As you begin pulling out those receipts, the eraser and reading plain English tax instructions that Einstein couldn't figure out, you're going to need a good laugh. Here you go:

1. I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.

2. People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.

3. Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.

4. The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

5. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.

6. A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.

7. Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.

8. What's the difference between a mosquito and an IRS agent? One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

9. It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required.

10. The government deficit is the difference between the amounts of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

11. Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension

12. What Mae West said about sex is true about taxes. All tax cuts are good tax cuts; even bad tax cuts are good tax cuts,

13. The federal income tax system is a disgrace to the human race. - Jimmy Carter

If nothing else, it is good to know that a former President of the United States feels the same way about taxes as you. If only someone would agree to a flat tax, millions of Americans could dispense with the aggravation and stress of filing taxes each year.