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[P202]Perfect Phrases For Dealing With Difficult People
by Colleen Kettenhofen, Col
Do you know any difficult people? Ever worked or lived with a difficult person? If you answered no to both quetions, you're probably not gettin' out much! Seriously though, sooner or later we're all in the position of dealing with difficult people. Whether we're managing difficult employees, or dealing with a tiresome co-worker. Here are 10 easy tips you can put into practice immediately for dealing with difficult people.

1) Accept, change, or reject: Know that ultimately you only have three choices in a difficult situation, and when dealing with difficult people: A) Accept the situation knowing it may never change. B) Attempt to change your relationship with them by first changing how you perceive them, and how you react. C) Reject. In other words, if the situation with this difficult person is really affecting your well-being, it may be time to reject the situation and move on.

2) Don't lose emotional control. When dealing with difficult people like antagonists, who purposely press your buttons, it's imperative to stay calm. These folks are purposely trying to rattle your cage and ruffle your feathers. Don't give them the reaction they're trying to elicit from you.

3) Think before you speak. Once those words are out they're pretty hard to take back. And most likely, you have to live or work with these difficult people every day.

4) Listen more, talk less. Let them vent ? within reason. Listening is the number one tool in communication, especially when dealing with difficult people. You know people who just need to vent. Often, once you've let them vent, they're more likely to listen to you because they've gotten it all out of their system.

5) Step back and analyze the situation from an outside perspective. When we're less emotionally involved and cool our jets, the answers come for how to effectively deal with these difficult people.

6) Write in a journal. Keep a pad of paper and a pen in your car. Whenever you're afraid you might say something you'd regret, go to your car and write out everything you'd like to say but never could. Writing is a cathartic, physical way of getting it out of your system. When you arrive home, tear it up or burn it. You wouldn't want them to find it and become MORE difficult!

7) Consider taking a seminar on dealing with difficult people. Practicing effective conflict-resolution skills is important both in the business world and in your personal life. Success is determined not just by what you know, or who you know, but by how well you get along with others.

8) If you're a manager, supervisor or team leader, consider training everyone in conflict-resolution. One of the main reasons teams fail is because the people on the team don't like each other. It's not necessarily the whole team. All it takes is a conflict between two people. And if they're not trained effectively in communication and conflict-resolution skills, they start focusing more on personalities than on completing projects.

9) In dealing with difficult people, sometimes you get what you give. Swallow your pride and give sincere, warranted appreciation to these difficult people when they deserve it. Sometimes difficult people are difficult because they feel under appreciated.

10) Choose your battles. Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? There are times when you won't get your way. Let it go. Know when to speak up and when to move on when dealing with difficult people.

"Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory." Norman Vincent Peale

One certainty in life is you will not always see eye to eye with everyone. The purpose of this article is to share practical ideas on dealing with difficult people.

1 – I hate the title of this article. The first step is to reframe the situation. If you think you are dealing with a difficult person, it will be difficult. If you think you are dealing with a challenge, it can be invigorating.

2 - Use the Stephen Covey rule: “seek first to understand.” Often the simple act of understanding the person will be cathartic enough to have the person deal with you civilly. People have a need to be understood and if they feel understood, they tend to be easier to work with. If you truly understand the other person, often you will see a solution to the challenge or will have empathy for them and not feel as threatened.

3 – Leave stubbornness (and ego) at the door. Most cases I have seen where someone is very challenging, it is because both of the parties are set on their point of view.

4 – Be Zen. If you cannot change the situation, live with it. Not only tolerate it but do not stress about what cannot be changed.

5 – Take a break. Often challenging situations can bog down. Stepping away from the situation can allow more creativity. It can also allow for a cooling off by both parties. Some of the best breaks include deep breathing, exercise (take a walk) and of course the longer the time, the better.

6 – Ask yourself why you think this person is a challenge. Often the reasons tie to interpreting cues wrong. For example, I do business with an individual who uses a lot of foul language. I find this somewhat offensive and it tends to raise my stress level. When I look at the situation, his first language is not English. He likely does not have the same associations with swear words as I do. Furthermore, they are only words so perhaps I need to look at myself. Does it really matter?

7 – Be creative. This ties into the stubbornness. Often creative solutions can solve an impasse. Take a win-win negotiations course. Much conflict is actually about problem solving and negotiation. Much of win win negotiating is about creativity.

8 – Ask “what about this person or situation is good?” There will always be something about everyone and every situation that is positive.

9 – Ask the How question. How could you solve this challenge? How could dealing with this person be a good thing?

10 – Get help. Often someone might be tough for you to communicate with or be challenging to deal with but someone else might deal with them easily. I often end up in this role in my company. Because the card says CEO, people are often more polite and nicer to me than they are one of my staff. It is not that I am better, it is the position. Or sometimes just someone different might have different chemistry. I used to do an account swap among the sales reps and trade underperforming accounts. Invariably sales would increase for both reps. There was something about adding new energy and a new person that moved all underperforming accounts to higher sales by just switching reps.

11 – If all else fails, avoid the situation. In some cases, this can be a viable option. I often ask myself “will this go away if I do not deal with it”. If the answer is yes, why should I spend time and energy on it?

Good luck dealing with your challenging people.

Article Source : Dealing Difficult People

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Both Colleen Kettenhofen & Jim Estill are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Colleen Kettenhofen has sinced written about articles on various topics from Fitness, Difficult people and Leadership. Colleen Kettenhofen is a speaker, workplace expert, & co-author of "The Masters of Success," as featured on the Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield. For free articles, e-newsletter, or to order the book visit. Colleen Kettenhofen's top article generates over 90500 views. to your Favourites.

Jim Estill has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marketing and Communications, SEO Articles and Advertising Guide. . Jim Estill's top article generates over 3600 views. to your Favourites.
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