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[S117]Save The Marriage Ebook
by Gary Crow, Gar
Think of your marriage as a triangle with lovers, friends, and partners as its sides. Love, then, is the force that binds the sides together, the key to richness and risk, danger and opportunity; and you are the guardian of the key. But, what happened? You used to be friends, knew what kind of reactions you were going to get from each other and how things would go. Your world wasn't always rosy; but the two of you could handle it. When things weren't going well, you talked about it. You worked it out; but lately both of you are tied up in knots. You are always on edge; and you could cut the tension with a knife. Any more, you don't even go through the motions of caring about each other's feelings or acting like you care what is being said. It's just one of those things; but if your friendship's going down the tube isn't anyone's fault, then nurturing your friendship wasn't anyone's responsibility.

Your partnership is a shared responsibility too and can go down the tube with your friendship; so what happened? You used to be great partners, would talk and decide together what was important, what your priorities were. You were always up-front with each other about what you thought about things and were open to the other's ideas and opinions. You didn't always agree but it worked.

If there were problems, you worked them out and didn't blame or accuse or threaten. You were a team, always found a solution you both could live with; but you were trying a little harder, gave a little more, and were more responsible than your partner. That wasn't fair and is why you quit trying. Oh well, it's just another one of those things, even though you know that when either of you gives up on your partnership, that is all she wrote, as they say.

It may be all she wrote for your being lovers as well. You know how it goes. It's just one of those things. Sure, it used to be magic. You and your lover each knew what the other wanted, how to scratch the itch, so to speak. Love making was passion at its best and most intense. You were considerate of each other's feelings, each other's needs. No one was in charge, no one gave more or got less. It wasn't that kind of thing anyway. It was magic and you took turns being the magician; but one thing lead to another and then to another and it was gone; but now you finally get it, even if a bit late. Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, love is in the heart of the one who is loved. That is why when you feel the magic slipping away, you need to concentrate more on being a better lover than on being loved better. Dinah Shore really was right when she said, "Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough."

Tinnitus may be driving you crazy but it also affects (or infects) everyone around you. Many marriages cannot withstand this kind of adversity. You need to know what you can do to prevent your marriage from breaking down. This article may help.

If you have tinnitus (ringing ears), like I do, my experience tells me that you likely have a great deal of difficulty with relationships. Why? Because not only does the tinnitus drive you crazy, it can also make feel very much alone. You feel isolated because it often feels like no one can understand your suffering.



The doctors don't really seem to understand. Your friends and co-workers don't understand. And, most importantly it seems like your family doesn't understand. You feel like no one can possibly understand and therefore you tend to lash out at the people closest to you.



You need to be aware that the ones you love are equally suffering right along side of you. You need to know that they feel just as helpless as you do because they know there is nothing they can do. They want to save you from your private torture chamber, but they can't. All they can really do is hold the space while you try and figure out your next course of action.



And so, you are faced with a choice. You can continue on your present course and hope for a different result. That's what many people do. The do the same things day after day and always get the same result. Or, you can actually begin to learn what works in reducing your tinnitus volume. In order for me to share what I have learned after 7 years with tinnitus, I need to tell you a little bit about my story.



I had been happily married for 8 years before I got tinnitus. When I did get the Tinnitus it almost drove my wife and I to divorce. My marriage was not simply strong enough to withstand that kind of pressure. The reason for this was that our marriage, at that time, was based mostly around romantic love. This kind of love cannot withstand serious challenges because romantic love is like a drug. Your body produces chemicals that make you to feel euphoric, energetic and great. It's the equivalent to experiencing a natural high. But, when that drug wears off; everything bad that you felt before you took the drug returns.



So, along with my tinnitus came an opportunity to learn what real love is. And, as I gained more knowledge, our love grew into something much deeper than romantic love. It grew into a spiritual partnership. Gary Zukav (author of Seat of the Soul) defines Spiritual Partnership as "a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth".



Unfortunately many people are addicted to romantic love. They continue to seek it with no understanding that they are addicted to an illusion. When you fall out of romantic love you think love is gone, but it's really only the illusion that is gone. In order for any relationship to evolve beyond romantic love, both partners must evolve as human beings.



For my wife Nancy and I, Tinnitus was a beacon in our life experience to help us work towards that evolution. As we evolved as human beings, we evolved in our partnership. And, as I learned more about spiritual partnerships, the more I was able to heal the emotional, spiritual, mental parts of myself. Then my physical world, including the world of tinnitus, began to change. It was an awakening of sorts. You can learn to do this by becoming aware of your thought processes, your internal dialogue, your physical habits and your emotions. Awareness is the key.



As our marriage got stronger, my tinnitus diminished. We discovered a deeper sense of identity, a greater feeling of spiritual connectedness and purpose and a renewed commitment to both our personal growth and to service. With that said, in order for your relationship to evolve, both partners must be willing partners and commit to their own personal evolution for the partnership to grow. Remember, it takes equal partners.



You can actually choose to allow tinnitus to remind you that you need to get beyond where you are at now and align yourself with a higher purpose. You are now being compelled, by force, to find your greater self and to heal yourself. And once you do, you will notice a greater quality of life all around you. Your relationships will change, your marriage will get stronger, your kids will be drawn closer to you, and everything and everyone around you will change for the better. It all starts with the realization that tinnitus is here as a beacon in your life for you to learn to be a happier person, a better spouse and a true friend to all those you encounter.

Article Source : Pg. 148

About Author
Both Gary Crow & Paul Tobey are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Gary Crow has sinced written about articles on various topics from Skin Care, Social Issues and Software. Gary A. Crow, Ph.D. is the Executive Editor of Leadership Village Press and Leadership Village, a network of sites focusing on leadership, personal success, interpersonal excellence, family and parenting matters, and related topics. You can find contact i. Gary Crow's top article generates over 74000 views. to your Favourites.

Paul Tobey has sinced written about articles on various topics from Public Speaking, Tinnitus Treatment and Education. Paul Tobey is a professional concert pianist and motivational speaker who dramtically reduced the volume of his without drugs or medical intervention.. Paul Tobey's top article generates over 450000 views. to your Favourites.
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