Self-improvement is great if it's done in a spirit of fun and creativity; however, if we are always feeling that we aren't good enough as we are, we will never be satisfied by any of the changes we make. The first step in creating the life of our dreams is to arrive at a place of true self acceptance. That doesn't mean that there aren't things we would like to change. It does mean that our happiness with ourselves does not depend on these changes. If we do not love ourselves unconditionally, it will be difficult for others to do so.

The poet David Whyte speaks to the necessity of taking exquisitely good care of ourselves: "If you do not give to yourself, you will always hold others at emotional gunpoint."

When we place ourselves last on our own lists, we can end up feeling resentful and looking to others to fill us up. When they can't or won't, we might point to our own unworthiness as the cause or blame them for being insensitive! This ends up being a no-win situation.

To begin the process of accepting ourselves, we might want to consider these questions.

1. What do I need to start accepting about my body, my personality, my talents, my perceived weaknesses? (For instance, I do not have an athletic cell in my whole body; and I'm perfectly fine with that - although if I were to suddenly turn into an olympic champion that would be just fine with me!)

2. What self-talk do I need to change to start this process? Start by just noticing the things you say to yourself on a regular basis. Do they serve you or hold you back?

3. How have I adopted the judgments of others as my own?

4. Do I really believe there is some absolute truth to these judgments? If not, which ones do I want to ditch?

5. What do I want to believe about myself?

6. What benefits do I receive from being my own worst critic? Sometimes self-criticism serves to keep us safe from the judgments of others. We tell ourselves that if we judge ourselves first, others won't have to.

7. What do I want others to do for me emotionally that I am not willing to do for myself?

8. Am I willing to commit to accepting myself unconditionally as I am, while recognizing there are areas I'd like to change?

Copyright 2008 by Holly Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C.