[S904]Start Dating After Divorce

1. Can't Get Him Out of Your Head

Is it driving you mad? You are still waking up in the morning and your first thought is "him". Even in the middle of the night you are lying away he is the only thing you think about. You can't get to sleep for turning everything that has happened in the relationship endlessly around in your head.

You are fining that he is not your first waking thought - how amazing! In fact, you are realising that you are quite enjoying your life at the moment. Finding time to be with your friends. Beginning to think about your career again and what you can do to get to the next stage. A friend has suggested going on a trip together and you are excited by the idea of trying something new.

Dating Readiness Sign #1: When you are no longer fixated on your life with your ex. and your thoughts are changing you know that life is moving on for you. Getting over a relationship takes time but slowly you will begin to feel better about everying. This is not a place of denial but about coming to terms with the fact that life is taking a different path.

2. You Are No Longer Angry

Whether you wanted to end the relationship or not it is often the case that you will go through a period of anger or bitterness. Sometimes the anger is outward facing - it is all about "him". He this, he that, he.... Sometimes you turn the anger and bitterness inwards. In this state you start to question what you have done, what you could have done etc. You hear yourself repeating lots of negative messages to yourself and a lot of self-blame goes on.

Dating Readiness Sign #2: Now you recognise the good and bad parts about the relationship and about your own contribution. This is a time when you have learnt to take responsibility for what has happened, even if it was he who wanted to end the relationship. Suddenly you find yourself simply fed up with thinking this way about "him" or about men in general. You do really like them, after all, and realise that this last relationship just didn't work for you.

3. You Are No Longer Hoping

However much you try not to, you have found yourself fantasising about him that he will realise that he has made a mistake and will come back to you. This is very common - to believe that if you keep "hoping" everything will come right with you it will. This becomes very dangerous when it takes up too much of your headspace and you can't think about anything else. As long as you hold on to that "hope" you will not move forward.

Dating Readiness Sign #3: When you no longer spend your time "hoping" that things could be different. When you are no longer fixated by the ex-relationship. When you notice that you have spent a whole day, a weekend, and not thought about "him" because you were having too much fun, then you know you are ready to date again.

4. You Take Responsibility

It is so easy to blame others, the world, the other woman, or anything when things go wrong in our lives. Sometimes there may be factors outside your control that have hindered your past relationships. Do you find yourself always believing that it was something to do with someone else that caused the break-up? There are always two people in a relationship and each person has to recognise their own responsibility.

Dating Readiness Sign #4: Being prepared to accept your part in the relationship is a big step. Whatever has happened something of what you did, even if it was just choosing the wrong person for you in the first place, is your responsibility. When you have got to where you can be thoughtful and honest with yourself you know that you are ready to date again.

5. Guess What? You're Happy

Suddenly life feels better. You are going out doing new things, meeting new people. Even better - when you are alone you find that you are enjoying your own company. What's more you have much more energy. Life no longer has that dragging feel.

Dating Readiness Sign #5: However long it takes there will be a time when you find that you are happy again. This will not be an overnight occurrence, but will grow slowly over time, and this may depend on how long you were in the past relationship.

Losing a relationship that has been meaningful to you is a kind of bereavement and you have to move through the same kind of stages. When you have recognised all the dating readiness signs then it is time to go out there again. Don't be tempted to do this before you are ready, because all you will do is take some of the old stuff with you. Allow yourself as much time as you need - it really isn't a race! Better to be in good balance so that your next relationship has a really good chance to be the right one for you. Good luck.