up information that the judge wants to know. This is your final chance to submit what you need the judge to know and it will be much too late for another response.
Both Danny Guspie & E Brooks are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Danny Guspie has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity, Debts Loans and Divorce and Infidelity. We can help you learn the successful strategies of fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls at where we will do our. Danny Guspie's top article generates over 8100 views. to your Favourites.
E Brooks has sinced written about articles on various topics from Child Custody, Divorce and Infidelity and Child Custody. Ed Brooks has personal experience in how rocky "High Conflict" child custody fights can be. How devastating untruthful allegations can be and the emotional expense they can take on both parent and children. He has created a place where people can go to sh. E Brooks's top article generates over 1600 views. to your Favourites.