No matter what age your kids are, the boundaries you set for them are bound to be tested. As the parent, the reasons for these restrictions are obvious. You don't want your toddler to touch an outlet because he might get hurt. You prohibit your ten-year-old to go outside of the neighborhood because of the busy street that lies beyond. You want your sixteen-year-old home at a certain time because of nighttime dangers.
Despite their protests to the contrary, we don't set boundaries because we're ogres and want to prevent our kids from having fun. We're simply trying to protect them. That's what loving parents do.
Here are three things to keep in mind when setting boundaries for your kids:
1. Create the boundaries. This sounds like a no-brainer but there are many parents who never officially establish boundaries. Then, when their child does something his parents don't approve of, the child gets in trouble but is left scratching his head, wondering what he did wrong. Kids need specifics. Not just, ?Be home after dark,? but ?Be home by ten o'clock.?
It may be necessary to make a list of your families specific boundaries and post it in a prominent place so your child can refer to it, if needed, or at least to serve as a reminder in case she ?forgets? the rules.
2. Lay out the consequences. Just as important as setting the boundaries is explaining what the consequences will be for crossing them. If kids don't know beforehand what will happen if they ignore the boundaries, it's more likely they will test you and take a chance that the result won't be that bad.
And then, if and when they do cross those boundaries, you won't be left stressing about it. You'll know exactly what to do.
3. Boundaries are meant to expand. As your child grows, the boundaries will too. You probably keep your toddler confined to your front yard but your seven-year-old may be allowed to ride her bike three house lengths down the street. A ten-year-old may have the freedom to ride his bike around the block, and you might okay your twelve-year-old's plea to walk to a friend's house, several blocks away. Take age, as well as each child's individual responsibility into consideration, along with his or her history of staying within the boundaries.
Research shows that even though they throw tantrums and fits regarding boundaries they don't think are fair, kids who are not given guidelines and restrictions while growing up are more likely to have behavior problems. Kids just aren't wired to handle the responsibility that comes with freedom.
God loves us and lays out plenty of guidelines and restrictions in His Word. Staying within the boundaries God has set for us sets a wonderful example to our kids. Additionally, consistently setting boundaries and sticking to them will ensure that our children will someday realize that we're not trying to keep something from them but are actually giving something to them. We're offering them the love and security they'll need when they're finally able to spread their wings and fly into the world on their own.
Chances are that if you're a gal who is an emotional eater, there is at least one recess or area of your life where you are having trouble with boundaries. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. They define your limits and enable you to have more self respect, enjoy win win relationships and put you in charge of living a juicy life.
If you notice that you're often running to the fridge because you're overcommitted and stressed and can't say "No," don't beat yourself up over it. It's not your fault. As children, we learn how to set boundaries by what we are taught by our parents and they learned from their parents, and so the endless cycle continues. This is called your programming and it affects you unconsciously by keeping you stuck in old habits. In order to break free from those shackles, you have to recognize what's not working and take steps to change it.
Here are several tips to chew on before you reach for food when you're not hungry.
1. Pay attention to your feelings. Your feelings are an indicator that let you know when someone has crossed your boundaries. By respecting and honoring your feelings and acting on them with integrity, you will gain the respect of others and most especially yourself. If you have trouble tuning into your feelings, it may because there is too much static in your life. You may need to find a way to slow down and listen to your inner wisdom.
2. Act as if. Practice mentally saying "No." Think of someone whom you respect who has no qualms about setting personal boundaries, expressing their thoughts or saying, "No." Imagine yourself thinking and acting as they would in different challenging situations, looking and feeling totally confident as you reject any requests, demands or tasks that make you automatically feel guilty, uneasy, frustrated or angry.
3. Recharge and Renew You. It's easy to feel like the walls are closing in on you when you're stressed. Do something special that makes your heart sing, nurtures your soul and gives you something to look forward to each and every day. By heading off your stress at the pass, you will begin to take the edge off of your emotional eating. Take a yoga class, call a friend, listen to music, cuddle, take a nap, pet your dog or cat, paint, sit in a bubble bath. Spend time having more fun. Close your eyes and ask yourself, "What do I really want"?
4. Seek Support. If you're struggling with being able to imagine saying or doing things without being afraid of disappointing others, hurting people's feelings, not being considered nice, then it may be time to gather the support of other women who are also working to set better boundaries. See if you can find a local women's group or online community that can support you in learning how to say "yes" to yourself and "no" to others.
5. Learn Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT was created by a man named Gary Craig. Based on the science of Acupuncture, EFT is a powerful self help method that works to create an energetic balance in the body by freeing your emotions. It is based on the premise that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in your body's energy system. Simply put this means that anytime you feel bad about something, it sources back to an energy blockage. You can release those blocks in minutes and free yourself to enjoy more living. EFT is effective for releasing negative memories, eliminating cravings and overcoming fears and resistance.
Both Lynn Powers & Andrea Amador are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Andrea Amador has sinced written about articles on various topics from Fitness, Stress Management and Lose Weight. Andrea Amador, CEC, M.NLP is President of The Juicy Woman. She is devoted to empowering women to love themselves more, yummy up their lives and lose weight without dieting. Join her Juicy Woman Forum at. Andrea Amador's top article generates over 1600 views. to your Favourites.