Every time an attractive, elderly woman who looks fantastic is in the room, everyone always assumes that they have had some sort of procedure done. With the medical advances of today, and the growing knowledge of how to protect against the signs of aging, maybe we should give them a break. With what we have learned about the necessity of nutrition and SPF lotions the signs of aging can be reduced dramatically and naturally. With proper hydration and the quiting of smoking, many females have realized that they should not have to endure the pain of wrinkles. Yet innately, we have a tendency towards doubting a women's ability to grow old beautifully. It is bizarre that as a society we do not feel the same about men. Men, have long been thought to look more established as they grow old. The addition of gray hair and the initial signs of aging are said to make men more attractive. In fact, most women have been frustrated by the fact as they age, their husbands grow seemingly more attractive to women, especially less mature ones. This double standard is one of the most strangest of our time. Is it due to the fact that men have a tendency to adjust better to growing old? Or perhaps the difference rests in the fact that in general men are not as focused on aging and as a result remain confident. Men may not be as attuned to the alterations their face is enduring. It is a proven fact that most women encounter confidence issues as wrinkles begin to form on their faces. But the fact still remains that wrinkles are developing and confidence only can not explain this phenomenon. Whatever the explanation is, recent years have shown a large increase in both men and women gravitating towards non prescription anti aging products. With opinions being what they are about men, researchers did not expect to see males leading the surge on the use of these products, but in fact they are. Stores have found that the consuption of cream to minimize wrinkles has become increasingly popular with men. In fact just a couple years ago, many anti aging companies did not even advertise towards men and today men make for over 53% of anti wrinkle purchases nation wide. Women too, have demonstrated an increase in the purchasing of anti wrinkle products. Some of this may be caused by the fact that there have been major medical breakthroughs in the reduction of wrinkles over the past 3 years. And perhaps it is an indication of the slowed economy, women who used to participate in cosmetic surgery are now spening their dollars on creams and serums, rather than shots and surgeries. It seems that while the public may treat men and women differently when it comes to growing old, men and women both share the wish to eliminate the signs of aging. And the use of anti wrinkle products is definately a way to narrow the gap, an avenue for men and women to age gracefully, together.
WHY? Because when we are little girls, our dad's are mysterious to us. We usually don't spend as much time with our fathers as we want to, don't get to know our dad's at a "real" level. We sometimes don't think they are human because they don't share their fears or hurts with us. When we grow up, we think that's just how men are. It seems normal. So we become accepting of "unavailable, closed, self-righteous" behavior. We don't expect our man to act normal, open, healthy, warm, sharing. But we should.
What Our Father's Did *Never let us know them, because they hid their emotions. *Faked strength, leading us to believe that men are stronger than women. *Taught us to have low expectations of men. *Taught us that being close to a man means being controlled by him. *Taught us that men are insensitive and don't hurt easily, when they are really just afraid of their emotions. *Set us up to look for that strong man we thought our father was. *Didn't know how to relate to us once we became women. *Tried to overprotect us which made us dependent on them and men in general.
What You Need to Do: 1) Find the Crack in His Armor: Look at your dad realistically. Is he perfect? Make a list of his flaws, both as a human being and in raising you. Use this information to start thinking of him as "just another human being, flaws and all."
2) If he judges, criticizes, or acts self-righteous with you, use information from your list to let him know that he has no right to do that -- that his life isn't perfect either and that you don't think like he does or want to be like him.
3) Separate yourself emotionally and financially from him. If you are taking money from him, it is hard to stand up to him and try to have an equal relationship, as he does have a right to be in your business. If you are still emotionally tied in, telling him all of your issues and crises, he will continue to believe that you are too weak to run your own life.
4) Express yourself when you disagree with him instead of going along trying not to rock the boat. You must speak up to develop your own identity and personality. This helps you know who you are. People who don't usually have 2 sets of values: the ones they really believe and the ones they think they should believe. These people are easily intimidated by others because they are never clear with themselves. Stand up for your own beliefs.
5) Pull away, hang up, or walk away when you are not being treated respectfully by him, and tell him why.
6) Confront your father about your issues. My client Sheri did just that. Here's her letter confronting her father about her issues with him. {You can write a letter or confront in person. Sometimes a letter is better because you can get it all out without him stopping you. Also, if he has passed away, you still need to write the letter.} "Dear Dad, First of all I want you to know that the reason I have not visited you on my last two vacations is that I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid of relying on you and being emotionally abandoned by you again. What I mean is that I remember a little girl who was adored by you. But as I grew up you were wrapped up in your own life, and I never saw you. I spent a lot of time alone and lonely for your love.
My relationship with you as I grew up has directly impacted my relationships with men. I want the attention of a man so bad that I become obsessed with him to the point I lose myself, and I stay in relationships that don't work. I'm attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable to me, just like you were. I always try to force a relationship, trying to make the man love me, just like I tried with you. It didn't matter how good my grades were or what I did, I couldn't get you to pay attention to me. When the man pulls away from me, like you did, I become nonfunctional. I call in sick to work, become reclusive, go into an emotional coma, and lose sleep because I can't control or second-guess what a guy will do.
At some level, because I feel I lost your love, I fear I'm not good enough to love. I'm ashamed of who I am, so I fear letting the real Sheri out for fear I'll be rejected. I settle instead for being needed and do things I said I would never do to try to win a man's love and approval. I humiliate myself.
I know some of the things I've said here are going to hurt, and I'm sorry. I'm not bringing all of these hings up just to hurt you. I want and need you to come to me, and get to know me, and to tell me I am important to you. When you still make excuses to me about not coming to visit me because of money or layover, it hurts. It makes me feel unimportant. I am grateful that you are a hard worker and that you were a good provider, but I feel I don't know you very well, and I want you to try to get to know me.
We can't change the past, but we can become friends now, can't we? I need you to try now because it's not too late. Love, Sheri"
Why It Works Most people don't believe me: that cleaning up issues with their father will change their lives and the way they relate to the men they date and marry. But it is true. Not only did I do it in my own life, but I've now had hundreds or thousands of women/clients in my practice who have, and are now living happier and healthier lives with men who adore them. It has even helped them handle their male bosses and other men in their lives in a better way. When we are no longer afraid of or intimidated by our fathers, there are very few people that can scare us.
Look at the list above under, "What you need to do," and imagine handling your boyfriend or husband in the same way. If you don't handle him this way, then that tells you that you need to clean up issues with your father, so that you can be stronger in the way you handle men in your life.
Just remember: "You can't have a relationship any healthier with your husband (or boyfriend) than you do with your father."
Both Jan Wilson & Carolyn Bushong are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Jan Wilson has sinced written about articles on various topics from Aging, Anti Wrinkle Cream and Aging. Jan is a skin care consumer review reporter and contributing editor for sites.. Jan Wilson's top article generates over 18100 views. to your Favourites.
Carolyn Bushong has sinced written about articles on various topics from Tax, Family and Dating and Romance. Carolyn Bushong, a Denver,CO licensed therapist, helps couples and singles in her office, on-line, by phone. Author of: Loving Him Without Losing You, Bring Back the Man You Fell in Love With, The 7 Dumbest Relationship Mistakes. Has appeared on Oprah.. Carolyn Bushong's top article generates over 6600 views. to your Favourites.