This morning after my children left for school, I walked into the bathroom and saw clothes all over the floor. Needless to say I was not impressed. Rebekah had forgotten (yet again) to pick up her clothes after having had a shower. I thought about picking them up for her, then decided that I would leave them for her to pick up later that day.
I started thinking about how I was going to fix this problem. After all, Becky always left her clothes in the middle of the bathroom floor. It seemed like no matter how many times I told her she would still just not hear me.
Anyhow, I wandered to her bedroom and opened the door and guess what I saw? There was a beautifully made bed with no creases or wrinkles in the blankets, the pillow was straight and perfectly arranged, there were dolls loned up on the pillow case in a neat fashion and there was absolutely nothing on the floor that shouldn't have been there. The toy boxes were neatly lined up in the corner. I couldn't fault a thing.
So I made a decision there and then. When Becky came home from school, instead of concentrating on the one thing she didn't do right, I was going to compliment her on the other hundred or so things that she had done very right that morning. Do you see what I am getting at here? What do you think is going to have the best response from my daughter? Nagging about the one group of things she didn't put away or complimenting her on the many other things she did do right this morning?
Becky is still at school but I can tell you what the response will be already. I bet you that by bed time tonight she will have found her pile of clothes in the bathroom and picked them up without any prompting from me. You see, this is the way kids work. You compliment them and they will look for more ways to be extra helpful. Test it and see. You'll be amazed at how much you can accomplish simply by choosing to ignore little things in order to praise the outstanding achievements.
So, the next time you see something that your child hasn't done and get annoyed about it, try thinking a little differently. Just see if you can instead find something to compliment them on and it might just make the world of difference. Just a thought. It works for me.
Children will repeat a behaviour if it gives them something that they want. A few years ago I tried to bribe my nine year old son to stop biting his nails. I told him that if he stopped biting his nails for a month I would buy him an expensive toy. He immediately stopped biting his nails for a whole month. I couldn't believe it because this had been an ongoing battle for many years. But the thought of getting a new toy was all it needed to motivate my son to change this habit.
The sad thing for me was as soon as I bought my son the toy he bit all his nails straight back again! I was absolutely devastated however didn't have the knowledge I now have to know how to handle the situation. I think I just growled at him. What I should have done was made it clear to him right from the beginning that he would have to keep his nails looking good in order to keep the toy. Next time I would make my expectations very clear at the beginning, that he would have to keep his nails long in order to keep the toy.
As parents we need to figure out what behaviour we want to encourage and then figure out how we can encourage it. Then just go ahead and do it. It really is easier than you think. My Mum and Dad often come to stay with our family and my Dad is always giving my children little bits of money as incentives to do the right thing. He walks around the house trying to catch each one of kids doing the right thing and then he pounces on them with the money, letting them know that their behaviour was outstanding. The kids really love it when their "Poppy" does that for them. It makes them feel special.
Even animals will repeat behaviour for a good consequence such as a treat. A guy I clean for has a puppy and she always used to bark whenever I did the vacuuming. That is until I started carrying treats in my pocket for her. Whenever I saw her sitting quietly while the vacuum was on I would reward her with a doggy treat. Now I can vacuum the whole house without the dog barking. The dog is happy because she gets her treats and I am happy because I get to vacuum in peace.
So, figure out what behavior you wish to encourage in your child and set about catching them doing it right today. Good luck.
Kim Patrick has sinced written about articles on various topics from Children, Family and Children. Kim Patrick is a single mum with four children who lives on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. She is author of the book, "Get Your Child To Behave In 30 Days Or Less". For more information on how to. Kim Patrick's top article generates over 74000 views. to your Favourites.