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[N345]Nonverbal Communication Eye Contact

by D Abbondanza, D A

I observed something that I had seen before, without giving it much attention, but I now think it deserves some discussion. It has to do with making eye contact.

What I witnessed was a would-be MACK clumsily trying to get women to notice him, by first making eye contact with them, and then acting as though his repeated Xraying them with his eyes would be a certain babe magnet.

While eye contact is an important part of flirting, this guy obviously didn't know the first thing about it and probably less about women and what they consider attractive.

The proper use of your eyes can improve your chances of meeting women. We have to understand why this is true before taking advantage of it.

Proper use of eye contact can help you quickly and easily identify interested and available females, and also tell them that you are interested in knowing them better.

Guys that are good at making and interpreting eye contact signals have almost no risk of being publicly rejected, embarrassed, humiliated, or ridiculed.

Proper eye contact technique is like a handshake between strangers. It serves as an introduction and an opportunity for more interactions, if BOTH parties desire it.

This is why you can use eye contact to instantly screen out women that are not interested or just not interested in you specifically, at that moment.

If they fail to respond to your eye contact in a positive way, it is probably for one of the following reasons:

1)They are already in a relationship with someone and don't want any complications with other men. These types will almost always refuse to let you make eye contact with them in flirtatious fashion no matter what you do.

2)After noticing you, possibly even when you first entered the area, they had already made a decision about you and they are not interested. Like those in committed relationships, these women will both look away quickly and never again let you make eye contact with them, or refuse to let you make eye contact with them to begin with.

If you persist in staring in either of these circumstances you risk her thinking of you as a pervert or stalker and she may start sharing these thoughts with others. Move on!

Women control not only who they go out with, but also who they will lock eyes with.

I won't even suggest trying to use one of the MACKnificent Strategies on either of the above. The Strategies are designed to distinguish you with women that are available and interested in meeting unique, interesting men.

So, what is good eye contact technique?

First of all, don't make a woman feel as though you are trying to burn a hole in her with your X-ray vision. Staring is creepy and you will scare her off, even if she was initially interested.

Second, make sure you have a slight smile on your face when you make eye contact. A big smile, while conveying a sense of openness, does not send a message of quiet confidence or a calm, collected friendliness. The later is much more attractive to women.

Finally, have a plan. I'll say that again. Have a plan! Don't assume that because you have made proper eye contact and that she has responded positively that things will automatically fall into place.

It is still up to you to move things to the next level.

You should already have in mind how you will advance things along when you get to this point and you should have it rehearsed in your mind.

Not only should you have played it out in your mind but you should have contingency plans as well. She doesn't have the script so it probably won't go exactly as planned. Will you be ready for this?

The conversational approach, a modern refinement of the humanist style first made popular in western cultures by president John F. Kennedy, is quite a bit different from the oratory style that most people associate with earlier great speakers such as Winston Churchill.

The foundation of the conversational approach is proper eye-contact, and the nature of that eye-contact is quite unlike the way 99% of presenters practice. In fact, once you know what to look for, you will discover that what first differentiates those who have The Skills from those who don't is the way they engage their audiences with their eyes.

Make no mistake, proper eye-contact is only one component of The Skills, but when you understand exactly how you must look at your audience to be a great speaker, the other components tend to fall into place.

When you nail down these (surprisingly straightforward) eye contact techniques, you can deliver to a group of 500 without ever feeling more anxiety than you would when discussing your job to friends around a lunch table.

Most people find that hard to believe until they've actually received training in The Skills, but when you get it, it's rather powerful stuff!

These exercises sound simple enough, but they do require a bit of vigilance on your part to have the desired effect. You must practice them at every opportunity for a week or so. At the end of that time you will know what you need to know to move on to the next level of acquiring The Skills, but only if you make a conscious effort to do what the exercises ask you to do every day.

Exercises:

1.Observe others' eye contact. In every situation in which you interact with others, watch their eyes. Observe how long they maintain eye contact while they are speaking to you. Watch how they maintain eye contact while speaking to others. As often as you can, count the number of seconds they maintain continuous eye contact before switching to a new target and note this, preferably in a log of some sort.

2.In situations where someone is speaking to a group, again count the number of seconds the speaker maintains eye contact with each individual. Determine what the average amount of time is.

3.Be conscious of your own eye contact. When speaking with someone, do you stay focused on them? Do you look up, away, or down while speaking? Or do you maintain eye contact the entire time you are speaking with someone? How often do you move away from eye contact and then return? Do you look at other people for the same amount of time when talking to one as when you are talking to many?

If you've vigilant in your observations, you'll probably be very surprised at the amount of time people hold continuous eye-contact when speaking. And yet it is this amount of time that sets the tone for what makes average speakers average and great ones great.

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Both D Abbondanza & J. Douglas Jefferys are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

D Abbondanza has sinced written about articles on various topics from Dating and Romance. . D Abbondanza's top article generates over 9900 views. to your Favourites.

J. Douglas Jefferys has sinced written about articles on various topics from Information Technology, Public Relations and Public Speaking. J. Douglas Jefferys is a principal at , an international consulting firm specializing in training businesses of all sizes to communicate. J. Douglas Jefferys's top article generates over 18100 views. to your Favourites.