Instead, we should expect misunderstanding. It happens all the time.
Consider the following example.
Jim updated the other officers about plans to present an award to the company owner. "Sue, Jerry and I will meet with Mr. Bigwig at company headquarters Monday morning and give him the award then." Vivian and Peter looked at each other in amazement. "Why are just you three going? We've all worked for a year to get this project off the ground. Peter and I deserve to be there, too." Jim replied, "It doesn't take five of us to give the award. Sue, Jerry and I each have to be there for other reasons. There's no need for you and Peter to show up." Dumbstruck, Vivian said, "Well, we'll be there anyway. You just don't get it, do you?"
Vivian was right. Jim didn't get it, but neither did she. They were each speaking their own separate language. Jim used logic to rationalize that five people were too many. He, Sue and Jerry had other reasons for being at company headquarters. They could do the task.
Vivian, though, wasn't concerned about the logic. She felt all five should be included since they had worked together on the project. She wanted to be sure all contributors were recognized.
This clash in languages created conflict. Conflict in today's world is inevitable, given that each individual has his or her own values, experiences, insights, perceptions, and feelings. Otto Kroeger writes in Type Talk at Work:
There are no good or bad approaches to resolving conflicts; there are only differences. That understanding alone can be liberating and can unlock previously closed doors to resolving problems.
With Jim and Vivian, the conflict led to misunderstanding and some hurt feelings. Such misunderstandings can have more serious consequences. Consider these effects of misunderstanding, from Why Didn't You Say That in the First Place? by Richard Heyman.
* Misunderstanding wastes time and money by causing rework—and maybe rework again.
* Misunderstanding consumes valuable time, which can make projects go over budget.
* Employees who don't understand their job responsibilities waste their time and the company's time.
* Attendees who don't understand a meeting's purpose cost time and money.
* Written documents, such as policy statements or even e-mails, that are misunderstood cost time and money to fix.
"Knowing what causes most misunderstanding and how to prevent it will give us new power to do the best job we can for ourselves and for our organizations," Heyman writes.
Gaining insight with The CommunicationWheel™
We can greatly reduce misunderstanding by learning how individuals communicate. How does a person process information? Does experience affect how a comment is interpreted? What mental framework do individuals have? What communication needs do they have?
One tool that gives us insight into misunderstanding and communication problems is The CommunicationWheel.�" It was developed by Dr. Henry L. Thompson. Dr. Thompson's research into people's communication styles shows that different personalities have different languages, different ways of communicating with others.
Visible differences
The beauty of The CommunicationWheel lies in its simplicity. At the introductory level, the LanguageWheel�" depicts the four different languages that individuals speak: Sensing, iNtuiting, Thinking and Feeling.
The Sensing (12 o'clock) and iNtuiting (6 o'clock) languages are directly opposite. The Sensing person can drive an iNtuiting person out of the room by bombarding him with details. The iNtuiting person can shut down a Sensing person by overloading her with possibilities, thinking out loud, and never getting to the point.
The Thinking (9 o'clock) and Feeling (3 o'clock) languages also are opposites. The Thinking person's need for process and structure can leave the Feeling person feeling hurt. The Feeling person wants that pat on the back, that "Good job!" praise that the Thinking person rarely considers.
Individuals usually prefer two of the four, either Sensing or iNtuiting and either Thinking or Feeling. I, for instance, prefer iNtuiting and Feeling. For most people, one of their two preferences is the style they use most often. I am a raging iNtuitor; I only talk about details when someone requests them. I drive Sensors nuts; they drive me nuts.
The following gives more details about the different languages.
Language Descriptions
Sensing
* Presents information step by step
* Attends to what is said or done
* Wants concrete examples
* Wants practical information
* Gives the bottom line
* Gets right to the point
* Might be abrupt
* Might seem impatient
iNtuiting
* Wants the big picture
* Focuses on concepts
* Might ramble
* Might sound aloof
* Absorbs information quickly
* Likes variety, challenge and creativity
* Can be easily distracted
* Dislikes detail
Thinking
* Presents information logically
* Can be analytical & critical
* Covers the point thoroughly
* Clarifies by questioning
* Tends to be blunt
* Wants a lot of detail
* Likes a formal approach
* Wants organization
Feeling
* Comments are taken personally
* Likes to talk to people
* Trusts and accepts people
* Responds to human values
* Tends to be warm and friendly
* Might overreact to feelings
* Does not go directly to the point
* Has difficulty saying no
How can this help?
Let's go back to the conversation between Jim and Vivian. Jim is a thinker on the wheel; Vivian is a feeler. Jim values logic and analysis. He tends to be blunt and impersonal in conversation. Vivian, on the other hand, values personal relationships and being needed. She is sensitive and takes comments personally.
What might have happened if Jim and Vivian had known about principles presented in The CommunicationWheel? Jim might have realized that Vivian would expect her and Peter to be included in the ceremony as recognition of their contributions. Vivian might have realized that Jim needed a more logical answer as to why all the officers should go. Knowledge of the other's communication style could have helped reduce misunderstanding.
I use The CommunicationWheel to help people in a work setting understand their own communication style and that of others. For example, Sue, the boss, is an iNtuitor who gives very broad direction such as "take care of this." Ralph, a Sensor and the one responsible for "taking care of this," needs specific directions from Sue, such as "do such and such, get feedback from all seven team members and the director, and get back to me by 9 a.m. tomorrow." Sue assumes Ralph understands what she wants done; Ralph gets very frustrated because he can't read her mind. Once Sue and Ralph understand their own styles and needs, they are each empowered to ask for clarification and work toward understanding.
Copyright (c) 2008 Pamela Scott
The key to success is learning how to understand four the different communication styles. The main reason for conflicts with our family, friends, colleagues, and our team members in a home-based business is a "lack of communication". Effective communication skills are essential in our lives and in the home-business industry. More often than not, the problem is a result of a communication breakdown and it is as though each individual is actually speaking their own "unique language".
In this digitally inter-connected world, you'd think we could "fix" such basic differences. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as plugging another device into the system. Maybe they're the problem or maybe you are. We all know difficult people - and, in fact, we can all be the difficult person.
A little background on communication styles, as a key to success, can help us understand the issues and learn how to alter our approach and eventually make life a little easier for both parties.
Learning how to communicate effectively is a key to success and will help us reach financial success. Every time we speak, we choose and use one of four basic communication styles. It is important to learn that only one of them is effective and is the only one as the key to success.
1. Assertive
2. Aggressive
3. Passive
4. Passive-aggressive.
Assertive Communication
The assertive communication style is the most effective and the healthiest form of communication. It's how we naturally express ourselves when our self-esteem is intact; giving us the confidence to communicate without games or manipulation.
When we are being assertive, we work hard to create mutually satisfying solutions and we communicate our needs clearly and forthrightly. We care about the relationship and strive for a "win/win" situation. We know our limits and refuse to be pushed beyond them just because someone else wants or needs something from us.
Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest, and direct way. It recognizes our rights while still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. It is a key to success and it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists. Surprisingly, this assertive is the style most people use LEAST! Isn't this amazing?
Aggressive Communication
Aggressive communication always involves manipulation. We may attempt to make people do what we want by inducing guilt, hurt, by using intimidation, and control tactics (such as anger). Covert or overt, we simply want our needs met--right now! Although there are a few arenas where aggressive behavior is called for (i.e., sports or war), it will never work in a relationship. Ironically, the more aggressive sports rely heavily on team members and rational coaching strategies. Even war might be avoided if we could learn to be more assertive and negotiate to solve our problems.
Passive Communication
Passive communication is based on compliance and hopes to avoid confrontation at all costs. In this mode we don't talk much, question even less, and actually do very little. We just don't want to rock the boat. People that use passive communication styles have learned that it is safer not to react. They lack so much confidence in themselves that it feels better to disappear rather than to stand up, be noticed, and have a voice.
Passive-Aggressive Communication
A combination of styles, passive-aggressive avoids direct confrontation (passive), but attempts to get even through manipulation (aggressive). If you've ever thought about making that certain someone who needs to be "taught a thing or two" suffer (even just a teeny bit), you've stepped pretty close to (if not on into) the devious and sneaky world of the passive-aggressive. People that use this communication style operate out of fear and clearly do not have the courage to stand up and say what they need to say. Therefore, they use the cowardly form of passive-aggressive communication. They are the ones that will smile to your face and then "stab you in the back".
So, now what?
Clearly, for many reasons, the only "HEALTHY EFFECTIVE" communication style is assertive communication. It is the only form of communication that is clearly a "key to success" and an effective communication skill. Surely you can identify many people in your own life that favor each of the four styles. Most of us use a combination of these four styles depending on the person or situation. The styles we choose generally depend on what our past experiences have taught us will work best to get our needs met in each specific situation. If you take a really good look at yourself you've probably used each style throughout your lifetime in different situations with certain people.
Understanding the four basic types of communication will help you learn how to RESPOND most effectively when confronted with a difficult person. It is very important that you always use "SELF-CONTROL" and do NOT "REACT"! This is a skill learned through personal development. When we "react" to someone we have just given our power away! It will also help you to recognize when you are using manipulative behavior to get your own needs met.
Remember, you always have a choice as to which communication style you use. If you're serious about taking control of your life it is best to practice being more assertive. It will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt, and build relationships - both personally and professionally. This is a "key to success" and a principle that requires a high degree of self-confidence and discipline.
Action Steps:
1. To communicate effectively begin to pay attention to which communication styles you use throughout the day. How often do you use a communication style other than "ASSERTIVE"?
2. Watch and identify the communication styles some of the difficult people in your life use. Can you begin to notice how others use manipulative techniques to get their way? Learning communication effectively will increase your success in all of your relationships and it is the only one that is a "key to success".
Both Pamela Scott & Dharmesh are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Pamela Scott has sinced written about articles on various topics from Body Language, Marketing and Communications and Writing. Pam Scott is CEO of Armstrong Scott Inc., the expert in communication and leadership for the engineering world. Her passion lies in helping individuals with interpersonal communications and helping companies with strategic communications. You can now get. Pamela Scott's top article generates over 1900 views. to your Favourites.
Dharmesh has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marketing and Communications. Did you find this article useful? For more useful tips and hints, points to ponder and keep in mind, techniques, and insights pertaining to credit card, do please browse for more information at our websites.. Dharmesh's top article generates over 880 views. to your Favourites.