I'm not one to tolerate stupidity in any of it's forms. Actions and words that haven't been properly thought out before they're thrown into a social situation are nails on a blackboard to me. That's why, above all else, I cannot stand kids. What's the appeal of having a drunken midget plowing into your valuables and creating a scene when their inferior, developing bladders burst at the seams?
I don't know about you, but every time I see a bratty kid demand another today from his weak willed mother, I feel like jumping on him without showing the same shoe removal courtesy as I do to a trampoline. I know what you're thinking: "They're G-d's little miracle", "You were a kid too." Firstly, something that never shuts up and is constantly running into things isn't "a miracle", it's that drunk guy at the party whom everyone wishes would just go home. Secondly, I was never a child. I sublimated into adulthood after I realized that crappy macaroni art and making a scene at department stores isn't getting me on anyone's good side.
I'm sorry for depressing you, Mrs. Soccer Mom. Now you'll have to get yourself some Prozac when you pick up your kid's Ritalin. Don't be too glum; there's hope for you yet. The next time your kid acts up, show 'em the stiff side of your belt. Nothing says: "I love you but I want you to shut the fuck up" like the smack of leather followed by the sting of a belt buckle. That's right, beat the shit out of your kids, they'll thank you for it later. Until next time; help control the child population by getting yourself spayed or neutered. Peace out, suckas.
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SMS service providers like Google SMS offer a growing range of hugely useful services straight to your mobile. For starters you can now access travel, stock market prices, cinema times, up to the minute currency conversion rates, to name just a few.
To effectively use these state of the art services you will have to remember the commands that are necessary in order to receive the information you're after. To use an example, to get what you want from Google's dictionary service, your text to Google SMS should read "Define" in front of the word whose meaning you seek. A further instance occurs if you want information about a local business, first you have to text the name of the business, or category, such as "garage? followed by the postcode or name of the city you are searching in. Thankfully, for those of us who haven't quite managed to remember all the particular commands off by heart, there's help out there ? and true to form it comes via SMS! A simple ?tips? or ?help? sent via text, and you'll soon receive a text back giving you all the info you require.
And if you're a current affairs fan you'll be able to receive news alerts on any subject you wish, such as the latest football scores or the latest celeb gossip, so you'll never miss out Or why not sign up for a word or joke of the day service- to give you some small talk for the office. Or you can receive alerts from online recruitment sites, as well as receiving up to the minute info about an eBay item you've listed, or an auction item you're bidding on.
If you're travelling by air, you can have the latest departure and arrival times and delays sent direct to your mobile handset by text message, just by texting your airline and flight number to your SMS service provider. If you'd prefer to receive flight updates automatically, you could always just sign up to a service such as FlightStats, set up some flight alerts, and have up to the minute travel info about delays or cancellations sent direct to your cell phone, and can also let you know when a flight has landed.
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