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[S669]Social Skills For Children

by Tellman H. Knudson, Tel

Did you have only a few friends when growing up with ADD? If you're an ADD parent, does the lack of social ability in your child just tear you apart? It's true that no children have social skills until they're taught, but did you know that 60% of all people with ADD will never have the ability to get along well in society?

The issue isn't gender based, either. ADD boys and girls have equal difficulty in being part of a group. However, boys will not agonize over losing a friend like a girl will and they will think that more people like them than really do. Girls fail to recognize that they lose friends because of their tendency to be bossy and controlling, and can even fall into depression when things like this happen.

One huge factor in the ADD person's problem with society is that they don't think before acting. They're impulsive. Even when they've thought about the consequences of an action, they still can't stop themselves in some instances. They lack the little voice inside their head that says, "If you do this, it will hurt someone." There's no "superego," as Freud termed it. Even when they recognize that there will be a problem, they can't seem to regulate their behavior. Some can't even see the cause and effect.

What makes this happen?

Part of normal childhood education is learning to react to social cues like facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. But recognizing the subtle cues isn't something that ADD people can do. They can't see the cause and effect of their own behavior, these nuances of behavior in others are just out of their realm of understanding.

Both children and adults with ADD can strengthen these behaviors when in social situations if they:

*Smile and greet other people
*Listen to other people who are talking.
*Apologize when they realize that someone else is hurt by something they said or did.
*Give others compliments.
*Show other people that they're interested in them by asking questions.
*Say thank you and show that you mean it.
*Avoid rambling when in conversation.
*Wait to talk until the other person has finished.
*Look people in the eye.

Be sure to give your ADD child direction in these areas, and if you're an ADD adult, then try to remember these points yourself. Try to be affable and flexible. It's hard for some people with ADD, but getting people to like you isn't that hard. If you have an ADD child, realize that your example is all-important. If you're having trouble getting along with people, they probably will, too.

Work on promoting a higher awareness of other people's body cues and the tone of their voice. Make your child realize that when someone's frowning, they aren't happy and see if they can understand why. Then, make them apply changes to ease the situation. You'll have to be vigilant and to repeat the process over and over again, but the outcome will be a happier adult, especially if your child is one of the many who carries ADD throughout his or her life.

A social skills checklist outlines the major social skills and present helpful hints in achieving a better appreciation of these skills. This checklist could be acquired from a counselor or social skills coach. It may also be found in some books on communication and books on social graces.

A social skills checklist can be customized. It can be designed to meet your specific needs and goals. Below is a generalized social skills checklist that you may consider studying. This may serve as your aid in brainstorming ideas as to which social skills you do intend to observe and develop.

1. How to become a good listener.

Listening is the most important social skill and is also the hardest to observe. To improve your social skills you must be determined to meet that objective in the end. There is a need for discipline. In as much as social skills involve one on one communication, listening plays a major role.

You need to listen to your partner when he or she talks and vice versa. You should bear in mind that they don't just want to be talked to; they also do want to be talked with. The social skill of listening is a give and take interaction. When both parties try to exchange communications, it is an indication that advanced social skill is demonstrated.

Being a good listener, you are not supposed to interrupt as others speak. Never judge harshly and try to comment back after. To make an occasional quick comment is an indication that you are on the same page and you are focused on the topic being discussed. It takes a lot of effort to be patient and courteous as you wait for your turn to be heard. But if you will come to realize it, you will learn a lot if you focus on what the other party is saying.

2. Always say "please" and "thank you".

The use of the words "please" and "thank you" are sometimes overlooked.

Most often, people tend to forget to express gratitude for the things that were done for them. You should take time to say "please" and "thank you" to those who have taken the time to carry out their services as you have expected them to perform. A kind deed earns good rewards. Your being polite and appreciative of their help will motivate them to further improve their performance.

3. Adopt an open and inviting posture.

Your non-verbal social skills such as your bodily movements, eye-to-eye contact and controlling nervous habits are vital in making other's feel at ease with you.

Try to behave in a manner that would not be construed as a defensive attack but a posture that would indicate a welcoming gesture.

4. Practice speaking to strangers and start conversations with them.

Small talk may be very hard to evaluate, as little real information may be shared in the conversation. Try to ask surface questions to strangers and listen to their answers. You could be surprised at how their answers will often serve as a lead into an interesting conversation.

Social skills are hard to measure since they are not definitive or material. Thus, you need a social skills checklist handy as you evaluate yourself and how far your social skills progress.

Article Source : Etiquette In The Business

About Author

Both Tellman H. Knudson & Peter Murphy are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Tellman H. Knudson has sinced written about articles on various topics from Personal Desktop, Computers and The Internet and Internet Marketing. Tellman Knudson is CEO of Overcome Everything, Inc. and a certified hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner. If you think you might have ADD, take the ADD test at