I was raised in a family where communication circled around but never went directly to the source. If my mother wanted to know something about my brother, she'd ask my sister; if she wanted to know something about my sister, she'd come to me, and so on. Judging from the frequency in which I see this evasive communication style in business and elsewhere, I assume that I was not the only one raised in this manner.
Evasive Communication is tucked into these examples:
1. Phil believes that an associate is interfering with his project to gain headway with the CEO. What should he do? What strategy will insure his ultimate success?
2. Tiffany is certain that her new in-laws judge everything she says and does and that their criticism will bring disaster to her marriage.
3. Matthew blew his presentation. He knows for sure he failed, and to avoid being humiliated, he will shy away from the spotlight when he has to present in the future.
No one is sabotaging these three individuals except themselves. All they have to do is change their focus, get curious, and ask some questions. Sound simple?
1. Change their focus. All three have their eye and thoughts on the ill fated results of loss or embarrassment. You create whatever the subject of your thought is. Each is unwittingly creating failure. However, if Phil changes his focus to amazing his CEO with diligence and creativity, what results will he then produce? Be aware of competition, but don't let it adversely affect you.
2. Get curious. Tiffany notices her in-laws watching her closely. Are they really judging her? Is it possible they really want to watch her behavior because they want to know her better? Is this more about Tiffany's lack of confidence? Perhaps they've never seen a tennis match played or table set the way she does and they are enamored! What will this curiosity open up to her?
3. Ask the question: Truly, the only way to know something for certain is to ask. Why do we shy away from going to the source? Chances are high that if Matthew asks for feedback on his presentation, he'll learn how to fine tune it; becoming more direct will help Tiffany and Phil gain valuable information.
A method of listening in the coaching world is called 'level three listening.' This is listening with all of your senses—your eyes, ears, intuition, gut. Listen to what is really being said and what is not. This intense listening leads to intriguing questions which will result in greater understanding. If you try to understand others first, you will then be understood. Dare to ask the questions you've held back on.
Go directly to the source. This is never actually as difficult as it may initially seem. Additionally, asking the question saves time and energy; makes things much clearer and in the long run saves relationships. Even the most intuitive of us never knows where the other is coming from without an open discussion. Even then, watch for signs. Have a wonderful week and enjoy your discoveries!
Listening is an essential part for effective communication. Without good listening skills, problems will eventually arise. One common problem is when we constantly seek to prove that our way is the best and only way. We are not interested in differing opinions of others, only in defending our own. We are always right, we do everything competently and we never make mistakes. We are also very lonely because being right is more important than developing an open and honest relationship.
If we are always proving that we are right and that our way is the best way, we are not listening. Our ideas and opinions hardly ever change because if the facts dont fit our current beliefs then we just overlook them. If we start listening to others then we might have to admit that we are wrong sometimes. We normally get our way, but in the long run people will avoid and resent us.
The answer to breaking up this pattern is through active listening skills. Listening does not mean sitting still with your mouth shut. It involves our active participation. Listening is a commitment to understanding the thoughts and feelings of others. It is also a compliment because it tells others that they are important to us.
Listening skills can either make or break a relationship. If we are good at it, people will be drawn to us and our level of interaction will deepen. The techniques are easy to use and they will become second nature with practice. So here they are:
1. Maintain good eye contact. This shows them our openness and sincerity.
2. Lean slightly forward. This shows them our interest. It also reminds us to have an outward rather than in inward focus.
3. Ask questions when there is a need to clarify.
4. Move away from distractions.
5. Reinforce the speaker by nodding or by paraphrasing what they said.
6. Make a commitment to understanding what they are saying, even if we are upset or angry.
If we have been locked into the always right pattern for some time, then it will take some time to turn it around. The process may seem slow and frustrating but in the long run it will be worth the effort. We will feel better about ourselves, our relationships, our friends, our children and our job.
That right there is enough reason to start using these skills today. Have a nice day.
Both Ann Golden Egle & Mark Webb are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Mark Webb has sinced written about articles on various topics from Dating and Romance, Cure Anxiety and Marriage. Mark Webb is the author of How To Be a Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships?. Sign up for Mark Webbs Relationship Strategies Ezine ($100 value). Just visit his website at. Mark Webb's top article generates over 40500 views. to your Favourites.