My sixteen-year-old daughter and I are very close. I believe in establishing trust between a mother and a teenage daughter early on, because she lets me into her world and I have the opportunity to know all her friends and guide and advise her without much friction. She actually values my opinion and is an amazing kid all around - but still a kid. The difficult part is striking the balance between being a friend and still remaining a parent. I think I manage okay most of the time, but sometimes a parent needs some extra help; I get mine from an occasional reverse phone lookup.
Lately I've been worried about the company she keeps. She - of course - is too mature for the boys her age and sets her sights on older guys. Uh-oh. I tell her it's a whole different game, and older men have different expectations. She knows the only thing I want to prevent is having her heart broken, but she is a lot tougher than I was at her age. Still, I must protect her.
I am about to do what I thought I'd never do: snoop. She's been seeing this guy after school - a friend of a friend and three years her senior. She likes him because he treats her like an equal - what does that entail? Who is this dude? I am going to run a reverse phone lookup to find out the details of his life and determine if he can and should be trusted; or else I'll tell her father to meet him with a BB gun the next time he comes over.
I check her cell phone and see the myriads of texts she exchanges with him during the day. I am not going to read the content; it's not what I am after. I just want to make sure he is not a juvenile delinquent, a child predator, a drug dealer, a rapist ... you get the gist of it. I just want to check if the dude has criminal records, or if he is a good wholesome fella like she says he is.
Let's see now. Yep, the cell phone is his own, not in his parents' name, but looks like he has parents and they are both seemingly respectable individuals. He appears to have a job, like he says. He has no criminal record, and is going to a good college ... looks pretty good, I guess. Well then, now I know we should give this boy a chance. The rest is up to my daughter. She knows no one can push her to do anything she is not comfortable with, and that's going to have to be good enough for me. My work here is done. Thanks for the reassurance, reverse phone lookup.
Horse showing provides many opportunities to parent and raise a healthy teenager. My best listening opportunities occur when my daughter and I travel to and from horse shows. We're both feeling nervous anticipation on the trip out each morning, but I've discovered it's an ideal time to find out what's uppermost in my daughters mind. Surprisingly during this time, what she's thinking about often has little to do with horse showing. In fact, most times it has to do with school or friend situations. More recently, her mind is occupied with thoughts about her relationship with her boyfriend.
The trip home after the show can be a little trickier depending on how the show day has gone. Whether she's feeling the thrill of having done very well and is satisfied with her accomplishments or whether she's disappointed at having missed a distance or a lead change that ruined a class, my listening skills at this juncture need to be more fine-tuned than ever. I usually end up serving as her sounding board, helping her celebrate her wins, or helping her work through her own disappointment at what she did poorly or incorrectly. I also try to bolster her confidence by reminding her that tomorrow is another day with more chances to improve her riding. When things don't go as we hope, I want her to know that losing is a part of life and that hard work is an important part of competition.
Teachable moments happen all the time. We may observe how someone treats a groom early in the morning or watch when a family pays a name trainer to stand at the gate at a national horse show. Whether we believe the judging to be fair and good or fair yet difficult, both situations provide great conversation starters about the fairness of life and doing your best. We've observed that drugging seems rampant back in the show tents, and it makes us wonder what price someone will pay to win a competition. What about a situation we've all seen -- when parents blast a trainer at the gate when their rider does not perform well? Or, what about the role of money and financial abundance and how wealth is displayed or flaunted at a show? Being witness to these types of situations gives my daughter and me the opportunity for a frank discussion back at the barn or on the trip home. Last year we went to the National Horse Show in West Palm Beach and had a series of experiences that left us with many conversation starters, especially when she was awarded a reserve that was then taken away a month later.
Communicating our family's values has become an essential priority for my husband and me. We've communicated our thoughts about ethics, sportsmanship, and the value of competition in an effort to help our daughter keep perspective. Think of a typical weekend with all of the situations you observe and conversations you overhear in the show tents, the schooling area, and in front of the show ring. The challenge when witnessing these situations is to take them and turn them into learning experiences for our children. Adult behavior is not always at its best at a horse show. How many of us board in barns where petty gossip and hurtful comments are made?
It is not always easy to hold a conversation with a teen, especially one facing competition. Appropriate timing is essential. Seek out those rare moments of when they're open and ready to listen, as this mindset will make all the difference in the success of the conversation. Age is also a determining factor, as a conversation with a 13-year old is very different than one with a 17-year old. Each child develops and matures at her own pace, so it becomes our job as parents to find age-appropriate ways to communicate with her.
Participating in sports has shown to be a good thing for adolescent girls and boys. Athletic events provide a playing field for learning a number of important lessons like learning to win and lose, managing defeat, working with a team, and the responsibility of hard work. Horse showing with our daughters provides us with the opportunity to transform sports situations into real life lessons.
Both Quinn Martinez & Kathy Keeley are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Quinn Martinez has sinced written about articles on various topics from Pets, Shoes and Health Insurance. Check out more on. Quinn Martinez's top article generates over 74000 views. to your Favourites.
Kathy Keeley has sinced written about articles on various topics from Pets, Pets and Partnerships. Veteran show mom Kathy Keeley is founder of ShowMom.com, the first online community created especially for horseshow mothers and daughters who want to learn how to successfully navigate the horseshow circuit and maintain a great mother-daughter relationsh. Kathy Keeley's top article generates over 6600 views. to your Favourites.