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[C626]Choose To Be Happy

by Rupert Mamby, Rup

Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. Stress is linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.

One of the better things ever said is - 'The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change', and in our life we have the power to make the necessary changes if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that it too would change.

Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are different, accept people for whom or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all kinds of resentments. If arguments seem unavoidable still try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along with people better.

Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make a life more wonderful and also healthier.

To be happy is relatively easy; just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook to be. The choice is simple really, choose to be happy.

There are several ways by which you can do this.

Being grateful is a great attitude. We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your clothes. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mail, thank the policeman for making your community safe and thank God for being alive.

News is stressful. Get less of it. Some people just can't start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do.

A religious connection is also recommended. Being part of a religious group with its singing, sacraments, chanting, prayers and meditations foster inner peace.

Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.

Laugh and laugh heartily everyday. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -'Laughter is the best medicine'.

Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger of frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.

Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us; they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.

Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new everyday. Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons, and could also give us more opportunities in the future.

Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive.

Anger, anxiety, guilt, regret and worry are all perfectly normal emotions. They are our mind's way of telling us that something is wrong and we need to get off our keesters to fix it. As I have said many times before, we only have a limited amount of energy to stay healthy, age gracefully and live happily. It is up to you to choose how you spend that energy.

?Okay,? you say, ?that is great and all, but HOW do I choose to not be miserable?? Well, the first thing is to look at your irrational thoughts. Life is 10% reality and 90% what we make of it. Unfortunately, many people grow up learning irrational ways of thinking and negative ways of viewing the world.

Characteristics of Irrational Thoughts

Irrational thoughts are inflexible or ?must-abatory thinking? Things must be just so. There are very few things in life we must do. I am about as rigid and inflexible as they come, I have learned that flexibility makes life a whole lot easier.

1. Get a stack of index cards.
2. One each card, write down one thing you feel you ?must? do. Low and behold, you will often find that there are not enough hours in an 8-day week to get it all done.
3. Prioritize the cards in order of what is the most important.
4. Flip the cards over and write modifications to make the ?musts? more flexible. For example, one of my musts is exercising. Long ago I was very rigid about exercising between 9 and 11 every single morning and had a very strict routine of what I did. As I had children, got a job etc., I quickly stopped being able to adhere as rigidly to that ?must.? Other ?musts? like caring for my kids and not getting fired moved up on the priority list. Nevertheless, I am a much nicer person if I get out my aggression at the gym, so on the back of the card, I would write alternatives like, workout at home, mow the lawn (a push mower and 2/3 of an acre gets out a lot of aggression), get up at 5 and go on a run etc. All these alternatives still let me accomplish the ?must? of exercising, but provided me some flexibility.

Irrational thoughts place unrealistic expectations on yourself or others and/or are non-self-accepting and/or fail to accept human fallibility. This one is harder, because most of us have difficulty identifying what ?unrealistic? is. Further, what is unrealistic for you might not be unrealistic for me and vice versa. It is always helpful to ask someone else's opinion of what is ?realistic.? This goes for quantity and type of work as well as expectations for perfection. Life is much easier if you have realistic expectations of yourself and others and accept (and anticipate) that people make mistakes.

Irrational thoughts demonstrate over-concern with others? opinion of yourself. If you find yourself getting all wrapped up in trying to get someone's approval, ask yourself, ?Why do I need his/her approval?? Many times it is helpful to differentiate between ?like? and ?respect.? Okay, ideally your boss and co-workers will like and respect you, but will it have a major impact on your life if they don't? If they respect your work and know you do a good job, do you really care if they want to be your friend? People who need to be needed and must be liked often are exhausted trying to please everyone else and forget to take care of themselves.

Irrational thoughts also assume your authority or superiority over others. This reminds me of a joke, How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it has to want to change. . . HarHarHar'I have said it before and will say it again, you cannot change another person. If you get caught in the trap of thinking that someone will change for you, you will be disappointed. When people change for anyone else but themselves, the change is only short-lived. This type of thinking also leads to conflict with others who also see themselves as the center of the universe. Both of you cannot be the center of the universe and, chances are, neither one of you is right all the time. You may indeed be right. Some people may be stupid, nevertheless, sometimes we all have to be subordinate to people who are wrong or ignorant.

Irrational thoughts assume a clear-cut difference between right and wrong and that you have the ability to always accurately differentiate between the two. In reality, there are few clear cut answers. I tell my patients that they need to evaluate their decisions based on head-heart and gut honesty. If your head, heart and gut all are okay with the decision, it is probably a good one. What does that mean? Well, ask yourself, does this seem to make sense (intellectual/head honesty), can I live with this decision (heart honesty) and does it feel right or turn my stomach (gut honesty).

Irrational thoughts place you at the center of the universe. People get all upset when they make a mistake or say the wrong thing. Get over yourself! You are not going to be in control all of the time, and the things you do and say are not really that memorable. Even some of the biggest faux pas only get you ribbed for a few weeks. Then there is something new to grab people's attention.

Irrational thoughts over-estimate your right to a trouble-free life and under-estimate your ability to cope with adversity. If you can view problems as challenges placed in your path to help you grow, it tends to take the edge off things. Many challenges are too great to cope with alone. The most effective people are able to realize when they need help or support from others.

In sum, we all have irrational thoughts. When you start to feel angry, anxious or guilt-ridden, review the list above to see which statements best describe the thought patterns that are making you unhappy. Ask yourself: ?What am I getting upset about?? ?What thoughts/beliefs/self-talk do I have that are supporting my misery?? ?Are these thoughts/beliefs/self-statements rational, productive and helpful?? If they are not, replace them with more realistic thoughts/beliefs/self-statements. Finally, remember that dwelling in negative emotions is just going to make you sick. Anger, anxiety and guilt are meant to make you take action, so get going!

Article Source : depression self help groups

About Author

Both Rupert Mamby & Dawn-elise Snipes are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Rupert Mamby has sinced written about articles on various topics from self improvement and motivation, Social Issues and Silver Jewelry. Rupert Mamby has worked as an IT professional for over thirty years and is now retired. He has also taught adult self help courses and currently provides Internet marketing support, while contributing written content to online media outlets. Visit:. Rupert Mamby's top article generates over 6600 views. to your Favourites.

Dawn-elise Snipes has sinced written about articles on various topics from self improvement and motivation, Legal Matters and Time Management Skills. Dr. Snipes received her PhD in Counseling and Education from the University of Florida. She has worked for 10 years in community mental health and is an ordained Christian minister. Currently she runs an online private practice. Dawn-elise Snipes's top article generates over 4400 views. to your Favourites.