If you are not satisfied with your verbal interface with your children, or you are not happy with the lack of results, or you're putting out way too much emotion, here are eight practical techniques to help you that really worked for me when I was raising my daughters. And they turned out just great, so I know they work.
Be Your Word.
Everything you say to your children is a promise or an agreement. Do what you say you're going to do and you build trust. Trust carries you through when they're sixteen years old, driving around with their friends and you don't know what they're doing.
There was a recent article about the Florida football team which was about to go into the National Championship game against the Ohio State Buckeyes. Florida had a new coach named Urban Meyer. Everyone agreed he had turned the program around. Their season had dramatically improved, even though they essentially had the same talent and schedule. So what was the difference?
To a man, they all emphasize the fact that the new coach had built a greater sense of trust among the players and coaches. They discussed some of his techniques. There were things like practices at midnight and certain competitions he had dreamed up. The important point was he had created a high level of trust.
Your children will be tempted, and since you won't be there looking over their shoulder, you have to instill character in them. The first step in instilling character is that they see character in you. You are their role model.
Be 100% Responsible
Having integrity means being 100% responsible for everything in your life. It means giving up your reasons and your excuses. Every truly successful person I know lives their life as though they are 100% responsible for everything in their life.
At first blush, many people think this is ridiculous or unrealistic. Other people get the concept but they don't really live it. This may at first sound like a burden; in reality it's a freedom.
When you really get that you are 100% responsible for everything in your life, it's a tremendously freeing experience. It allows you to create your life. This idea isn't just some quotation you can read and pooh pooh. It's real. Think about it: if you're not responsible, if you don't have control over your own life, then you're just a victim and whatever makes you unhappy will always make you unhappy because you can't change it, get rid of it. I know you can see this truth.
Be Genuine
This means being straightforward in your communications and take what you get. This means don't use force or manipulation as a way of trying to get what you want. We know that we can't control other people. When you really understand that and accept it, you'll stop trying to manipulate or force others into achieving the results that you want. Force and manipulation will, at best, only get you a temporary result. Human beings always resist force and manipulation. Force and manipulation are really a product of fear.
When my children were young and they told their mom they wanted to live with Dad all the time, her response was to tell them that if they did that she would disown them. Obviously, I knew she wouldn't disown them and I told them that. But she got what she wanted temporarily. They went back to live with her for a month. But in short order, they realized Mom wasn't really going to leave them and then they moved into my house permanently.
Be Free
Learn to give up being right. How many times have we used that as justification for our actions?
When I say give up being right, I'm not saying forget about the concept of right and wrong. It's incredibly important to teach your children the difference between right and wrong. Giving up being right really relates to the whole idea of control. More specifically, it deals with the fact that you don't control anyone else. If you're having an argument with your ex or you're mad at them because you're right and they're wrong, this has nothing to do with making them right and you wrong. It has nothing to do with forgetting about right and wrong. It doesn't meant that you have to give in to the. I just means you aren't going to convince them that you're right. It just means, let it go. Again, think long term. Think what will be effective and what your kids are seeing as you interface with your ex.
Be Courageous
Always deal with issues with your children head-on. My daughters told me throughout high school that their friends were always amazed at all the things they could talk to me about. My daughters would tell me "My girlfriends are amazed about the things I tell you." Of course, I was forced into this because there was no mom around. The result is that my kids can talk to me about anything - sex, drugs, rock-n-roll. However, our goal here is to raise these children so they become productive and healthy young adults.
When you communicate clearly and openly with your children and develop trust they will come to you with the important issues in their life. Be their guide. You are their anchor. You want them talking to you, not their friends.
Be Peaceful
This comes back to being accepting about what you're really trying to achieve. Don't take the easy way out. Develop an early warning system. What are the things in your relationship with your children that irritate, aggravate or anger you? Think about what it is that really angers you.
Whatever you think it is, it really isn't that. Now you think I'm talking nonsense. Let me give you an example. When my daughters were in high school I used to get really aggravated when they would leave the bathroom a mess. Typically, they would spend hours in the bathroom, doing what girls do, so that they could leave and be beautiful and get to that party. They would make a half-hearted attempt to clean up the bathroom and boom, they were out the door. I'd go upstairs, take one look at the bathroom and become angry because the sink was a mess and the towels were just lying on the floor.
On its face, I was angry because they left the bathroom a mess. When I really analyzed it, I knew I was mad at myself because I was failing as a parent to modify their behavior. That's what I mean when I say, look at whatever it is that upsets you and whatever you think it is, it's not really that.
Be Powerful
Don't be cynical; be inspiring. Act in a way that they are touched and that you make a difference in their lives. A last work about complete ownership: I've repeatedly talked about being responsible in your life. Successful parents are responsible. Responsibility in this context is not a burden. It's not something you have to do, like pay the bills. It's not about fault or blame. It's not about guilt of shame. It's not about getting credit. It isn't all about your ability to understand things or to say if a thing is moral or ethical. It's not about what's good or bad.
Being responsible means being wiling to deal with a situation in your life from the view that you are the creator of your life and of what you do. No one makes you responsible and you don't make anyone else responsible. It's a gift you give yourself.
Pass this lesson on to your children. Teach them to be responsible for themselves. Again, not a burden - acknowledge that they determine the consequences of their lives.
Take Nothing Personally
In all of your relationships, in all of your communications, take nothing personally. Observe the world around you. Notice how often people get offended. Look for it. As an experiment, see how many times you can notice someone being offended in a single day. The more you observe it as an outsider, the more comical it becomes. People act like little kids.
Don't be like everyone else. Step back and be an observer. Watch how people interact with each other. You'll find it humorous. The more you observe it in other people, the more humorous it is, the funnier it becomes, and the more quickly you'll realize when you're doing it, you'll be able to stop.
If you'll give these tips a try, your success in parenting and your communication with your kids will both benefit.
Lack of communication can not only cause problems between us humans, but also between us and our pets. If you cannot communicate effectively, how do you expect the one you are talking with to understand what you are trying to tell them? The basic rules of effective communication are to stay calm, to express yourself as clearly as possible (even if that means taking a few moments to compose your thoughts), and to only work on one problem at a time.
The same thing goes for your relationship with your dog. Many dog owners - and dogs - become flustered and angry when those lines of communication break down, or are nonexistent. But instead of assuming that your dog is deliberately trying to be disobedient, take a look at how you are attempting to communicate with him or her.
First of all, you have to remember that dogs are not people. You have to meet your pet at his level, and try to see things from his point of view. To do that, you need to keep your cool. If your dog doesn't respond right away, in the way you want him to, don't get upset. Simply try something else.
Second, express yourself clearly and concisely. For a dog to understand what you want, you need to teach him simple, one-word commands. Simply shouting, "Don't do that!" when Fido wets the floor is not going to communicate anything more than the fact that you are upset with him. He won't understand why. He won't be able to correct his behavior. He may begin to assume you simply don't like him, or even that you are slightly insane. And if your dog thinks you're insane, he won't be inclined to listen to you.
In addition, in communicating with your dog, timing is everything. Rubbing Fido's nose in a urine-soaked carpet is not only cruel and disgusting, it's counter-productive, just like yelling. What you need to do is catch him in the act. Because of the way doggie brains work, you need to give him a firm, "No!" WHILE he is urinating on the carpet, or eating from the garbage, or engaging in whatever offensive canine habits he may have developed. He will understand this.
Now, as soon as he stops the behavior - which may be immediately, due to being startled - change the tone of your voice and praise him highly for having the good sense to listen to you. Pretty soon, if not immediately, the light bulb will go on in his head.
Third, don't give Fido too much to think about at one time. His brain is already on fire with his squirrel-chasing agenda and plans to weasel more treats out of you. Give him a few days to get a handle on the fact that he isn't supposed to wet the carpet before you work on the garbage-eating project. This means you will have to prioritize.
Of course, it will take some attention on your part to actually catch him in the act, but it will be worth it in the end, both in terms of better behavior and more respect for you as his owner.
Both Len Stauffenger & Jeff Clare are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Len Stauffenger has sinced written about articles on various topics from Bathroom Home Improvement, After Divorce and Health. Len Stauffenger's parents taught him life's simple wisdom. As a divorced dad, he wanted to share that simple wisdom with his girls. "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," his book, is the solution. Len is an author, a Success Coach and an Attorn. Len Stauffenger's top article generates over 110000 views. to your Favourites.
Jeff Clare has sinced written about articles on various topics from Computers and The Internet, Bad Breath and Fitness. Jeff Clare runs Dog Training News where you can read many more articles on . For more general advice on. Jeff Clare's top article generates over 12100 views. to your Favourites.