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Depression is a very real part of chronic back pain. If left to run its course, this fiendish oppressor can transform a well balanced individual into a sullen, surly or even suicidal wreck. You see, pain affects much more than just the physical body. It intrudes into the psyche, into your deepest emotional being. It affects how you feel about yourself and clouds your rational thought process. Add to this the loss of physical capability; maybe you can no longer do the things you once took for granted or no longer provide for your family and suddenly, you’re not only a gimp, but also a failure.
For me, this emotional aspect was the hardest of all to deal with. My whole world had come crashing down. I had never realized how big a part of me my physical capabilities were. I was the kind of guy who could do absolutely anything and do it well. Growing up with three brothers I was very competitive by nature and expected a lot of myself. If I read about something or heard about something I could figure out how to do it myself and in short order would be doing it better than the original inspiration. If something was in my way, I moved it. If something needed done, I did it. I never gave thought to the possibility that I couldn’t do something. My physical strength had always been there and my body had never failed to do anything I asked of it.
Suddenly I found that everything had changed. Now I had difficulty even getting out of bed. A trip to the bathroom was an excruciating journey of epic proportions. My body had let me down!
I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that I couldn’t do the things I’d always taken for granted. And the prospects for the future were not looking good. Nobody seemed to know how to fix me. They began telling me I was just going to have to live with it.
Normally a nice easy going guy, I became a surly bear with the proverbial sore tooth. My wife didn’t do anything right for about a four year period! Poor lady…here was my very best friend in the whole world, trying her best to help me through this ordeal and all I could do was to growl and snap. I take no credit for the fact that we recently celebrated our 22nd anniversary. She is an incredible woman and I love her dearly.
When cornered by pain we often strike out at those who are the closest to us. If you are in this situation I can only encourage you to cling to those around you who love you. They comprise the glue that is going to help put you back together. You will need a support structure if you are going to make it through this. Don’t isolate yourself.
If you find yourself slipping into the realms of depression, find some help. Seek professional counseling or at least find someone you can really talk to. For me personally, I had to get “right" in my head before I could get right in my body. You have to find something to hang on to, some form of hope to cling to, and when you do, hang on for dear life…you will find that you too can beat !