Many people feel an emotional barrier after a divorce,but there are ways to overcome these barriers you feel, especially when children are involved. Trying to grow accustomed to having joint physical custody or living under a specific property settlement will no doubt cause you to experience a number of drastic changes.
Yet, divorce does not mean the end of life itself, and many individuals do move on and make a new life for themselves and their children. There are ways of overcoming the emotional barriers you feel, especially when children are involved.
Starting a new life with new relationships after divorce is an intimidating process for many people. The ending of your marriage may leave you feeling somewhat vulnerable and inadequate. It can also be extremely difficult for you to suddenly switch from loving someone to feeling either hatred or indifference towards that person.
How you cope with life after divorce can also depend on what role you played in the breakup. If you left your spouse, you may feel a sense of control over the situation because the decision was yours but if your spouse left you, feelings of desertion or betrayal may arise.
To help overcome these emotions, it is suggested to take time for yourself and focus on things that make you happy.
This may require you to reflect back on the marriage to see what your role was in the relationship and answer some difficult questions - did you feel like the marriage was missing something important? - did you often give more emotionally than you received? - did you feel betrayed?
Answers to questions of this nature will allow you to come to grips with why the marriage failed and by stepping back and taking some time, you allow emotional wounds to heal before starting a new relationship. Learning about what makes you happy and what your emotional needs are will help you make better decisions about who you choose to open your life to.
Property agreements, custody issues and feelings of desertion can make starting a new life after divorce very difficult. It is necessary to overcome your vulnerable state and the desire to isolate yourself from the rest of the world after your divorce is final. Giving in to negative behaviors will only worsen you chances of finding happiness again. Focusing on your needs and the needs of your children when coping with a divorce is a good place to start. Only after looking at life differently you will find ways to make positive changes.
Divorce causes people to get angry. It just happens. That's part of the process of dealing with the divorce. The problem is when you become stuck in the anger and hold onto it for dear life. How many of us know a bitter & angry divorcee? You know what I mean...the ones who can't say anything positive about their ex-spouse no matter who's in the room. We've all been around them.
Today, let's focus on 3 reasons why holding onto that anger is not a good choice for you or your children.
1. It imprisons you in the past
This is anger about a relationship that is not in your future, it is ONLY in your past. You may be co-parenting with your ex-spouse and have a connection to them in that way, but no longer are you romantically linked with them.
Holding onto the anger keeps you focused on what could or should have been. There are broken dreams with the death of any marriage.
It also keeps you focused on only the bad things that happened in the relationship. All we focus on are things that fuel our anger when we are this upset. It's as if we have glasses on with a lens that filters out any happy times in order to continue feeding that anger.
2. It doesn't allow you to move forward
You aren't able to focus on the possibilities that lie ahead of you. All you can see are aspects of that past relationship.
It also causes you to hold onto the pain from that broken relationship. Wherever you go you carry around that extra baggage of pain. Would you be interested in dating someone who spends all their time bad mouthing their ex-spouse?
3. Ultimately holding onto that anger hurts your children
Your children love both of you very much. That aspect has not changed for them just because the two of you are no longer married.
Children are very adept at knowing when their parents are fighting whether it's done right in front of them or not. It is very confusing for kids when these two people they love are at odds. They can't make sense of how this is possible. This confusion typically creates a lot of anxiety for children. In response to that anxiety, frequently they take on the responsibility of maintaining the peace rather than just being children.
Is it wrong to be angry? No! Anger is an emotion and emotions just happen without our control. The way we react to the emotion such as blowing up, or choosing to fester in it is completely in our control! You have a choice to make. No, this is not an easy process and it doesn't just happen overnight.
Both Faye B. Roberts & Alyssa Johnson are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Faye B. Roberts has sinced written about articles on various topics from Depression, Computers and The Internet and Tools and Resources. Emotional and Spiritual Growth Following Divorce is Possible for Every Member of Your Family. Discover How to Heal Your Heart and Protect Your Loved Ones. Visit