I was reminded this week of a wonderful story told by Dr. Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite inspirational writers and speakers. Dr. Dyer has been featured on Public Television recently talking about inspiration. In his presentations, he shares this remarkable story about how an African tribe handles misconduct within the tribe. Instead of attacking the person and focusing on what they did wrong, the entire tribe lovingly gathers around the accused person. Then for days, or how ever long it takes, each individual in the circle takes turns saying one admirable thing about the person in the middle. This goes on until everyone has said all the sincerely positive words they want to share. Because of this practice, as you can imagine, repeat offenses are rare.

Dr. Dyer related the story in reference to how he dealt with the drug abuse problem of one of his daughters. At one point the family forced the daughter to listen as other family members reported how much her behavior was "hurting" the rest of them. Sharing their hurt and anger, of course, did not change the situation.

Dr. Dyer frequently talks about "what you focus on is what expands". When he realized that he was not following his own wisdom and that the family was focusing on all the things the daughter was doing wrong, he knew they had to shift their focus. Taking what he had learned from the African tribe and his own teachings, the family shifted to sharing all the many wonderful things they loved about the daughter. They focused on the very best part of her and as that part "expanded", the addiction problem went away.

Is there someone in your life, (child, sibling, spouse, partner, co-worker, friend, neighbor, etc), that you are thinking about from a negative point of view? Are you constantly pointing out to them, their shortcomings or talking behind their backs to others about them? If you had to make a list of at least ten positive things about this person right now, what would you write down?

Are you ready to try a new approach? Take the challenge to shift your focus and look for what's good in the person. Make your list and share it with them. If you start to slip back into negative thoughts, re-focus by mentally reviewing your list. Then smile as you watch the results! And a side benefit is you will feel better!

Vicki Miller, CUCG, PCC
Copyright August 2006