Mediation is one way the courts are trying to cope with the ever increasing divorce rate and courtroom time. Mediation, hopefully, tries to encourage parental cooperation in the battle over custody and visitation rights. A mediator is court appointed and tries to find some middle ground between the divorcing parents and looking out for the best interests of the children.
The bulk of mediation takes place between the two parents with the mediator as a neutral party. It's his job to see that the children are represented in the decisions of visitation, primarily. Sometimes, schools, doctors, events, etc. can be settled at these sessions.
There are several good points for mediation that judges like other than they don't physically have to be present. One is that each party has the opportunity to give his or her suggestions for custody issues and visitation schedules. Both parents feel they have some input, thus relieving hostilities, hopefully.
Most states, however, have a formula that the courts start with, such as every other weekend, which holidays and out-of-school vacation times. Another advantage is having a "neutral" person to alleviate the tensions and forestall arguments that may escalate. By keeping the parents focused on the issues, a parental plan can be formed.
Of course, many people see the mediation process as less stressful than having a set time period before an actual judge in an actual courtroom setting. This makes most common people less prone to speaking out when they should, plus a judge really doesn't want to hear petty arguments of "he said or did" or "she said or did".
Mediators are there to offer suggestions and techniques to the parents that may not have been thought of before. They help work out compromises and alternatives between the parents. Mediators should be experienced in child custody issues and bring understanding to the process.
The needs of an older child are far different than that of a pre-teen child. An older child believes that he shouldn't have to see one parent at a given time because of a judge, whom he doesn't know, orders him to. Mediators explain this sort of behavior to each parent and, hopefully, avoid future suspicions and animosity.
Be sure to look into the possibility of mediation in your area. Ask questions as to who are some of the court mediators being used. Be clear that you want the best interests of your children served and that you will do whatever it takes to ensure their happiness as much as you can.
Do your homework and have a viable plan to present. You have the right to be a part of your children's lives, not just a "meal ticket". Mediation is one of the best methods to ensure that your children grow up to be well-adjusted and happy after your upcoming divorce.
Understanding Winning Custody of your children when you are a divorced dad requires a new way of looking at what Winning really means. For example, let's say that you went to family court, spent $50,000.00 and won custody of your kids. You think "Ahhh, I've won."
What if Mom drags you back into family court eight months later because she doesn't like how you're parenting? You've technically got custody of your kids, but what is that custody actually worth? Who is going to make the decision about your kids?
The judge. In effect the judge, on behalf of the government, has custody of your kids. Why is this good news for you? Even though that the majority of custody orders favor moms and designate "sole custody", the important thing to remember is that her custody in itself is an illusion.
This means that the fight for custody is also an illusion.
Say it out loud: "Custody is an illusion." Just keep repeating that phrase to yourself until understanding starts to sink in.
Use Mom's desire to gain custody as a negotiating chip to get time with your child, when the law is on her side in a custody dispute. When she is faced with getting what she wants for little cost versus having to spend a lot of money, she will likely opt for giving you what you want: TIME with your kids.
Make sure to connect time with your kids to how it benefits the kids. Don't look at it as away to reduce child support. Get time with your kids and get that established. Pay the child support. Once that's established, you can take a look at child support arrangements. If you fight over money, it becomes the main issue. They'll claim that the only reason you want more time is so you can spend less on child support.
The best counter to that argument is: "By your logic, the only reason you want your kids so much is so you can use them to get that child support..." When you go back to court, you must litigate over the right issues. Be a peace maker, not a trouble maker...
BE FOCUSED: Your issue is you want time and influence with your child and it is fully possible to get that without having a custody order.
In many places custody only means the right to make: a)Religious Decisions b)Medical Decisions c)Educational Decisions d)Legal Decisions
For medical, legal and educational decisions, if there is a strong disagreement, the family court judge decides. However, a judge will generally allow both parents to participate in their religion. They will not listen to any objections because, after all, the parents knew or reasonably should have known this might have been a bone of contention when they picked each others as parenting partners.
Most times going back to Family Court is either about child support, alimony, more access time or enforcement of access time. Most divorced dads confuse custody with access or time. Recognize that having custody does not end your problems with parenting time, it only trades one set of difficulties for another.
During my divorce, I wished for a divorce roadmap. That's why we created a weekly telewebcast, to help men like yourself.
If you've lost in Family Court, don't give up. There is always hope. You've likely lost because you didn't understand that winning requires effectively "waging peace" for your children.
If you base your game plan and strategies upon those of successful fathers, you will improve your chances of success immeasurably. You need help from dads who have done what you are trying to do.
Both Gerald Costa & Danny Guspie are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Gerald Costa has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity, Child Custody and Divorce and Infidelity. Gerald Costa has gone through the divorce and child custody process. I put together an ebook to help those that have to go through a divorce where child custody will become an issue. Find out more Family Law, Child Custody and Custody Battle information. Gerald Costa's top article generates over 1000 views. to your Favourites.
Danny Guspie has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity, Debts Loans and Divorce and Infidelity. Danny Guspie - Executive Director of Fathers Resources International can help you learn the successful strategies of fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls at. Danny Guspie's top article generates over 8100 views. to your Favourites.