Everyone is looking for success in his or her interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Why is it sometimes so difficult to achieve? Wouldn't it be great to discover the secret that will help you succeed, a checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to help come by the relationships that you want, that you need? Don't believe any promises about a magic checklist; building and keeping relationships takes time and effort. This series of articles will focus on pitfalls to avoid. Yes, these articles may seem negative. They talk about what not to do. We feel that it's not enough to accentuate the positive. It's important to know what to avoid. A companion series talks about what to do.

We truly believe that our suggestions will help you succeed where you may have failed in the past. Please keep in mind that despite any appearances to the contrary, other people including lovers and potential lovers are looking for the same relationship success that you are. To some extent our suggestions are common sense. You may say to yourself, how come I didn't think of that? You may also say to yourself that my suggestions resemble some past efforts which were unsuccessful. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. Just like you can't lose in a single week the excessive weight that you gained over the decades by poor eating habits, you can't repair your relationship deficiencies overnight. But you should see progress quickly, perhaps almost immediately. This should give you the strength to move forward.

We have so many suggestions that we are going to provide them in virtually alphabetical order. Let's start with A.

A is for absence. It's so easy not to get involved. It's so easy to let some one else take care of it, whatever IT is. It's so easy to let the kids stay glued to the television or the Internet (Wow, guess what, my kids are going hi-tech, they know how to download...). If you want to succeed you must really be there. Half'hearted just is not good enough. Be there for people when they need you. You may even find that they will be there for you when the time comes.

A is for afraid. As you have surely heard, "Faint heart ne'er (never) won fair lady." Or that other famous quote when times were really tough "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Yes, it is important to be cautious and not go off half-cocked. But don't be afraid of doing what you have to do, of getting involved. Yes, it's important to assess the dangers and problems associated with going forward. But at some point you have to go forward, even if things are not 100% certain. (Frankly, is anything ever 100% certain?)

A is for anger. Watch your temper. One little outburst can ruin everything, sometimes literally. I remember a co-worker who was so disappointed that he was never considered replace our boss who moved to greener pastures. It seems (he told me) waved his fist in the boss's face, but only once. Yet the higher-ups still remembered that incident. Wouldn't you? I know that you've heard that old saw, count to ten. I know that you have heard that old suggestion, write the letter but don't send it. Be careful with e-mail. It's so easy to push the wrong button and permanently save your angry thoughts, even if you really didn't mean it.