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[S456]Signs Of A Controlling Relationship

by Jim Favor, Jim

Being in a relationship can be good and unpleasant. A relationship can have you feel spirited or unworthy of yourself. The choice is yours if you want to believe it. But knowing the signals of a controlling relationship can help you to make a decision whether or not you are making the right decision for your life.

This report will identify some parts of a controlling relationship that you need to be cognizant of in order to know that it's happening to you. I know that sounds a bit far fetched to read an article to let you know if you are being controlled or not. But it's true, a lot of people are not cognizant of the fact that they are being victimized and until you read up on literature that identifies these signals, life will stay on happening the way it always has. And if you're not happy that could be one of the reasons for it.

A lot of people enter relationships just for the primary issue that they feel they are on a mission to fulfill other peoples needs. Where this might be altruistic it does nothing for yourself if you are not fulfilled. If you give up your well being, your dreams, your ambitions for someone else it will not help you in the least toward your own destiny. There will be a day of reckoning when you will want to do what you want to do in order to feel good about yourself.

If this has happened in a long term relationship where a person has become dependent upon the other person for their feeling worthy and have to define their own self worth through the eyes of someone else then it's time for a self healing and open communication.

Accepting that your partner has substance or process addictions for the sake of helping those helping you is no escape either. One of the main issues that people turn to addictions of any sort is because they aren't fulfilled within themselves. Why is that? If they are in a relationship and they feel unfilled its probably because there's no rapport between two people. If this sounds remotely familiar then it's time to turn off the television, radio, put the feline or dog outdoors and sit at the kitchen table and talk about what's going on.

Get it out in the open and talk it out is one of the primary techniques that can be employed to reverse the situation. This is your life that you're talking about and you want the best of it, so don't short change yourself by allowing to be part of a pattern that ends up nowhere.

Being cognizant of your partner's actions is the first step in understanding your own situation. You may be so intent on the other person that you may have forgotten that you may have actions that block it out altogether. For instance, you may be aware that your partner has a problem and that you indeed try to bring it out in the open but in doing so you become judgmental.

Knowing that people don't like to be ordered what to do or even blaming them for your own demise is the first step in destroying any type of communication link that you may have. So look at your own actions and notice if the other person isn't just reacting to yourself.

Understanding these signs of a controlling relationship will understandbly help you become cognizant of the situation. Acting on these problems is the next stage and hopefully you will end up with a harmonious relationship that you can cherish for a long time.

Having a controlling spouse can make your private life very uncomfortable. Spouses who try to exert too much influence over the life of their wife or husband don't rest until they control every facet of their lives. This type of situation puts a real damper on the feelings of love that the "controlled" spouse feels toward their mate. Needless to say, the relationship can suffer as a result.

How do you know whether your spouse is just a bit too pushy or whether he or she can actually be considered to be a controlling spouse? Here are 5 signs of a controlling spouse:

1. They monitor or constantly ask about your phone calls and e-mails:

Controlling spouses want to remain aware of everyone else you are communicating with. That is because they are jealous by nature, which is due to a personal sense of insecurity or inadequacy on their part. If your spouse checks your mobile phone or home phone records to monitor whom you are calling and when, that is a controlling behavior. Similarly, if you have ever caught them checking your e-mail inbox or sent items box in order to see whom you have been corresponding with, that is an inappropriate behavior.

2. They don't like it when you get too close to your friends or co-workers:

A controlling spouse wants to be the center of your world. They want to play the starring role in your mind at all times. Therefore, they are always thinking in the back of their mind about who else you know, think about, or spend time with. A controlling spouse wants to make sure that nobody else - such as friends and co-workers - features prominently in your mind. You know you have a controlling spouse if they seem to ask too many questions about who else you are spending time with, what you talk about, and what you do together.

3. They frequently interrupt you or act condescendingly when they speak to you:

If your spouse seems to want to dominate you during almost any conversation, this is a sign that they have a controlling personality. You know your spouse is trying to dominate you in conversation if they frequently interrupt you, try to correct what you say, take every opportunity to put you down, or talk condescendingly to you.

4. They run hot and cold with their emotions:

A controlling spouse will try to keep you off-balance by being all over the map emotionally, changing their mood with no forewarning. One moment your spouse seems loving and kind, the next moment he or she suddenly gets belligerent and mean. If that describes you, there is a good chance your spouse is controlling.

5. They feel threatened by your relationships with your family members:

Similar to how a controlling spouse feels threatened by your close friends and co-workers, they can feel the same way about family members. Reason: the families we grew up with in many cases can remain very close to us for the rest of our lives. Our family members know us better, in some ways, than our spouses do. And that fact makes a controlling spouse jealous. It is not appropriate for your spouse to try to intervene in your healthy family relationships. If your spouse does this, he is a controlling spouse.

If you suspect that your spouse is controlling, it is important to understand that this doesn't necessarily mean they don't love or respect you. In fact, their controlling nature has everything to do with how they feel about themselves and nothing to do with you. So, take heart. Your next move is to work together on improving your relationship so that your controlling spouse can become aware of his or her own issue. Then, the two of you can create a loving relationship again.

Article Source : Marriage Guide

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Both Jim Favor & Robbie T. James are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Jim Favor has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marriage, Recreation and Sports and Marriage. Are you searching for that special someone in your life? Do you get tongue tied with what to say and how to say it? Do you want to know how to present yourself in the best possible light to someone that accentuates the positive traits of yourself? You. Jim Favor's top article generates over 1900 views. to your Favourites.

Robbie T. James has sinced written about articles on various topics from Poor Credit, Computer Virus and Marriage. A controlling spouse is hard to love, but you can find ways to mend your relationship with expert advice from these love gurus who have helped thousands of other struggling couples at:. Robbie T. James's top article generates over 49500 views. to your Favourites.