Has the subject of getting married come up a lot lately? Does it seem like everyone is talking about when you should take the plunge except you? And while you like the idea of a fun and meaningful LDS wedding, you're just not sure that you are ready to make that sort of life long commitment. But how do you know when is best?
Currently men marry at 27 on average; while for women its 25. Age, however, should not be the deciding factor in a decision to stop being a LDS Single and become a LDS Bride. Believe it or not the overwhelming feeling of soul searing love is also probably not a good reason to get hitched. The union of two people in matrimony is a serious responsibility and deciding if you are ready should be a serious undertaking.
Of course, most couples want that heady moment when one of them - still generally the man - proposes. However, before that event comes a couple should already have had deep discussions about important matters which will be central to their life together.
Many people think of matrimony as a romantic event and focus a lot of attention on the wedding. But of course, the wedding celebration is only the beginning of spending your life together. Many wise couples now choose to have counseling before they formally commit to each other so that any potential differences can be raised and dealt with beforehand. There are many issues which could potentially cause unhappiness in a marriage - money, beliefs, parenting, political views - and they need to be openly discussed in a calm way before they arise rather than uncovered in the heat of an argument.
If the question of a long term commitment hasn't yet arisen in your relationship but you feel that is the path you are heading towards then rather than getting caught up in the giddy excitement of it all, take the opportunity to pause and reflect on your relationship. Think about how your beloved makes you feel, how supportive they are when things don't go well, and whether they encourage you to explore who you are.
Consider too whether your beliefs on bedrock issues coincide. Marriage is about more than a beautiful face or a sexy body. When it comes time to decide if your mutual children are going to public school or private religious school you might be surprised at how big an argument opposing thoughts can engender.
Don't wait until your partner asks you to marry them before you think about whether they are the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Think about it now and start talking to them about the bigger life issues to see what their views are. Similarly don't ask your partner to marry you just because others are pressuring you to do so. There is no magic age that guarantees you a happy and enduring marriage. Love is important in any marriage but for the union to last, there must also be a healthy dose of respect and trust.
Young girls often fantasize about their wedding day. They imagine the handsome groom, the pretty flowers, and especially the beautiful gown. If you have ever draped a pillowcase over your head like a bridal veil, I am speaking to you! It is easy to get swept up in the romance of imagining a fairy tale wedding, and forget about the marriage that (hopefully) lasts for a lifetime afterwards. Be sure that you are ready for the marriage, not just the wedding, before you take that stroll down the aisle.
Immaturity has caused many a young woman in love to leap into marriage too quickly. Sometimes the young man is not the right person for her long term, or sometimes he is, but they are too young to make such a serious commitment. It is important to understand the "forever" that comes after the excitement of the honeymoon is past, as well as to have a realistic view of the daily routine of marriage.
Some signs that you may not be ready to be married are:
- You are too young to drink at your wedding. - You think that butterfly tattoos would be a better gift for your attendants than classic pearl bridesmaid jewelry (hint: the pearl bridesmaid jewelry is timeless; a tattoo on your tush is not!). - You spend sixth period doodling "Mrs. Joe Smith" on your algebra notebook. - You never let him see you without your makeup. - Your mother has to tell you to take the gum out of your mouth before walking down the aisle. - You are getting married to escape your parents' house. - You think that your marriage will be as perfect as the ones in the movies.
Marriage is wonderful if both people have an understanding of its meaning. The commitment to your relationship will deepen your love and strengthen your bond with your spouse. There is also a feeling of security that comes with marriage, as well as the pleasure of becoming part of a new family (hopefully you get along well with your in-laws!).
Indications that you are ready for marriage include:
- You both share the same hopes and plans for a shared future. - You would move across the country with him without a second thought. - You are comfortable letting him see you when you look and feel a mess (if he takes good care of you when you are sick - he is a definitely a keeper.) - You are excited about the wedding, but realize that it is only one day, and marriage is a lifelong commitment.
Some religions require engaged couples to take a test before the wedding to determine their compatibility. It may seem silly, but at least it is a way to make sure that couples become aware of any serious differences they may have before it is too late. There is a reason why a year long engagement is beneficial, beyond just being able to get into a popular venue. If you and your fiance know each other very well before the wedding, you will be getting off to a good start for a long and happy life together.
Both Jill Brennan & Johan Krost are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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