That is a basic question, but not a simple one. I'm not sure I can even answer it.
Sometimes hearing someone else's experiences put things in perspective. Here is a situation concerning a person I dated, how I personally view it, and how I make it work for me. Maybe this example will help clear things up a little bit for you too.
In my life, I've seen a lot of relationships and been envious of very few. I see a lot of phoniness, relationships of convenience, and people together for all the wrong reasons.
But I knew that my relationship with her was something incredibly, incredibly special. I'd never felt anything like that; it was something totally different than all the rest I'd ever been in. It was comparing apples to oranges, as the saying goes.
In every way, I found her to be the most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen. We showed each other our best and our worst and remained together because we believed in each other as individuals and believed in us as a couple.
It's interesting to think of all the things we are taught and all we are not. People are taught a million things growing up: how to read, how to use a stove without burning their hands, how to fold a towel, how to drive, and so on.
But we're never taught some of the things that are imperative in relationships; we're somehow expected to learn them as we go and by trial and error. I, like many others, never learned how to trust someone to give them all of my feelings, so I'd always held something back, which isn't fair.
I also never learned how to forgive someone that I loved when they hurt me. And I certainly never learned what to do when you find someone who is perfect for you. It sounds like such a great thing, but it can be one of the most overwhelming feelings you ever experience because you want it to work out more than you want anything else in your life.
And sometimes, by the time you start to realize these things, it's too late to make everything right.
Making her cry was the worst thing I've ever done and just thinking about it hurts me more than anything I've ever lost, never achieved, failed at, or I could really explain here.
And now she's gone. We had talked about "forever" but this isn't the kind of "forever" I thought we meant.
Who we were at the time we made our memories, we'll always be - that man will always love that woman and that woman will always love him just as much. I still miss so many things about her, namely counting on - and believing in - us.
I still think about her every day and wonder, wonder, and wonder. I made her an enormous part of my life and now that she's gone, that life as I knew it is too.
The pain is normal. But don't think that because you feel pain you can't move on. What happened between the two of you obviously affected you, so the hurting is expected. Truthfully, and unfortunately, it may be felt for a long, long time.
If you think about it, you probably still don't feel great about the moment you found out you didn't get that job you really wanted or a pet that died when you were a kid. You may never feel perfectly fine about this situation either.
What I realized, and what you must too, is that you have to move on. They have. They have their own life going, and whether it's them being alone or them being with someone else - it's still them being without you.
There is no other option; you can't stay closed off and emotionally unavailable forever in hopes they will change their mind about you or that it will work out somehow. Knowing when to let go and move forward it is the hard part.
You don't want to do it when you're emotionally unavailable, angry at life, or will be anything but the best person you can be to whomever it is you end up with next. I don't know if you're there. Maybe you don't even know if you're there.
There's only one way to find out, though.
One of the ways to manage your depression is to challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make your fearful or depressed, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense. For example, your afraid that if you do not get that job promotion then you will be stuck at your job forever. This depresses you, however your thinking in this situation is unrealistic. The fact of the matter is that there all are kinds of jobs available and just because you do not get this job promotion does not mean that you will never get one. In addition, people change jobs all the time, and you always have that option of going elsewhere if you are unhappy at your present location.
Some people get depressed and have a difficult time getting out of bed in the mornings. When this happens, a person should take a deep breath and try to find something to do to get their mind off of the problem. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things. Doing something will get your mind off of the problem and give you confidence to do other things.
Sometimes, we can get depressed over a task that we will have to perform in the near future. When this happens, visualize yourself doing the task in your mind. For instance, you and your team have to play in the championship volleyball game in front of a large group of people in the next few days. Before the big day comes, imagine yourself playing the game in your mind. Imagine that your playing in front of a large audience. By playing the game in your mind, you will be better prepared to perform for real when the time comes. Self-Visualization is a great way to reduce the fear and stress of a coming situation.
Another technique that is very helpful is to have a small notebook of positive statements that make us feel good. Whenever you come across an affirmation that makes you feel good, write it down in a small notebook that you can carry around with you in your pocket. Whenever you feel depressed, open up your small notebook and read those statements.
Take advantage of the help that is available around you. If possible, talk to a professional who can help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future. Managing your fears and anxieties takes practice. The more you practice, the better you will become.
The techniques that I have just covered are some basic ways to manage your fear, anxiety, and depression, however your best bet is to get some help from a professional.
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Both Xavier Kincaid & Stanley Popovich are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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