Do you suspect your teen is in an abusive dating relationship? Some teens feel that having a boyfriend or girlfriend proves their own worth. They may feel so strongly about having a relationship that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. Teens are also highly susceptible to a general and common belief that not having a romantic relationship means there is something wrong mentally, emotionally or physically. Boys and girls can share these same feelings. It is not only girls at risk.
Positive role models in healthy relationships are important for teens to learn the necessary skills in dating relationships. Without positive role models teens may not realize their behaviors in dating relationships are abusive or that they are in an abusive dating relationship. If mom endured pain with dad, this type of scenario can be passed onto teens in their relationships. If dad hit, slapped or yelled at mom, then Charlie will be more likely to slap, hit yell or demean his girlfriend, Suzy. The same goes the other way around, if mom makes all the decisions, and rules the roost so to speak, or decides she can go where she pleases while dad sits home and babysits, then Suzy is more likely to behave much the same in her relationships. Abuse wears many hats and appears in many different faces. Abuse can be subtle or very obvious resulting in broken bones, bruises and even death.
When talking to teens, focus on what healthy relationships are. Partners should respect each other's opinions, decisions and personal privacy. When decisions and choices are to be made both partners should be able to express feelings, desires and wants. It is never healthy for one person to have a great amount of control over another person. Each person needs space for personal and separate identities. No one should have to give up their individuality to be part of a couple. Each partner needs separate time and space to pursue independent activities and engage in other friendships. Healthy relationships have strong foundations of trust and honesty.
Discuss with your teen the reality that a true caring partner is concerned about the well-being of the other partner and wants what is best for that person. A caring partner is able to share joy about the success of the other partner instead of expressing jealousy. A true caring partner will be of support in times of trouble. Define healthy relationships to your teens as being a place where both partners feel safe emotionally and physically.
If you observe teens exhibiting behavior other than mutual respect in dating relationships give them the opportunity to talk about appropriate behavior toward significant others. Any indication of situations escalating into abuse or dating violence should quickly be reported to agencies that can help.
Review some of the tips below to help you build a strong and trusting relationship with teens:
? Always respect your teen. Avoid ridicule or humiliation. If you have more than one teen, avoid playing favorites between them. If you want cooperation, never allow a teen to perceive you do not like him or her.
? It is rude to talk about other people, whether it is family members, a friend, enemies or what have you. Be a role model in showing respect to other adults and everyone.
? In dealing with teens, be sure roles are well established and that it is clear you are the adult.
? Don't pretend to be a teen yourself and just hanging out with other teens. Teens will see right through a pretense. They respect adults who act like adults, and they actually need this more from an adult than one who tries to be just one of the gang.
? If you tell a teen you will do something, by all means keep your word. They in turn will learn to keep their word with you and others. This is setting an example of ?strong character.? Teens need to know they can depend on you in whatever circumstances they face.
? Be patient when trying to build a trusting relationship with a teen. Allow them to bond with you at their own pace.
? Take time to genuinely listen to a teen's concerns and dreams. Develop skills that will help teens to solve their own problems and avoid telling what you think they should do in any given situation.
? Let your teen know you believe in him or her and in their own personal abilities. They will learn to believe in themselves and develop a strong self confidence within themselves.
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Far too often, we hear individuals in abusive relationships seeking to change their partners in order to change their relationship. While it is true that a change in either person will change the overall dynamic of the relationship, changing one's partner is only an option if it is partner-self-initiated.
Rather than holding onto something that is essentially out of one's control—actually not one's business—look to changing what is within your control and is indeed your business: yourself. In working with thousands of patients over the years, the one thing I consistently see is that when people grow to honor and respect their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual space, they have no tolerance for others not doing the same.
Now as I write this, I'm keenly aware of the hair standing up on end for those that are currently struggling in an abusive relationship. Know that I, too, lived there once. And I know that when being battered and remaining entangled in an abusive relationship, on some level, we are failing to hold reverence for that which our abusive partner has scorned.
Thus, I invite you to look within for the revolution. It is from here that lasting change occurs. It is truly from within.
In closing, I leave you with seven secrets to successful survival in an abusive relationship, during and afterwards should the relationship remain abusive.
1) Write—journal daily both your inner world and your outer world.
2) Whole food—nourish your body with that which is truly nourishing.
3) Water—let pure water be your primary beverage and saturate every cell with it.
4) Work-out—find a body strengthening and toning routine and make it a regimen.
5) The Work—when you feel mental and/or emotional distress, open your thoughts to an inquiry until they let go of you and your authentic truth will emerge.
6) Welcome—expect the universe and the individuals in your world to support, honor and respect you.
7) Wholeness—meditate and know the inner well of well-being. How? By cultivating the effortless innocent discipline of letting it in.
If I could tell you which one of these items is most important, I would. However, I'm convinced that each one is an integral part of the healing process. If you are inclined to adopt one of these seven secrets to successful survival in an abusive relationship as a start, meditation is the place to begin. With this, all of the others naturally follow.
Both Connie Limon & Dr Jeanne King Phd are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Connie Limon has sinced written about articles on various topics from Careers and Job Hunting, Dogs and Colon Cleanse. Connie Limon. Visit us at for an extensive list of FREE reprint. Connie Limon's top article generates over 135000 views. to your Favourites.
Dr Jeanne King Phd has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity, Legal Matters and Writing. For more domestic violence survivor success tips and healing insights, visit Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps peo. Dr Jeanne King Phd's top article generates over 6600 views. to your Favourites.