Though this may seem like an overwhelming and intimidating task, it is actually much easier than you would think. Children are smarter and more accepting than we give them credit for.
Telling Toddlers For those of us with small children, under the age of 5 or so, the best explanation is the simplest one. When discussing gestational or traditional surrogacy with this young of a child, keep to the basics.
You can explain to your child that the place where mommies carry babies is a womb, and the womb of the intended mother is broken. Let your child know that your womb is not broken, so you are helping the intended mother by carrying her baby for her.
Make sure your child is aware that the baby you are carrying is not yours, is not your child's sibling, and will not be coming home with you. This explanation, while simplistic, is actually very effective.
This conversation may have to be repeated a few times throughout the surrogacy journey. Most children are completely comfortable with the fact that the baby will not be part of the family.
Telling Elementary Aged Children Elementary aged children are quite smart. Whereas you can start your discussion with them in the same simplistic manner you would with younger children, it might be helpful to give a little more details.
Elementary aged children should be able to understand the concepts of reproduction, at least in a limited manner. If you are a gestational surrogate mother, you can explain that the eggs of the mother and the sperm of the father are mixed in a laboratory and then the baby that is created is placed into your womb.
This might seem like too much information for a 7 or 8 year old, but actually, going into this detail will reassure the child that the baby is really not their sibling, and will make the entire journey easier for your child. Kids are a lot more capable of understanding than we give them credit for.
Another way to explain it is the old "baking cookies" method. Explain to your child that the baby is like a cookie and you are like the oven.
The cookie was not made by mommy and daddy, but by the intended parents. You are just baking it.
Telling Teens If you are about to become a surrogate mother and you have teenagers at home, it is best to be completely open about your conversations about surrogacy with them. They should be more than capable enough to understand the science behind the process.
Treat your teens with the same respect that you would treat other, adult, members of your family. Explain in detail what is going to happen, and ask them if they have any questions.
Teens are very accepting, more so than adults. You may find that your teen sees the surrogacy as a burden, but will most likely find that they, and their friends, see it as something very interesting.
All in all, the issue of telling your children about your decision to become a surrogate mother is not that big of a deal. The important part about it is to be honest, and answer questions appropriate to their age.
When it seems that so many things continue to rise, but your paycheck is not one of them then you know that adjustments have to be made somewhere. It is so difficult to cut spending when you are already on a budget that is strained to the max. If you are like so many other people these days, you may be wondering what there is left that you can do.
It is difficult to live on a tight budget when you are single, but when you have children it can be especially hard. There are times when their wants and even needs out weigh what we can afford to give them. If everyone was as smart as they should be, we would all wait until our finances are just right before we bring children into our lives, but we all also know that is just not the reality of a lot of situations.
So, how can we make our lives as good as they can be and live within our means at the same time? With kids, it is true that they really love things. They see so many commercials on television and everyone they see makes them want what is advertised. A good solution for that is less television. It is really better for them anyway. Do more things with your children that are free like community sponsored events, going to parks, hiking, camping, and home projects that interest them. Free things can be as much fun for them and help you spend more quality time with than a twenty dollar toy will provide that will be forgotten by next week anyway.
A lot of families spend more money when you make unplanned trips to stores and more especially when you take the kids with you. If you must go shopping for groceries or other things, limit the number of times you go per week and try not to take the kids if you can help it. It will help you get the task done faster and your impulses to spend on things that are not really necessities will be easier if you do not have to tell the kids no constantly. It really does make it easier for you and it will save you money in the long run.
Something that many parents are doing that can be helpful is sharing some of the financial woes with their kids. Not that they need to know all the hairy details, but letting them be a part of saving for something special and setting examples for good spending and saving practices will hopefully help them be good money managers when they are older. It is never too soon to start learning the real value of a dollar.
Both Rayven Perkins & Rachel Yoshida are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Rayven Perkins has sinced written about articles on various topics from Herpes Cure, Surrogacy and Pregnancy and Family Planning. Rayven Perkins is an author and two-time surrogate mother. To find out more information on surrogacy or how to become a traditional or gestational surrogate mother, please see her site