From the moment you play peek-a-boo with your little baby, you are preparing them for the process of moving away from you and learning about independence. Separation can be a difficult emotion not only for you as a parent but also for your child. As your child matures and gains in confidence, they grow into independent beings and it is important that you prepare them to fly the nest one day
Even in ordinary situations, some children experience some form of worry, apprehension, fear, anxiety or distress. Feeling nervous and anxious occasionally is completely natural for a child when they are faced with an unfamiliar or new situation. From toddler to teens, life is full of challenges and sometimes a natural reaction is for your child to retreat from the situation and to look to you for more reassurance.
During infancy, a baby clings to you when a stranger approaches; in early childhood children often fear new and unfamiliar situations; and as children grow and develop they worry about social acceptance, school performance or finding a group that they can fit into.
These are all normal reactions to life, but what if your child suddenly starts to get headaches, tummy aches or has nightmares about going to school?
School is a place away from home where your child will have some of their greatest successes, challenges, failures and embarrassments. It is at school that your young child learns about how the world works and meets and interacts with people from outside your family, perhaps for the first time.
School is a place beyond your control so of course it can appear stressful and unfamiliar to your child regardless of their age.
It is also where children learn about themselves: their strengths, weaknesses, interests and how they relate to others socially. Children learn to perform in a way they never have to at home and they learn that they are unique, different and separate from you. So, school can appear fun and exciting but also rather daunting and stressful. There are new expectations placed on them whether it is starting school for the very first time or starting secondary school.
Starting school can be an exciting new adventure or a terrifying nerve-racking, nail-biting experience. This may depend on a number of factors.
A small child who has attended a playgroup, or a mother and toddler group may feel more at ease with the new situation as they are used to and more comfortable with, the daily ritual of separation. I remember my son Will walking up the path to his nursery on the first day and striding in confidently to play with the jigsaws. It was me who had to fight back the tears and the strange feeling of rejection, as he didn't seem that bothered to see me go!!! (But we had been going to the Mother and Toddler afternoons throughout the summer to get him used to the BIG DAY!!)
It can also depend on your child's character, their ability to handle change or whether their friends are going to be joining them.
I really believe your attitude is of vital importance to this "Big Day" moment. If you appear nervous, anxious, worried, over-protective or guilty your child notices your tension and will react to it with anxiety, reluctance and hesitancy.
So, prepare yourself for the "Big Day" by being interested, supportive, and encouraging.
Here are some positive parenting pointers
Talk to your child about what to expect - the activities (if it is nursery or reception - the snacks, milk-time, story time or quiet time, the routines, the toys and the noise of other children) if it is starting Secondary school, the anxiety of finding their way around the maze of a larger building, the new homework expectations, the new friend issues, the new timetable or the new route home on the bus.
Take your child to the nursery, school, or secondary school to get the feel of the place and to get used to the lay out or the journey. With younger children, the place where they go to the toilet or hang their coat is of great importance to them and can really help them relax during their early days in a new environment. Let your younger child know that it's perfectly normal to feel nervous and worried about being away from you for a little while and get them to think of a familiar object or toy they could bring in with them for a short while until they get used to the changes. I remember when I first taught in Reception a Mum taking her daughter's hand and kissing the back of it and saying "Now you have my kiss so pop it into your pocket and when you miss me you can take it out again and give yourself a kiss from Mummy all over again" I saw her doing that only twice over by the sandpit during the morning!!
Think of some of your own personal ideas to diminish your child's anxiety.
Find a "buddy" or special friend who your child could go in with or pal around with during the new experience. I remember the Mums at my children's school got together in the summer holidays in one their gardens to have a BBQ where the kids chatted, played and got used to being with each other. It was in a pleasant, relaxed atmosphere where it was safe and familiar so it was a really positive and fun experience for everyone. It helped the transition into the school environment later that month.
Make the school ritual relaxed by laying out the school clothes or making the sandwiches the night before and getting your child involved in helping with the process. It helps take away some of the anxiety and is an opportunity for listening and chatting through little or big niggles.
What to do if your child has difficulties
Stay for a little while for the first day or two but always talk to your child's teacher first about this, as some Reception teachers don't always like this idea. As your child feels more comfortable, make your stay shorter and shorter and then just stay long enough to say goodbye properly. I found children's tears dried up within minutes once they got stuck into the Playdoh or toy cars while poor old Mum or Dad went home or to work feeling awful all day when really their child forgot all about feeling blue very quickly.
Be firm about attending school and don't "give in" to staying at home. That sends the wrong message and really is making a rod for your own back!
Always come back on time so your child can feel secure and safe knowing you are waiting for them with a smile and a lovely greeting. With older children don't always bombard them with questions like "Well, how was it?" Let them relax and talk about it in their own time and just greet them with a smile and an "It's good to see you".
Always reassure and be accepting of your child's worries and concerns. Always acknowledge your child's feelings as it shows respect to their genuine emotions and it gives you an opportunity to help them learn to cope with new experiences positively.
Always stay positive and try to relax even if your child reverts to thumb sucking, clinginess, and bedwetting or having nightmares. These behaviours are usually only temporary setbacks and remember that you are creating a blueprint for how your child handles change throughout their lives.
Encourage your older child to ask for help if they get lost, or don't understand their homework - encourage them to realise everyone is in the same boat and is only too keen to help. Encourage your child to see Secondary School as a "Human Zoo" and not necessarily as a "Wild Jungle" - a place with lots of interesting animals and where the zookeepers are there to help them - not just to contain them!!!!
I hope you and your child grow, change and laugh and learn together through the exciting but sometimes scary time of starting school and with your patience, understanding and love you find it a rewarding and positive experience for both of you.
The Japanese video game industry, particularly the eroge segment of it, has produced some odd storyline and characters over the years. Games of this sort, generally labeled as ?dating sims? by unaware Western audiences, have a set of stock character archetypes that developers tend to inevitably draw upon. Games of this sort also tend to be set in idyllic, happy high school settings, far removed from the social anxiety and performance anxiety that Japanese youths feel during that age. Games that deviate from the formula do appear, but they hardly make a major impact. That was the case until 0verflow, a moderately known eroge developer, came out with ?School Days.?
Eroge players from inside and outside Japan have praised ?School Days? for two reasons. First, it took the risk of being the first fully-animated game of this sort. This move is sometimes seen as a result of the status anxiety that developers have felt since eroge games have started to be converted into animation by Japanese networks. However, it is the second reason for the praise that has people talking about the game a full year after the initial release.
That second reason is that, barring three of the 21 different endings available in the game, characters act with the same social anxiety and status anxiety problems that Japanese teenagers experience. In fact, aside from the occasional reference to performance anxiety on Japan's infamously difficult standardized tests, the characters could be of virtually any nationality or culture. The realistic depiction is heavily focused on the emotional turmoil of the game's multiple possible story arcs, depending on the player's decisions at certain points of the game.
Central to the story of ?School Days? is the main character, Makoto, whose actions are actually controlled by the player by determining the courses of action throughout the story. Aside from being considered as one of the most impulsive, hated, and unlikable lead characters the genre has ever produced, Makoto is also a representation. He is an aloof loner, a well-meaning loser, or an overachieving Romeo. He represents the average, hormone-controlled teenage male, thrust into a situation involving two (possibly more, depending on the player's actions) attractive females. He also showed mild signs of status anxiety early on in his relationship with one of the lead females, well aware of her family having a higher social status than his.
Players and critics have also praised Kotonoha, one of the lead females, for being among the most realistic and developed members of the cast. Her character initially starts out showing the same signs of social anxiety that many Japanese girls feel, particularly if there is something about them that makes them stand out immediately. In Kotonoha's case, as pointed out by several other characters, it was the fact that her bust size was larger than the average Japanese girl's. She also suffers from a form of performance anxiety in certain routes in the game when she feels her relationship is threatened, consciously questioning whether she is performing her role as a girlfriend properly. She also exhibits signs of status anxiety, seemingly uncertain of where she stood after the revelation that her boyfriend, the aforementioned Makoto, was cheating on her.
It is difficult to explain the realism of the game, as that would involve explaining the nature of how the game is played. Since there are multiple endings and multiple in-game ?routes? by which those endings can be achieved, the task is a complex one. However, ?School Days? shines because the characters stay true to their personalities, exhibiting the natural evolutions of their own unique psychological make-ups as the story goes along. The game, like life, shows little mercy to the characters on certain routes.
While extreme, three of the possible resolutions are still arguably realistic. Since events in the game, when applied to the real world, can result in severe emotional and psychological instability, it is arguable that the violent resolutions are also realistic. After all, given the right combination of psychological factors, the possibility of temporary insanity, and emotional instability, and even a sweet schoolgirl can commit murder.
Both Sue Atkins & Alexis are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Sue Atkins has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family, Self Esteem and Family Concerns. Sue Atkins is a Master NLP Practitioner and Trainer and a former Deputy Head and mother of two teenage children. She has written many books on self esteem, toddlers and teenagers and has a collection of Parenting Made Easy Toolkits available from her webs. Sue Atkins's top article generates over 18100 views. to your Favourites.
Alexis has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marketing and Communications, Health and Yoga Practice. Read more articles at Your One Stop Shop Pharmacy is here. Alexis's top article generates over 823000 views. to your Favourites.