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[S463]Signs Of Low Self Esteem

by Judi Debus, Jud

“Whoa," you say. “That’s a strong statement–maybe even a bit lofty!" Well, thinking like that is probably not working for you, I’ll bet! So, how IS your self esteem? Okay, let’s back up a minute.
Read the questions below and answer them HONESTLY:

1-How many times a day does someone pay you a compliment?
2-How often does anyone do something kind for you unsolicited?
3-How often do you receive positive, encouraging feedback for your efforts?
4-How often does anyone express their undying gratitude for the many unselfish acts you perform daily?
5-When was the last time someone gave you a gift just because they love you?
6-Does anyone ever look in you in the eyes and tell you they adore you unconditionally?
7-Is there anyone in your life that would jump for joy if you decided to go on a week-long adventure….alone?

Now, let’s check your answers to my ‘self-esteem’ questionnaire!

a)Did your answers…give you a warm fuzzy feeling or make you stand taller? If so, I suggest you turn off your computer and immediately seek out those individuals and thank them for contributing to your positive self-esteem and ask them to promise never to change so you can coast through life knowing you are important.
OR

b) Did your answers…stir up some anger, sadness, or shock?
Well, CONGRATULATIONS, you have just experienced a breakthrough – one that will put you on the road to a higher
quality of life forever!!!

BE GRATEFUL FOR THESE INSIGHTS TO A MUCH GREATER SELF ESTEEM
One you can count on!

Insight #1- It is not anyone else’s job or responsibility to validate your existence!
Insight #2- It is not up to anyone else to provide you with reasons why you are terrific and deserve a beautiful life experience!

*If all those people who kept pumping you with ‘happy air’ flew away, you would be deflated. Then, what? No self-esteem!*

SELF ESTEEM – TO HOLD ONE SELF IN HIGH REGARD…TO BE HELD IN HIGH REGARD BY ONE SELF
Hmmmmm!

You don’t NEED anyone else’s input (not saying it doesn’t sound good sometimes, it’s just not required)!
You can be…you must be your own pump!

HOW? Let’s take another look at those ‘nasty’ questions and I’ll show you!

1-Compliments? Who better than you knows every single wonderful thing you do each day that is worth recognition…pay yourself a compliment!
2-Kindnesses? Be kind to yourself – say ‘no’ to others once in a while, take 10 to refresh and nourish YOU – walk outside, listen to some tunes, get a short chapter in!
3-Feedback? Kudos and constructive criticism always has more power when it comes from within. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back!
4-Gratitude? Practice noticing little ways you contribute to a better world: smiling at the harsh bank teller, pushing the rock on the sidewalk off to the side so no one trips, parking further away from the store in case someone has trouble walking – it all counts! Be grateful to yourself!
5-Gift? Not all presents cost money and certainly do not have to come from others. Take time for a hot bath, keep that golf date every Saturday morning or make time for your favorite hobby. Treat yourself!
6-Unconditional love? Look at yourself up close in the mirror at least twice a day, smile a huge smile and say, “I love you, man…you are so cool!"
7-Adventure? When you do finally recognize that you are spectacular and ever-growing…acknowledge that “knowing" by finding small or large ways to discover for yourself what a miracle you truly are!
Get lost in a good book, try something you’ve never done, meditate or take a trip!

Hey, look…you found your self esteem

Was it the last place you thought of looking?
What a treasure you’ve discovered

You owe it to yourself to delight in your own magnificence !!!

?I'm insufficient,? he said. ?I'm inadequate.?

I looked at this kind man and felt deep sadness for him. He did not know who he was.

?Why do you believe that?? I asked.

?I didn't do well in school, and I've made lots of mistakes in my life.?

?So you are basing your worth on your performance, right??

?Of course.?

David could not conceive of any other way of defining his worth other than through his performance ? which he never saw as good enough.

I asked David to look inside ? at the essence of himself - and tell me what he sees. All he saw was emptiness.

?David, please close your eyes. Now imagine a wonderful being who loves you very much. Who comes to mind??

?My grandfather. He died when I was young, but he really loved me.?

?Good. Now imagine that you are seeing yourself through the eyes of your grandfather. What does your grandfather see when he looks at you??

?He sees a bright and creative little boy, who is very kind and caring. A loving little boy. A little boy who is funny and likes to laugh, and likes to make other people laugh.?

?Is there anything wrong with this little boy? Anything inadequate or insufficient??

?Oh no! He is a wonderful little boy.?

?David, this is who you really are. You are not your performance. Your performance will come and go and at some point you might retire and not perform at all. Yet that does not mean that you are, therefore, worthless. Your worth is in who you are, not in what you do. Your worth in intrinsic.?

David realized that, because of his highly critical and rejecting parents, he had always been trying to prove himself and always came up short in their eyes. As a result of seeing himself as unworthy and inadequate, he did not treat himself well. He treated himself the way his parents had treated him ? with criticism and neglect. He was always trying to take care of everyone else, but rarely thought about taking care of himself. He was constantly abandoning himself emotionally, just as he had been emotionally abandoned by his parents.

?David, if you chose to see yourself as your grandfather saw you rather than how your parents saw you, how would you feel about yourself and how would you treat yourself??

?I've just been thinking about that. I just realized that I treat my dog better than I treat myself! I would never judge my dog the way I judge myself.?

?So what would you do differently if you saw yourself the way your grandfather sees you??

?I would stop judging myself as insufficient and inadequate. I'm a really good person. I am not at all insufficient or inadequate as a person. And I choose my friends based on who they are as people ? not on their performance. So I obviously value the very qualities that I possess!?

?What else would you do if you really valued who you are??

?I would listen to my own feelings and take care of my own needs instead of taking care of everyone else's feelings and needs. I would no longer see it as selfish to take care of myself instead of taking care of everyone else. I would be at least as attentive to myself as I am to my dog!?

David was glowing. He was discovering who he really is, not who he thought he was.

People often think that their worth ? who they really are ? is based on looks and performance. Yet these qualities are transitory. What is real and eternal is who you are in your heart and soul. If you shift your definition of your worth from outer to inner, you will stop trying to prove yourself. You will know that you are already a beautiful being, totally deserving of love.

Article Source : Pg. 5

About Author

Both Judi Debus & Margaret Paul, Ph.d. are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Judi Debus has sinced written about articles on various topics from Self Esteem, Personal Success. Judi has been helping others create a positive difference in their own lifes for her entire career. Now she wants to share her experiences and insight with a broader audience.. Judi Debus's top article generates over 1300 views. to your Favourites.

Margaret Paul, Ph.d. has sinced written about articles on various topics from Parenting, Divorce and Infidelity and Cure Anxiety. Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of eight books, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: