I'm sure this sounds familiar to many women, including maybe you. (Otherwise, you wouldn't be reading this article.)
Of course, you don't think it's 100% impossible. But at the same time, you can think of 99 different reasons why such a great relationship won't happen to you in this lifetime. Many women think like you, and it's sad to see how such pessimistic outlooks on your love life can get in the way.
All of the pessimism actually boils down to one fatal mistake that most beautiful, smart ? and unhappy ? women make.
They let their minds get in the way of things.
These women let these pessimistic thoughts dictate their prospects for meeting new men. In other words, they let their minds do the heart's job ? it's like asking a TV repairman to do surgery. The mind is a lousy judge of emotion.
If you've ever found yourself having second thoughts about meeting someone new ? such as trying to convince yourself that it probably won't work out anyway, so it's better to quit while you're ahead ? then you know for sure that it's not your heart that's in charge of things.
Another fatal mistake that some women make is letting their past dictate their futures. Virtually every woman has gone through a bad relationship ? it's just that the better women don't make such a big deal about it and take it out on the next man to walk into their lives. Women who dwell on the bad times are very unlikely to be receptive to any new opportunities on love that come their way, even if it is from someone who could very well be ?the one? ? and it's a scary thought to have him just walk on by, isn't it?
But that's not the worst of it. Some women insist on keeping these mindsets about relationships because thinking otherwise hurts their pride too much. Alternative ideas, such as having to steer the relationship into the right track while the man barely does anything, may seem unfair or degrading. Such rigid ?requirements? for a relationship keep these women from settling into a relationship with a man naturally ? which, by the way, is how relationships should really start.
So don't be too hard on yourself if your past relationships didn't work out the way you hoped. It happens to everyone. But simply be yourself and be free of these negative thoughts and outlooks about men. Staying bitter will only make you pin your hopes on ?the one? to sweep you off your feet and make everything all better for you ? which isn't likely to happen at all.
So stay positive, be yourself, and be open ? and you'll naturally draw the right types of men closer. And when they do come, remember not to let the past dictate your future.
One of the reasons why it is unhelpful to focus on the thought that you "need money" is because it is likely to cause you to lower your horizons and grab the first offer that comes your way.
If you are in a situation where you feel that you really do ?need the money?, what would happen if you didn't get it?
When you come up with an answer, ask yourself what would you do next... Even if you did not get the money you "needed" there could well be other opportunities out there that prove to be much better - because no single opportunity is the be all and end all of a situation.
Here's another question: How long could you live without this money before you'd have to go and live on the streets?
I know of someone who thought he ?needed money? but, when he did this exercise, he discovered that he could probably survive for ten years before turning himself out to the mercy of the streets.
Working with a success mentoring coach, he decided to concentrate on building his business on the assumption that he had enough money to live.
Now, instead of focusing on his "neediness" and his fear of poverty, he based all of his decisions on his vision of the future and his desire for success.
And, guess what... in less than a year he was making TEN TIMES more money than he had been doing when focusing on his fears and his perceptions of neediness.
Perhaps you suppose that this man was in less pressing need than you are and so therefore it was less difficult for him.
Well, it that is what you wish to believe, so shall it be, at least as far as you are concerned.
Nevertheless, his experience does illustrate a very interesting fact.
When you let go of neediness and start acting on what you desire from the point of view of who you aspire to be, you are no longer working out of desperation, but out of inspiration.
As I said earlier, a sense of neediness will cause you to settle for the first thing that comes your way. Every time you focus on a negative thought you reinforce its power over your life and load the scales on the side of failure.
But when you act as if you already have plenty of money and are assured that you will have more, you will find yourself moving forward with the assurance of a sleepwalker.
Your decisions will then be made free of fear and in a spirit of joyfulness; you will find yourself working from a clear vision of the future and asking clearly for what you want without fear or limitation.
Unfortunately, the great majority of people have been conditioned to act on fear and worry. Unfortunately, fear is a terribly ineffective state within which to make decisions.
What is fear?
Fear is a belief in our inadequacy to deal with something.*
When you are in a state of fear you shrink and suffer a loss of inspiration and a narrowing of vision. You get more and more anxious and your anxiety communicates itself to other people who will then hesitate to do business with you.
But once you start to move with self belief, courage, optimism and regard others more benevolently, you exude ease and well-being. Your creativity grows. Opportunities that you had not noticed before suddenly become available to you and others are keen to work with you.
*Source: Harry Palmer, Living Deliberately, p. 84
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