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[S450]Sign Of Cheating Spouse

by Timothy Cole, Tim

There are so many different lists claiming to reveal the telltale signs of a cheating spouse that it is hard to know what to believe. More importantly, the problem with providing such lists is that any specific behavior is always open to more than one interpretation. For instance, does your spouse's sudden wardrobe change indicate a cheating heart or the desire to get the next promotion at work? In reality, the real reason underlying any behavior is usually difficult to determine.

And to make matters more complicated, the lists that have been produced typically employ a shot-gun approach. That is, identify every possible “sign of cheating” that could exist and create a laundry list of cues. Such lists tend to overwhelm a suspicious spouse, leaving him or her in a more heightened state of anxiety.

What is often missing from these lists is some thought or consideration about how our intimate relationships work. With a little work, it is possible to draw upon research on romantic relationships and create different lists of cues all tailored to different circumstances. In other words, based on what we know about relational dynamics, what types of cues are more likely to emerge in different types of relationships? For example, what types of cues are likely to emerge when you spouse is having an emotional affair versus when you spouse is considering leaving you?

By analyzing the cues that have been identified we have created five different sets of cues that are likely to emerge in different types of situations.

Sexual Infidelity Only - No emotional Involvement

A few possible warning signs:

* Unexplained discovery or loss of clothing items
* Unaccounted for loss of time
* Unaccounted for use of contraceptives or ED meds

Polite Disengagement – Spouse is relatively happy with your relationship, but more in love with someone else, and he/she is considering leaving you.

A few possible warning signs:

* Less excitement to see you
* May seem reluctant to make future commitments
* Noticeably polite and courteous
* Less talk or sharing of feelings
* Less passionate sex

Hostile Disengagement – Spouse is unhappy with your relationship, more in love with someone else, and he/she is considering leaving you.

A few possible warning signs:

* More critical, hostile, and angry
* May refuse to have sex
* More conflict over money, finances
* Refuses to make future commitments
* Disinterest in things around the house

Confused Engagement – Spouse is equally in love with you and someone else and he/she does not know what to do.

A few possible warning signs:

* Drastic mood swings
* Exaggerated displays of affection followed by quiet periods
* Sex may be more emotional and intense
* May seem distracted, caught day dreaming
* Sudden change in interests and habits

Feeling Trapped – Spouse is in love with someone else but feels that he/she cannot leave you.

A few possible warning signs:

* May seem annoyed, frustrated
* Does own thing with little concern or regard for you
* Sudden need for space, privacy
* Erratic changes in work schedule
* May miss or cancel events planned with you

Again, it is helpful to point out that even these more targeted signs of cheating are not without their problems. Warning signs of cheating should not be confused with proof of infidelity.

Without proof or an admission from your spouse, you won't know for sure. However there are a number of common warning signs that indicate a problem. Any one of these could easily be innocent but if you see several of these things happening then infidelity investigations provide the evidence you need to deal with the problem.

Phone Calls and Computer Time - Most of the contact in an affair doesn't occur in person. Meeting in person is dangerous and makes it easier to be discovered. Instead, the relationship is mostly carried out via phone calls, email, texting and online chats.

Need for Privacy - Not only does your spouse spend a lot of time on the phone and at the computer, but suddenly you aren't allowed to know the details. Your spouse insists on paying the phone bill without letting you see it. The computer is password locked. The email trashcan is emptied regularly. Browsing history is erased.

Renewed Attention To Appearance - If your spouse joins a gym, that's not necessarily suspicious. However sudden focus on expensive haircuts, nice clothes, and expensive perfume or cologne may mean your spouse is primping for someone else.

Lots of Late Hours - Working late at the office is one of the classic lies cheating spouses use. We all have to work long hours sometimes, but it can also be a cover for illicit meetings.

The Relationship Changes - This is probably the most important sign and the most common reason people seek infidelity investigations. It is nearly impossible to maintain the same relationship with a spouse when cheating. Your partner might become distant as feelings of intimacy are directed at someone else. On the other hand, sometimes cheaters become more solicitous, trying to appease their feelings of guilt with gifts or romantic gestures.

Again, it is important to emphasize that suspicion is not proof. Any of these examples could be completely normal behavior. This is why the added information from infidelity investigations can confirm or allay your suspicions once and for all.

Infidelity Doesn't Mean Divorce

Surveys reveal that the top thing married people would never forgive in their spouses is infidelity and yet many marriages survive affairs and come out stronger.

The proof from infidelity investigations brings the situation into the open so it can be dealt with. Sometimes this reveals fundamental problems in the relationship that can't be fixed. Other times, by exposing the problem areas of the marriage, counseling can repair the marriage.

Don't view a domestic investigation as an end to the relationship. Ignoring the problem will just make it worse. If you both confront it and face it, you may salvage your relationship and have many happy years together.

Article Source : Your Cheating Spouse

About Author

Both Timothy Cole & Christine Harrell are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Timothy Cole has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marriage, Dating and Romance and Cheating Spouse. Timothy Cole, PhD. For more information on the warning signs of cheating and infidelity, see